Friday, February 26, 2010

At Rest

At some point in the coming days, I want to write a bit about the process of this move, how it was that I've decided to live in my Grandma's basement at nearly 27 years of age.  I want to talk about the very unique challenges that this move is creating in me.

But for tonight, I'm trying to rest.  I have to go out one more time, a bit later, to pick up my grandma's truck so that it's at my house and ready to be loaded when the people who are helping me move arrive in the morning.

About half way through the morning today I realize that I was pretty much useless at the office thanks to my distraction and fairly high stress level.  After a quick chat with my boss I'd gained permission to take a half a personal day on incredibly short notice.  That meant that the load of stuff I was supposed to move tonight was moved this afternoon, and then I was able to come home, move quickly through the vast majority of what remained for packing tasks, do a few little cleaning things, and now I can rest.

I don't think I can quite express how grateful I am right now for my boss' flexibility this morning.  It's an invaluable thing to me to be able to rest and sit quietly for a bit tonight, reflecting a little, praying a little, and just breathing. 

If you've been around this blog through the last three moves, you know that my struggle with panic tends to greatly intensify in times of massive change - and particular when I'm moving.  I've been so grateful to see a degree of healing in that this time.  Yes, the panic is still lurking close by, but thanks to the help fo friends and family, I think tomorrow will actually be a fairly quick, one, maybe two load process, followed by some cleaning.  My thoughts aren't in overdrive right now (though I am conciously stopping myself from moving, and forcing myself to take advantage of the opportunity to rest.).  The very lack of thought overdrive is a total blessing, and an answer to prayer.

So, for the moment I'm resting, and thankful.