Tired, and Waiting

I feel a little bit like I've put parts of my life on hold this last week or so, while I've tried to make a decision.

I still haven't made it.

I'm lonely.

And exhausted.

Some people have bad Mondays. It seems lately that my Wednesdays and Thursdays are really rough. By Wednesday night I'm exhausted physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually, and it becomes a far bigger battle to fight off the fears, the lies, the things I know are unhealthy. They get bigger and more overwhelming, and I descend more easily into confusion and darkness.

I had odd dreams again last night. Things that seem significant, though I can't for the life of me imagine why.

I feel a bit defeated.

And quite ill again.

A friend sent me an email this morning - one line stood out - something she'd written about her own life, but equally true to mine. "something has to change"

Not sure what that change will be.

For now though, I keep repeating to myself:

I choose life.

This is the day that the Lord has made I will (somehow) rejoice and be glad in it.