Snapping into that space

Ever had a day where you were completely not in a certain space, and then someone says something that pulls you immediately into that space?

I was really relaxed today. Peaceful, at rest. (and this sounds bad to say.) Not engaging at all in a spiritual or moral way with the world. I did completely random things today. Went boxing day shopping with my brothers, my roommate, and a friend for several hours this morning. Came home, watched an episode or two of Grey's Anatomy. Popped in a movie I borrowed from my brother (Step Up) and fell asleep on the couch for an hour. Went to the mall and mailed some letters to New Zealand for my roommate, bought a book, and found some great deals on shoes. Picked up vietnamese for dinner, watched the end of my movie, and crashed on the couch. Let my roommate talk me into letting her dye my eyelashes (her alternative to putting mascara on all the time), and then painted my toenails.

I got two emails today that have pulled me into two separate spaces.

One from someone very close to me. Criticizing an action I made the other day. One that I'm not sure how I feel about. It pulled me into a guilty, uncomfortable, angry, self-evaluating state.

One from a relatively new friend. That one came just a little while ago. Pulled me into a space where I need to pray. I'll finish the tv show I'm watching, and hole up in my room.

I'm not going to think about the fact that I need to leave my house before 7 tomorrow morning to drive my roommate to the airport, and then go to work. I'm not going to think about the whole day of work that's facing me. I'm just going to hole up and pray.

Which is probably how I should have responded to any number of things today, including both of those emails.

Confuddled

There are a lot of things racing around my head tonight.

Some tension with my dad.

Whether or not I need to do something about the tension with my dad.

The various things I purchased in Boxing Day sales today.

The value of doing girly things and indulging the feminine parts of me more often.

How early I have to get up to drive my roommate to the airport tomorrow.

That I get to wear jeans to work for the rest of the week.

How truly, bone-weary, tired I'm feeling right now.

How excited I am for my trip to Malta.

How many things I still need to take care of before Malta (and how I need to make a list of those things to make sure they get done.)

How I'm missing certain friends, and looking forward to spending time with them in the coming year.

How I should really be productive and fold laundry while I watch tv, but that would require me moving from my spot on the couch.

How glad I am that there aren't too many work days left before I leave. Work is making me feel weary these days.

How annoying the e-harmony television commercials are.

How I don't want to wait to read the new book I bought today to take to Malta with me.

How I'm feeling WAY overwhelmed in terms of sensory input, and want to hide out somewhere silent for days, but am afraid, too, of what I'd encounter in the silence.

What my dreams and plans are for the next year.

Too many things floating around my brain at once tonight. I'm feeling confuddled. Or possibly discombobulated. I do love the word discombobulated.

Good night!

Resting before the crazyness

I'm tired again.

I survived a half-day of work today. Kind of pointless, not much accomplished. No one very motivated to be there. It took all my energy to haul myself out of bed for that this morning. I'm glad for the next couple days off.

I'm crashed on the couch, playing games on my laptop, and rewatching a past season of Grey's Anatomy on DVD.

I think I might just let myself drift off to sleep for a while.

I have to be at mom and dad's at 6:00 tonight for the family stuff.

My roommate and I may go to mass somewhere later.

yep, I think I'm going to sleep.

New Books

I've added a couple of books to the list in my sidebar in the last few days.

Both of them were memoirs. "The Year I Got Everything I Wanted" by Cameron Conant, whose blog I also link to, and "Eat, Pray, Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert.

I liked both.

I particularly liked the following short passage from Gilbert's book. I liked the word she describes, because I understand, just a little, that idea of "living at the border". She writes:

I was reading through an old text about Yoga, when I found a description of ancient spiritual seekers. A Sanskrit word appeared in the paragraph: ANTEVASIN. It means "one who lives at the border." In ancient times this was a literal description. It indicated a person who had left the bustling center of worldly life to go live at the edge of the forest where the spiritual masters dwelled. The antevasin was not one of the villagers anymore - not a householder with a conventional life. But neither was he yet a transcendent - not one of those sages who live deep in the unexplored woods, fully realized. The antevasin was an in-betweener. He was a border-dweller. He lived in sight of both worlds, but he looked toward the unknown. And he was a scholar.

Christmas Church

Mostly, if you know me, you know that I really don't get that into Christmas, or Christmas music. There are just other seasons and holidays I like better.

BUT

I love the last church service before Christmas. We always have great music, and a good time with each other. Today my brother is directing a choir. I've heard his school choir sing the song they're performing, and I'm looking forward to hearing the church members do it. And a "cookie buffet" after the service - how cool is that? Everyone brings a plate of Christmas goodies to share.

So, that's where I'll be this morning. Getting into the Christmas spirit, and eating cookies.

Then I'm coming home to experiment with my roommate at making a traditional dessert that they have at Christmas in New Zealand.

See ya later!