What happens when a writer discovers that she doesn't have any words left?
I'm feeling that way a little tonight...
Thinking and praying for people across the country and around the world...
Two hours of quiet after I got home from dinner with a friend tonight - one hour for accomplishing stuff (dishes, emails, making tea) one for resting (candles, incense, drinking tea, prayer and reading).
This week I'm doing better at taking advantage of the free moments as they come and using them for rest. I hope that lasts.
I had a savoury breakfast crepe for dinner, ham and cheese and scrambled eggs, wrapped in this great crepe and topped with mozzarella and this great sauce. If you haven't eaten at this tiny little restaurant in Kensington with 70 plus varieties of crepes - sweet and savoury - then you need to. It's rapidly becoming one of my favorite dinner stops (and affordable too - less than 10 bucks for a filling meal).
Read entries in a Bible dictionary tonight... incense, hands, oil, wine... interesting reading...
watching "House" at the moment... then bed... tomorrow is Wednesday... Wednesday's have been not been very good days for me lately... wanting to be rested and prepared...
work is going to be nuts for the next six days... thousands and thousands of copies to print... and have to have it all done because I'm taking Thursday and Friday off next week...
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Jesus coincidences and other thoughts...
I told a friend last night that my next blog post would be titled "I think I'm allergic to Jesus". I decided not to write the post, but I am still laughing at the idea... seems that the seasons in my life where Jesus is drawing me most intensely to himself, where I am being pulled from familiar comfort zones into the completely terrifying, stunningly beautiful unknown are always accompanied by a great deal of physical illness and weakness. As someone who has a number of food allergies and sensitivities, this kind of reaction of my body to the things going on with me mentally and emotionally always reminds me of an allergy - thus, "I think I'm allergic to Jesus"!
This present season has many parallels to be drawn to a season exactly two years ago at this time. The emotions feel very similar to that time, and that time is one that in some ways I'm still recovering from! So many beautiful things happened in a short, intense season, that I am still finding my way! And so, I'm sitting here at my desk this morning, sipping tea, and waiting to see what beautiful things come out of this new and crazy season. I'm excited. I'm exhausted. I'm sick. But Jesus is doing cool things.
And, speaking of weird Jesus coincidences, I had a fun one on my way to work this morning. I was in my own little world, walking to the train from home, listening to Jason Upton on my ipod. I was talking with Jesus about a couple of young women from the group of youth at church that I'm involved with, and thinking that I needed to phone one of them tonight. I stepped on the train, still in another world, and someone poked me to get my attention. Both of the girls I'd just been praying for were standing there, on the way to the temp job they're both working at just presently. We had probably 15 or 20 minutes of commuting time to chat, and it was great to see them, even in the midst of my early morning groggyness!
Today is yet again full of people (both lunch and dinner out with friends), and work is going to be busy for the next week or so, since we have a large conference and annual meeting at the end of next week, and I'm taking a couple days off at the end of next week as well. So, with that, I'm back to work!
This present season has many parallels to be drawn to a season exactly two years ago at this time. The emotions feel very similar to that time, and that time is one that in some ways I'm still recovering from! So many beautiful things happened in a short, intense season, that I am still finding my way! And so, I'm sitting here at my desk this morning, sipping tea, and waiting to see what beautiful things come out of this new and crazy season. I'm excited. I'm exhausted. I'm sick. But Jesus is doing cool things.
And, speaking of weird Jesus coincidences, I had a fun one on my way to work this morning. I was in my own little world, walking to the train from home, listening to Jason Upton on my ipod. I was talking with Jesus about a couple of young women from the group of youth at church that I'm involved with, and thinking that I needed to phone one of them tonight. I stepped on the train, still in another world, and someone poked me to get my attention. Both of the girls I'd just been praying for were standing there, on the way to the temp job they're both working at just presently. We had probably 15 or 20 minutes of commuting time to chat, and it was great to see them, even in the midst of my early morning groggyness!
Today is yet again full of people (both lunch and dinner out with friends), and work is going to be busy for the next week or so, since we have a large conference and annual meeting at the end of next week, and I'm taking a couple days off at the end of next week as well. So, with that, I'm back to work!
In the church and Not of it - Henri Nouwen
Another great bit from Henri Nouwen:
Being in the Church, Not of It
Often we hear the remark that we have live in the world without being of the world. But it may be more difficult to be in the Church without being of the Church. Being of the Church means being so preoccupied by and involved in the many ecclesial affairs and clerical "ins and outs" that we are no longer focused on Jesus. The Church then blinds us from what we came to see and deafens us to what we came to hear. Still, it is in the Church that Christ dwells, invites us to his table, and speaks to us words of eternal love.
Being in the Church without being of it is a great spiritual challenge.
Being in the Church, Not of It
Often we hear the remark that we have live in the world without being of the world. But it may be more difficult to be in the Church without being of the Church. Being of the Church means being so preoccupied by and involved in the many ecclesial affairs and clerical "ins and outs" that we are no longer focused on Jesus. The Church then blinds us from what we came to see and deafens us to what we came to hear. Still, it is in the Church that Christ dwells, invites us to his table, and speaks to us words of eternal love.
Being in the Church without being of it is a great spiritual challenge.
Monday, October 22, 2007
muddled headspace
It’s not even 10:00 and I’m already on my second cup of tea. If a day requires more than one cup of tea in the morning, it’s generally a day where I’m struggling with life.
I’ve had a headache for two days – low grade, just kind of in the background, but painful. It makes me queasy occasionally. Drugs, water, tea, stretching my neck muscles – none of the usual things seem to be making a difference at the moment.
My mind feels fuzzy and distracted this morning – not really present with my body, in my surroundings. Things niggling at the edges of my consciousness, poking and bothering me with their flitting and coy nature.
I lay flat on my back on my yoga mat on my bedroom floor for a long chunk of time, talking to Jesus about friends, working my way slowly through the list of people and names as they were brought to mind. Friends scattered across the country and around the world at the moment. Was burning candles and incense, creating space for several hours of quiet in my room last night. Asked Jesus to let my words on behalf of these friends rise to His throne on the sweet smelling curls of smoke from the incense.
Told a friend yesterday that I quite often pray with incense burning these days. She responded, “Okay, that’s a little weird and new age, but whatever.” I reminded her of the verse of scripture that talks about our prayers rising as incense, and we moved on. But her comment niggles just a little in that, “I do things that look weird, and people don’t quite understand my ways of praying” kind of way
Thinking about another friend this morning. She’s been alone too long, and I’m afraid, a little of the tiny changes I sense taking place in her life. I sense a growing indifference, a desire to walk away from all those people and things that are familiar.
Spent time with another friend yesterday. It should have been relaxing, but was strangely draining and disturbing under the surface – a big part of the reason that I was shut in my bedroom last night creating quiet space and talking with Jesus.
Thinking I need to find a time this week to go to the park again. Need to be by water, and breathe.
I’ve been ill quite a bit again lately. I’ve noticed a pattern. At the times in my life when it would seem Jesus is working most intensely, calling me deeper, I am quite often found battling with exhaustion and physical illness. I was thinking this morning that the last time I felt this way physically for a lengthy period of time was in the months leading up to and immediately following my healing from depression.
I’ve been trying to take steps lately to take better care of my physical health. Vitamins. Making sure I get to bed a bit earlier. Creating the amount of alone time and space that I’ve needed more frequently. Eating more balanced meals – at least one dark green fruit or vegetable, and one orange fruit or vegetable a day. Making sure I get at least some protein in my diet on a daily basis – not always easy for someone who doesn’t eat a lot of red meat (experimenting with beans, hummus, just eating greater quantities of white meats). Stretching the muscles in my back and neck that get sore and create headaches regularly. Going to get back to doing situps regularly too. Trying to embrace walking to more places, and get a bit of cardio exercise in while I’m doing so.
It feels oddly grown up to be thinking and concerned about these sorts of health things. Friends of mine have thought about them for years, but I’ve always taken physical health and energy for granted. Not so this last month as I’ve fought off stomach bugs and nasty head and sinus colds, and a general lack of energy.
Okay, well, having written for a bit seems to have cleared my head for the moment. I’m going back to the things on my work list for the week… see you later!
I’ve had a headache for two days – low grade, just kind of in the background, but painful. It makes me queasy occasionally. Drugs, water, tea, stretching my neck muscles – none of the usual things seem to be making a difference at the moment.
My mind feels fuzzy and distracted this morning – not really present with my body, in my surroundings. Things niggling at the edges of my consciousness, poking and bothering me with their flitting and coy nature.
I lay flat on my back on my yoga mat on my bedroom floor for a long chunk of time, talking to Jesus about friends, working my way slowly through the list of people and names as they were brought to mind. Friends scattered across the country and around the world at the moment. Was burning candles and incense, creating space for several hours of quiet in my room last night. Asked Jesus to let my words on behalf of these friends rise to His throne on the sweet smelling curls of smoke from the incense.
Told a friend yesterday that I quite often pray with incense burning these days. She responded, “Okay, that’s a little weird and new age, but whatever.” I reminded her of the verse of scripture that talks about our prayers rising as incense, and we moved on. But her comment niggles just a little in that, “I do things that look weird, and people don’t quite understand my ways of praying” kind of way
Thinking about another friend this morning. She’s been alone too long, and I’m afraid, a little of the tiny changes I sense taking place in her life. I sense a growing indifference, a desire to walk away from all those people and things that are familiar.
Spent time with another friend yesterday. It should have been relaxing, but was strangely draining and disturbing under the surface – a big part of the reason that I was shut in my bedroom last night creating quiet space and talking with Jesus.
Thinking I need to find a time this week to go to the park again. Need to be by water, and breathe.
I’ve been ill quite a bit again lately. I’ve noticed a pattern. At the times in my life when it would seem Jesus is working most intensely, calling me deeper, I am quite often found battling with exhaustion and physical illness. I was thinking this morning that the last time I felt this way physically for a lengthy period of time was in the months leading up to and immediately following my healing from depression.
I’ve been trying to take steps lately to take better care of my physical health. Vitamins. Making sure I get to bed a bit earlier. Creating the amount of alone time and space that I’ve needed more frequently. Eating more balanced meals – at least one dark green fruit or vegetable, and one orange fruit or vegetable a day. Making sure I get at least some protein in my diet on a daily basis – not always easy for someone who doesn’t eat a lot of red meat (experimenting with beans, hummus, just eating greater quantities of white meats). Stretching the muscles in my back and neck that get sore and create headaches regularly. Going to get back to doing situps regularly too. Trying to embrace walking to more places, and get a bit of cardio exercise in while I’m doing so.
It feels oddly grown up to be thinking and concerned about these sorts of health things. Friends of mine have thought about them for years, but I’ve always taken physical health and energy for granted. Not so this last month as I’ve fought off stomach bugs and nasty head and sinus colds, and a general lack of energy.
Okay, well, having written for a bit seems to have cleared my head for the moment. I’m going back to the things on my work list for the week… see you later!
Superabundant Grace - Henri Nouwen
Superabundant Grace
Over the centuries the Church has done enough to make any critical person want to leave it. Its history of violent crusades, pogroms, power struggles, oppression, excommunications, executions, manipulation of people and ideas, and constantly recurring divisions is there for everyone to see and be appalled by.
Can we believe that this is the same Church that carries in its center the Word of God and the sacraments of God's healing love? Can we trust that in the midst of all its human brokenness the Church presents the broken body of Christ to the world as food for eternal life? Can we acknowledge that where sin is abundant grace is superabundant, and that where promises are broken over and again God's promise stands unshaken? To believe is to answer yes to these questions.
Over the centuries the Church has done enough to make any critical person want to leave it. Its history of violent crusades, pogroms, power struggles, oppression, excommunications, executions, manipulation of people and ideas, and constantly recurring divisions is there for everyone to see and be appalled by.
Can we believe that this is the same Church that carries in its center the Word of God and the sacraments of God's healing love? Can we trust that in the midst of all its human brokenness the Church presents the broken body of Christ to the world as food for eternal life? Can we acknowledge that where sin is abundant grace is superabundant, and that where promises are broken over and again God's promise stands unshaken? To believe is to answer yes to these questions.
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