I Knew It Was Good for Me

I just read this article. It says that cookies and bread, eaten at the right moments can actually act as natural anti-depressants and/or sleep aids. And people have wondered why I was so devoted to my carbs throught the years!

Still Using Old Thoughts

I linked to this post yesterday too.

But I was re-reading it again this morning, looking at this list of things I'd set out for myself to do. Things that would let me embrace "being me" and the things I love and am passionate about. I wrote:

I'm going home with a renewed desire to experience life deeply. To pursue the things I'm interested in.

I'm going to take yoga, and photography. I'm going to learn Spanish. I'm going to continue to dream of ways to make it possible to continue to travel like this for lengths of time. I'm going to plan a trip to Peru. I'm going to work at allowing my heart to be open to the world. I'm going to pray about a trip to Africa. I'm going to figure out what it means to walk out who I really am in the context of my day to day life, and not just in the context of a month away from my routines, on the other side of the planet. I'm going to spend time with the friends I really value, and work on developing relationship with a few that I'd like to know better. I'm going to find people in Calgary to pray with on a regular basis.

I haven't been very successful at accomplishing this list, and, after the last several months, I'd probably change parts of it. But again, it's time to come through some things. Time to start thinking about what this sort of list looks like after the last several months, after being drawn into deep pain, and hearing the promise of deep healing to come.

So, if you'll forgive me for continuing to say little for a while, I'm going to reflect on this sort of list. I'm going to let my life and heart continue to be formed in a quieter space.

And if you hang around, I promise I'll supply you with quotes and links and thoughts from voices other than mine in the interim. (I've been reading a Jewish theologian lately, and have some great lines from one of his books to share with you later today or tomorrow.)

Words that Create Community - Henri Nouwen

Another great thought from Henri Nouwen

Words That Create Community

The word is always a word for others. Words need to be heard. When we give words to what we are living, these words need to be received and responded to. A speaker needs a listener. A writer needs a reader.

When the flesh - the lived human experience - becomes word, community can develop. When we say, "Let me tell you what we saw. Come and listen to what we did. Sit down and let me explain to you what happened to us. Wait until you hear whom we met," we call people together and make our lives into lives for others. The word brings us together and calls us into community. When the flesh becomes word, our bodies become part of a body of people.

Bits and Pieces

I was looking through some blog posts and links I put up earlier this year...

Here are some bits and pieces that are poking at my heart this morning:

This cartoon at "The Naked Pastor"

This bit of a poem (from this post):

Bless the darkness around you.
That’s why you’re a poet.
As the night presses inward
you radiate beams of light.
Voznesekií

This line (from this post), written just before I left Malta, which has turned out to be far more deeply true than I could have known:

There are new things springing up within me. Sometimes they scare me, sometimes they excite me. Generally they feel as if they are going to bring both great pain, and great beauty. But I think that all the really beautiful things in life do that.

A Wrestling Silence

A wrestling sort of silence has descended again, and I find myself with few words and the growing longing for the tears to come.

I wrote a dear friend this morning and told her that I was wishing we lived nearer to each other, that I simply wanted to rest my head in her lap and sob… to cry out all of the fear and pain and anger and just rest in her arms, being loved by her and by Jesus.

I’m still struck deeply by the words of others. By the things I’m reading. By books and emails and blog posts and news stories. Will you forgive me if I speak less and let them speak more on my blog for a while?

I need to take some time to be a bit quieter, to restlessly, painfully, let this silence exist inside me for a bit. To strain to hear the voice of Jesus, and to drown out all other voices that accuse and condemn.