- Laughing because my morning bus driver totally looked like the guy with the long grey hair who sings or used to sing with the Gaither quartet (and yes, you can mock me for knowing what a member of the Gaither quartet looks like!)
- Sunshine
- Sweet blog comments from a variety of friends
- Tea biscuits from Tim Horton's (a regular treat purchased for eating during class)
- Solidifying a topic that will be used for a term paper in one class and a presentation in another (I totally managed to choose a topic that was entirely inspired by a scene in Monty Python and the Holy Grail - who else do you know that has written/will write academic papers with that sort of inspiration?)
- feeling lighter - like life came easier today
- making progress on a couple different reading projects
- vietnamese take out with friends before attending a lecture together
- having the privilege to attend a lecture on "harm reduction" that was fascinating and so important, and that I will be blogging about very soon
- the feeling of crawling into bed for the evening and knowing that while there is homework to be done, there are no classes tomorrow, and I can breathe a bit easier for a day or so
Wednesday, February 09, 2011
Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 177
Today's Daily 5:
Shifting Perspective
Monday was a hard day for a whole collection of reasons, not the least of which was the eight inches of snow that fell in the six hours between when I went to bed Sunday night, and when I walked out the door to catch a bus on Monday morning.
As I stood at the last bus stop of the day, after nearly falling on the slick ground, I thought to myself, "Yep, if I fell and hurt myself, that would just be the perfect capper to this crappy day."
And then I stopped.
Because, well, it had been a crappy day. But my internal voice kicked in. The voice that is honed by a year and a half of choosing to notice the little things and be grateful.
I think this was the first time that voice really took on a life of it's own.
For every complaint I came up with for the day, it had a response.
I said, "The weather was nasty, and my first class almost got canceled after I hauled my butt out of bed to get there, and then it was a waste of time. I sat there and a librarian told me how to search for journal articles. I learned that, umm, ten years ago, when I actually was a first year student, not a student taking first random first year classes ten years later."
The voice reminded me, "But the class didn't get canceled. And, instead of paying attention to the librarian, you used the time to research for the project due later this week, and emailed yourself several potentially very useful journal articles that will apply to TWO different projects."
I said, "Ugh, I got word of another marriage ended. My heart hurts and I'm tired of all these shattered relationships."
The voice reminded me of several friends held dear, and of the fragility of marriage, and entreated me to lift their marriages up in prayer.
I said, "Well fine, but that other class did get canceled. What a waste in the middle of my day."
The voice said, "Umm... but that canceled class let you attend the worship gathering on campus, and on a really hard day, have 40 minutes to really quiet your heart and let it rest. And you miss corporate worship, remember?"
I said, "My evening plans changed. And it made me cry. In the hallway. Over plans I wasn't even very attached to."
The voice commented, "But you get to rest instead. And join a friend to watch a show that always makes you laugh."
I said, "I almost fell in this dang snow that's everywhere!"
The voice said, "But you didn't."
Dang, that inner voice of mine got wise when I wasn't looking!
It had an answer for everything.
And more than that, it was right.
Yes, the day on Monday presented a great deal of challenges (some far less trivial than canceled classes, by the way). And the temptation was to see the day as a disaster.
But the practice of making those Daily 5 lists seems to have paid off. I'm less willing to write off a whole day as a disaster, and more able to see the balance of beautiful and ugly, painful and joyful.
It's a shifting perspective that's beginning to assert itself, and I'm making room in my heart to make it a cozy spot. I want it to stick around.
As I stood at the last bus stop of the day, after nearly falling on the slick ground, I thought to myself, "Yep, if I fell and hurt myself, that would just be the perfect capper to this crappy day."
And then I stopped.
Because, well, it had been a crappy day. But my internal voice kicked in. The voice that is honed by a year and a half of choosing to notice the little things and be grateful.
I think this was the first time that voice really took on a life of it's own.
For every complaint I came up with for the day, it had a response.
I said, "The weather was nasty, and my first class almost got canceled after I hauled my butt out of bed to get there, and then it was a waste of time. I sat there and a librarian told me how to search for journal articles. I learned that, umm, ten years ago, when I actually was a first year student, not a student taking first random first year classes ten years later."
The voice reminded me, "But the class didn't get canceled. And, instead of paying attention to the librarian, you used the time to research for the project due later this week, and emailed yourself several potentially very useful journal articles that will apply to TWO different projects."
I said, "Ugh, I got word of another marriage ended. My heart hurts and I'm tired of all these shattered relationships."
The voice reminded me of several friends held dear, and of the fragility of marriage, and entreated me to lift their marriages up in prayer.
I said, "Well fine, but that other class did get canceled. What a waste in the middle of my day."
The voice said, "Umm... but that canceled class let you attend the worship gathering on campus, and on a really hard day, have 40 minutes to really quiet your heart and let it rest. And you miss corporate worship, remember?"
I said, "My evening plans changed. And it made me cry. In the hallway. Over plans I wasn't even very attached to."
The voice commented, "But you get to rest instead. And join a friend to watch a show that always makes you laugh."
I said, "I almost fell in this dang snow that's everywhere!"
The voice said, "But you didn't."
Dang, that inner voice of mine got wise when I wasn't looking!
It had an answer for everything.
And more than that, it was right.
Yes, the day on Monday presented a great deal of challenges (some far less trivial than canceled classes, by the way). And the temptation was to see the day as a disaster.
But the practice of making those Daily 5 lists seems to have paid off. I'm less willing to write off a whole day as a disaster, and more able to see the balance of beautiful and ugly, painful and joyful.
It's a shifting perspective that's beginning to assert itself, and I'm making room in my heart to make it a cozy spot. I want it to stick around.
Tuesday, February 08, 2011
Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 176
Today's Daily 5:
- "provocative snit mode"
- sleeping in a bit this morning (even if the night wasn't that restful, it was nice to not have to rise early, and snag any extra little bit of rest)
- booking flights for an escape that is less than two weeks away
- I French braided my hair today, just for a change. I liked how it looked.
- glancing down and catching sight of the pretty bright, deep pink color that I painted my toenails last night
- wearing earrings I hadn't worn since the day I spent wandering the LA garment district with a dear friend in September. I love those earrings, and the memory of that September day was lovely too.
- corn bread with honey butter (have you ever had honey butter? SO good)
- coming home from school to find a tasty supper prepared and waiting
- thankful that when I fell on some ice today, it wasn't at all serious
- a good natural health treatment tonight.
Lesson Learned
Today I learned that attempting to read a memoir about India and learning Hindi, while fighting off a drifting off to sleep, and attempting to filter out the voice of the woman sitting behind me on the bus, talking loudly in an unidentified language (not Spanish, probably Portuguese or Tagalog), is enough to make one's head spin.
I was also reminded that if I am drifting off to sleep every time I get on the bus and sit still for a while, then I perhaps need to take aim at an earlier bedtime to compensate.
I was also reminded that if I am drifting off to sleep every time I get on the bus and sit still for a while, then I perhaps need to take aim at an earlier bedtime to compensate.
Praying Out Loud
I hate praying aloud.
Hate it.
Even blessing the food at a meal.
Please don't ask me.
I will do anything I can to avoid it.
Years ago, when I was in the twelfth grade, my young life leader caught wind of just how much I hated praying aloud. (Actually, at the time, I would have used the word "hate" for prayer in general.) She, being wiser than I'd care to admit at times, forced the issue. I no longer had a choice. She could control me with her eyes. If we were in a small group setting, and praying aloud was optional for everyone else, she'd tell me with her eyes (and sometimes with her words) that it was not an option for me. If we were sharing a meal together, guess whose job it was to bless the food?
It's been a decade since that year I spent being forced into prayer by a loving friend. These days prayer, the silent kind anyway, is as natural as breathing, and one of the things God has consistently asked of me and gifted me for.
But I still hate praying aloud.
I've been thinking of it more often lately, that perhaps it's a discipline I need to cultivate again.
But I hadn't really felt any great drive or conviction until last week.
Last week I met with a long-time friend of mine who is the pentecostal chaplain at the university that I'm attending. We spent an hour or so catching up, and, as I looked at my watch and realized that I needed to head off to class, he closed our time together by praying for me.
I walked away from that time refreshed. It's not often these days that I am prayed for in person, and I had forgotten how encouraging it can be simply to hear someone lift me before the Father. And as I walked away, I began to tell God how thankful I was for that time, for that needed encouragement.
And as I told him that, I felt God reminding me that perhaps I should be more willing to offer that encouragement and blessing to others.
I haven't figured out what that looks like, yet. I'm not often in settings where prayer aloud would be appropriate. Perhaps, in my case, it looks like asking one or two of my far away friends if we can close our phone conversations and skype dates by praying together, for each other.
In any case, I feel that strong internal nudging, that reminder to be willing, and so I'm seeking to be obedient to that, and aware of opportunities to life others before the Father, in their hearing.
Hate it.
Even blessing the food at a meal.
Please don't ask me.
I will do anything I can to avoid it.
Years ago, when I was in the twelfth grade, my young life leader caught wind of just how much I hated praying aloud. (Actually, at the time, I would have used the word "hate" for prayer in general.) She, being wiser than I'd care to admit at times, forced the issue. I no longer had a choice. She could control me with her eyes. If we were in a small group setting, and praying aloud was optional for everyone else, she'd tell me with her eyes (and sometimes with her words) that it was not an option for me. If we were sharing a meal together, guess whose job it was to bless the food?
It's been a decade since that year I spent being forced into prayer by a loving friend. These days prayer, the silent kind anyway, is as natural as breathing, and one of the things God has consistently asked of me and gifted me for.
But I still hate praying aloud.
I've been thinking of it more often lately, that perhaps it's a discipline I need to cultivate again.
But I hadn't really felt any great drive or conviction until last week.
Last week I met with a long-time friend of mine who is the pentecostal chaplain at the university that I'm attending. We spent an hour or so catching up, and, as I looked at my watch and realized that I needed to head off to class, he closed our time together by praying for me.
I walked away from that time refreshed. It's not often these days that I am prayed for in person, and I had forgotten how encouraging it can be simply to hear someone lift me before the Father. And as I walked away, I began to tell God how thankful I was for that time, for that needed encouragement.
And as I told him that, I felt God reminding me that perhaps I should be more willing to offer that encouragement and blessing to others.
I haven't figured out what that looks like, yet. I'm not often in settings where prayer aloud would be appropriate. Perhaps, in my case, it looks like asking one or two of my far away friends if we can close our phone conversations and skype dates by praying together, for each other.
In any case, I feel that strong internal nudging, that reminder to be willing, and so I'm seeking to be obedient to that, and aware of opportunities to life others before the Father, in their hearing.
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