Tonight

I went with my youngest brother, T, and our friend Lydia to hear a woman named Angelina Atyam speak tonight.

It was the third African related event that I've attended in the last couple of months, and by far the best.

I don't have a lot of words for it yet. But it was beautiful. She was beautiful.

You can read a bit of her story here.

Update and Settling In

Since I'm sure you're all fascinated by my mundane life, I thought I'd give you an update!

Thus far today I have:

• eaten a tea biscuit
• taken a long bath with a novel, in nicely scented water
• mixed up banana bread from my mom's recipe (there are two loaves baking just presently, and making my house smell really good)
• swept my kitchen, hallway, and bathroom
• discovered that the mouse poison we put in the hot water heater closet is actually getting eaten (here's to no more mice popping out of my bedroom closet, or sticking their head under the water heater closet door while I'm sitting on the toilet)
• eaten leftover chicken, couscous, carrots and asparagus
• cleaned my fridge
• washed one sinkful of dishes, and put the ones that dried overnight from yesterday away
  
• played Jason Upton loudly through my whole house, while working at accomplishing some of the above things.
• mused about the fact that somewhere along the way, it has become normal for me to have an ongoing conversation with Jesus while I cook and clean and fold laundry

I'm not sure when that happened. The ongoing conversation, I mean. I think it's kind of like those stories where the atheist becomes a Christian because he looked at creation and knew there had to be someone to thank.

I feel kind of like that. I've always had an internal dialogue, and somewhere along the way I realized I wanted it to be more than a one-sided conversation. That I needed someone to talk to.

I have a friend who assures me that for many people encountering Jesus is a Sunday sort of thing, not a doing laundry, or washing dishes, or sweeping the floor or walking to the train kind of thing. I suppose that makes me weird. But I don't think I would trade it. It's kind of nice to have a conversational partner who really cares. Even when I don't like the things He says. Even when He's a terrible argument partner who just keeps repeating truth over top of my rationalizations.

And with that, I'm back to my list. And to sitting and soaking for a few minutes in the presence of Jesus.

Should vs. Am

Here are the things I should do today:

• fold laundry from last week
• wash and fold the laundry from this week
• clean my fridge
• eat leftovers
• cook something nice
• sweep the kitchen/hallway/bathroom/my bedroom
  
• vacuum the living room and stairway
• look at housing ads online to get an idea of price in preparation for the possibility of moving
• update my budget
• deposit a cheque that's been in my wallet for two weeks in the bank
• wash the sheets on my bed
• go for a walk
  

Here are the things I'm definitely going to do today:

• hang out with my baby brother before he leaves for two weeks or so on choir tour
• take a long, hot bath with nicely scented stuff in the water and lose myself in a novel
  
• catch up on some journaling
• read a bit more of my second time through Sara Miles' "Take This Bread"
• play Jason Upton very loudly in my house
• pray as I do laundry, and clean, and eat and walk and hang with my brother and possibly a friend
  
• eat some of the tea biscuits I purchased at the grocery store the other night
• do something creative (maybe make some cards, or clipping for future collage projects)
• Eat leftover chicken, couscous, asparagus and carrots from the other night.

Okay... I'm off to start my day! With some relaxation! Later!

With an openness of heart...

I came across this quote from Douglas Coupland's book "Life After God" tonight and found it quite profoundly descriptive of where I'm at at the moment.

I've really quite wanted in this last season to just walk away from God. To give up because it hurt too much to follow him. And yet, I haven't been able to walk away. And in the midst of that space I came across this quote.

“Now - here is my secret:
I tell it to you with an openness of heart
that I doubt I shall ever achieve again,
so I pray that you are in a quiet room as you hear these words.
My secret is that I need God –
that I am sick and can no longer make it alone.
I need God to help me give, because I no longer seem to be capable of giving;
to help me be kind, as I no longer seem capable of kindness;
to help me love, as I seem beyond being able to love”

(original source of the quote is here.)

2.5 Hours to Go

I'm really glad it's Friday.

I need this week to end.

A couple days break from my office.

Rest and relaxation.

Today has been more of a challenge than usual in some ways. The coworker with whom I laugh and vent about the ridiculous working situation we find ourselves in is out of the office. It's very patience stretching.

I did, however, have an encouraging conversation with my boss, who once again assured me that she is very aware of the difficulties of our present situation, and keeping a close eye on it. And, that she has some of the same frustrations I and others have expressed.

It's always nice when the people in charge are actually clued in.

Okay. 2 and a half hours left.

I can do this!