Long Day

This was a very long day.

I wondered at times, again, if there is something about me that compels certain people to treat me like a particularly stupid and incompetent child. And then I wondered if I was just bumping into people particularly unskilled in the realm of dealing with people, or maybe just the "old boys club" mentality.

I had a particularly difficult conversation with someone today. A frank, honest, but difficult conversation, about a range of topics. The person shared some things with me that surprised me. The people who choose to confide things of a particularly personal nature in me always surprise me. And the things I talked about with this person were difficult too. Less personal and more professional in nature, but still difficult.

After work I came home briefly to change clothes, and then headed to my parents house for dinner. It was my middle brother's 23rd birthday today. Joel just moved out of our parent's home at the beginning of September, and my parents invited our immediate family, Joel's girlfriend, and his three roommates (all long-time good friends of his) for dinner. They are a boisterous crowd - full of humor and joy. We laughed a lot.

And now I'm home, already in my pajamas and in bed, at 9:30 p.m.

I've been around people all day - more at work than usual, and then an evening filled with my extroverted brother and his friends.

I felt lonely in the midst of a crowd.

I am missing dear friends scattered around the country and the globe. I miss the people who really "see" me. Those people with whom it is safe to be fully myself. There aren't many left in Calgary - maybe none at all right now.

I'm lonely, and tired and emotional.

I think my body is still recovering from being ill for most of the week. Today is the first day in a week that I've eaten two full meals, plus some snacks.

A little bit of scripture (I'm still fasting from novels, or I'd lose myself in one for a while). And then bed. Early to bed I hope.

Goodnight.