Monday, April 05, 2010

Easter Monday thoughts

It's Easter Monday and I'm at the office alone.  We're technically closed today, but I had a lot to do, and decided to work for at least a portion of today, and earn some lieu time for later.  It's actually kind of nice to be here alone.  It's so quiet, no phones ringing.  I'm wearing jeans, and have worship music playing.  It's maybe one of the more peaceful places I've been in a while (ironic if you know much about the drama that often consumes my workplace.)

If I'm honest, Easter felt disappointing.

I wanted it to be some triumphant overcoming thing.  To bring some dramatic shift in a number of things in my life that are really challenging at the moment.  To bring change.  Instead, it was quiet.  A celebration of resurrection, to be sure, but no tangible change, not even in hope.  A day that ended up draining what little energy reserves I had remaining, so that, by the end of the evening, all I could think was how badly I wanted a hug, and how badly I wanted to live closer to a dear friend, and just let her hold me while I sobbed out all the stress and exhaustion.

So, this morning I'll start again.

Fight again.

For hope.

And joy.

And thankfulness.

Because even after pushing for that for months and months, it doesn't seem easy most days.

I'll start by enjoying the quiet here at the office.

And the fact that I am legitimately away from the tensions of my living situation. 

And the fact that though I'm working extra hours, I'll receive equal hours sometime in the future, at a time when others will be working.

And the wearing of jeans.

And my cup of passion tea.

And with that, I'm off to tackle the first on the longish list of tasks that I came here to accomplish today.