Thursday, January 14, 2010

Not Insulated

I passed another odd night of dreams.  Silly things that were on my mind (a blocked kitchen sink, for one), and other, deeper, more painful things.  Needs I've become aware of, and images from Haiti.

I'm so very sensitive to images.  It's why I'm incredibly careful about the books I read, and especially about the movies I watch.  I know that often my mind will replay images and leave me wakeful and sometimes tormented for days and weeks on end, and this makes me cautious in my choosing.  Sometimes, I think it makes me insulated, in my quest to shield and protect myself.

Yesterday I was determined not to be insulated.  Not to simply set the tragedies of Haiti aside.  And so I looked at many images of the devestation.  And many of them came back as I slept.  Faces burned into my conciousness, streaked with blood and dirt and displaying anger, grief, hopeless, and desperation.

It is nights like these that I am certain my heart speaks with Jesus through my dreams, and while I'm asleep.

My heart remains weighted this morning, and I found myself praying as I drove to work.  Praying, but floundering to find words.

Much has been said about Haiti, and I wanted to share a few of the better blog posts I read with you:

Don Miller responded graciously to Pat Robertson's unfortunate comments.

Susan Isaacs links to Don Miller, but also responds, and I appreciated her thoughts as well.

Carolyn Arends wrote a lovely post here.

And this cartoon at NakedPastor seemed appropriate.

And with that, I head into the day.  My heart remains heavy as I consider the friends of friends who have been killed.  And the so many thousands more as well.  I feel their cries somehow today, and the needs of others closer to home.  And I continue to wrestle with the fact that my thoughts can be so consumed by the minutiae of life that isn't important in the grander scheme - that I remain largely disgruntled and just a bit worried about a blocked kitchen sink in my apartment.  A sink that likely won't damage anything (unless of course the water that backs up into it overflows, and even then, the damage is likely to be minor).  A sink that will likely be fixed within the next day or two.  I'm juggling the dichotomy of perspective, and reminding myself that a selfishly insular life is not where Jesus is leading me, even when the alternative seems inexplicably filled with tension and pain and confusion.


shallowfrozenwater said...

when i pray but i'm floundering for words i just remind myself that the Spirit of God prays along with me and She says, "and here's what he's really trying to say God".
today is one of those floundering days for me too.

Lisa said...

Ian... yep... that's pretty much what I was reminding myself of as I drove this morning. the Spirit praying along with me, and groaning beyond words. There's something very comforting in that groaning for me...