Rest. Busy. Rest.

Midway through last week all of the events of the last month and a half caught up to me and my introverted self put its foot down.

Turns out that several major family medical emergencies, exploring and wrestling with whole new faith convictions while visiting friends in another country, starting a new semester of nursing school in a brand new area of practice with a steep learning curve, starting to wean off my antianxiety meds, working part time, making changes in diet and exercise practices, and just generally trying to maintain a personal, social, and spiritual life can be exhausting.

I know I'm overwhelmed when I sit in a nursing class before the lecture begins, and the voices of all those women (and a very few men) talking and talking and talking grates on my nerves to the point where I kind of want to scream at everybody to shut up, or I might lose it!

With all that in mind, I set this weekend aside for rest.  (Mostly.)

I am thankful that this semester I have three day weekends in which to actually manage rest a bit more fully.

I slept late on Saturday morning, got up and did a bit of housework, took a long nap, did a bit more housework, and then went to bed.  It was pretty much divine.  I think I only saw one other human being the whole day, and talked to one on the phone.  Perfect for my tapped out self.

Sunday was kind of the opposite.  I had breakfast with a long time friend (stuffed french toast - not the best ever, but not bad). Then we did a couple errands together.  I followed that up by going wedding dress shopping with one of my oldest friends.  She's getting married in February, and I'm her maid of honor, so I joined her and her mom to start the process of finding "the dress". And then I followed that up with a family dinner of sorts with a few extra people, which is pretty much the norm for our family.  Lately family dinners have sometimes been hard - they emphasize that even though I'm the oldest sibling, I'm the only one who is single, without any current prospects, and that goes to a different church than the rest of the family.  Those dinners sort of emphasize the ways in which I often struggle to fit within my family, and if I'm honest, I was kind of dreading this one when my mom called to set it up.  That said, it was lovely!  The addition of the extra bodies this time served to keep it from being quite so awkward feeling, and even though I was tired, it felt good to laugh with my family. I rounded off the day by borrowing mom's car so I could tackle my grocery shopping for the week, then caught a ride home and pretty much crashed.  (Though I enjoyed every bit of the day individually, the sum total of all that people time was still a bit much for my exhausted introvert self.)

And then there's today.  I pretty much slept until 11.  I know, I know, lazy, right?  I justify it by reminding myself that for the next four mornings this week my alarm will go off at 4:15, 4:15, 6:30, and 6:30 to kick off very full days.  I laid in bed for a while catching up on email, and then planned to kick off my day with the last of my pre-made smoothies.  Alas, the smoothie was off, so I tackled the first recipe on my list of cooking for the week - pina colada quinoa.  As I'm sitting to write this, I have a bowl of it in front of me, and it's not too bad!  I'm cooking a lot of quinoa these days in the midst of the effort to eat less starch, and mostly eliminate gluten from my diet, and this is definitely not the best of the quinoa recipes I've tried, but it's edible, and hey, I get to add another recipe to my list of new recipes I've tried this year.  I'm planning to round off this day with a few errands, and a coffee date with a friend, and then some homework.  The first quiz of the semester is happening this week, and I have some policy and procedure documents for neonatal care that I need to work my way through.  Oh, and I'm finally going to hopefully make some progress on the baby blanket I'm making for my future niece or nephew, since, you know, he or she is now two days overdue and likely to show up any time!

Rest. Busy. Rest.  That's my weekend, and while I could use maybe one more day of lying low, the fact that I'm now aware of just how drained I'm feeling is a good thing, and will let me manage my energy and schedule a bit more carefully for the next couple weeks while I work to recover some equilibrium.  Sweet deal.

And with that, I'm off to finish off my breakfast quinoa and get started on some of the little things that I want to do while I'm puttering around and resting today!  Happy Monday!

Randomness

I feel like every post I start these days needs an apology.  A "I'm still processing internally and not really writing" sort of thing.  And that's mostly true. It's also true that I'm busy with school, and that I've been making some big life and faith decisions that are taking a lot of time and energy that I used to spend blogging.

So, I'm letting myself off the hook.  No more starting posts with apologies.  I'm just going to show up here when I have the time and motivation to show up here.  And today, I do.

So allow me to present a list of random thoughts for your perusal:

• Yesterday I purchased two lawn chairs.  It was sort of one of those "I feel like a grown-up" moments.  I mean, adults own lawnchairs, right?  Non-adults use blankets, or sit on the grass, or sponge a chair off a friend who has more grown-up cred than them.  So I get some grown-up points for buying a pair of lawn chairs for use at all future summer/outdoor parties!
• I'm pretty peopled out at the moment.  I always feel like that after the first week of a new semester, and this semester would appear to be following right along the same trend as usual.
• I have Mondays off this semester.  This is going to help immensely with the trend of getting overtired and peopled out so quickly.
• Also, I'm spending the semester in a perinatal placement.  That means I'm spending my summer doing two days a week in placements that include labor and delivery, NICU, and postpartum.  Mommies and babies all summer long! I'm pretty much ecstatic.
• Because I'm peopled out, I'm spend the day alone, enjoying quiet and getting ready for the week ahead.  That means I'm cleaning, organizing, doing laundry, making lists, and just chilling out.  It's kind of perfect.
• This morning I tried a gluten free pancake mix that I'd purchased with the hope that it would actually taste good.  It did!!!  Hallelujah.
• On that note, I should add that I've recently begun trying to seriously limit the gluten and starches that I consume.  I've noticed that if I eat a diet higher in protein and fruit and veggies, and lower in starch, I feel a lot better.  Also, I have less mood swings.  I find that slightly annoying, since most of my favorite foods are sweet and starchy and full of gluten.  However, these days I'm placing a pretty high premium on feeling healthier, so it's a toss up.  Also, I find that not being militant about it helps - it makes me thankful that my food sensitivities are just that - sensitivities - and not allergies.
• In other random food related news, I'm currently having a love affair with green smoothies. And quinoa.  But not together.
• Also, I've discovered that exercise really can reverse a low mood.  This discovery truly annoys me, since I hate exercising with a passion!  That said, it's hard to argue with results, and since I really am working on ways to be a healthier person, and to manage my anxiety and moods more naturally, I'm annoyed to admit that I have several times put on a Jillian Michaels video to kick a bad mood in the butt.
• In the area of managing anxiety and mood, after two years on my medication, I'm at a place where I'm starting to work towards weaning the dosage, and hopefully going off the medications. That said, I don't recommend the first week of a new semester as the time to start the weaning process.  Clearly I didn't think that one through.  Thus the need for those dates with Jillian Michaels videos!
• And finally, I woke up this morning thinking about loneliness and community.  Yesterday was a day where I got some rare in person time with a very trusted friend, and it was lovely.  It also highlighted the ongoing challenge of having my closest friends in other countries and continents, and the need to continue to build a supportive community here at home.

And with that, I'm going back to cleaning. And laundry. And organizing. And maybe baking.  And well, I might leave my introverted haven to go eat some frozen yogurt at some point today.  Because I kind of got hooked on the stuff while I was in Florida. And I'm craving it. A lot.  But I might just bake something tasty and gluten free instead, and stay in my quiet haven.  It's hard to predict!  See you soon!

I'm Going to Miss...

Things I'm going to miss like crazy after spending two lovely weeks in Florida (I head home tonight):

• playing peek-a-boo with A.
• waking up to baby giggles, cries, and babbling
• faces that break into a smile when I appear
• K's various quinoa concoctions
• listening to theology lectures any time we drive anywhere
• frozen yogurt
• sunshine
• warm temperatures even when it rains
• long conversations with K & J
• taking our cameras with us, and always taking the time to capture the shots
• lazy days with netflix while the baby sleeps
• grouchily responding to Jillian Michaels while we do her Yoga Meltdown workouts
• Target
• long conversations about life, abortion, and all sorts of other hot topics
• safe friends for venting
• glasses of wine on the harder days
• hugs from good friends

Tuesday Ten

I have almost zero blogging mojo these days.  Most days it's pretty much all I can do to get from point A to point B and home again without forgetting something important.  Case in point: on Sunday I entirely forgot a skype date with my best friend, one that I'd been looking forward to for a couple of weeks.  It was only when I glanced at my phone screen and noticed a facebook message to the effect of "are we still on to chat" flash across the screen that I realized that there was in fact something on my schedule for the day.

That said, somewhere in the interweb realms today, I noticed a point form post that was basically a list of ten random things going on in the person's life right now, and I thought, "I can probably manage that!".  So, here I am, and here are ten things on a Tuesday night:

1. I'm trying to eat less starch in my diet.  I was inspired by a good friend.  I'm pretty much terrible at this.  What's worse is that I did well for a couple weeks after I got home from spending some time with my friend, and I felt really good.  So, now I'm doing terrible at the whole less starch thing, and I don't even feel good.  Sigh.  How depressing is it when bread ceases to solve all problems???
2. My reading list these days is eclectic.  A Brene Brown book.  A midwifery memoir.  Some Catholic theology.  A few cookbooks. Nursing textbooks. A random collection of novels.  All are contributing to various things I'm thinking, praying and pondering.  But definitely it's an eclectic list
3. I'm currently in love with anything teal or turquoise or any shade in between.  Basically anything in that greeny blue range.  I daydream about finally having a house one day, with lovely white walls, lots of windows, and accessories in these shades of bluish green.  (and some of the peacock images I've been collecting!)
4. Since google reader will be extinct (tears!) this summer, I've recently adopted Feedly as my RSS reader, and I'm actually really loving it.  (Mostly because, once I worked some of the kinks out, I can basically get it to look like and do what Google Reader did, but against a lovely minty green background).
5. Today I made chicken, lentil and potato curry in the crockpot, and it actually turned out great.  Only problem is that the recipe made WAY more than I thought it would.  I may now be eating nothing but curry for the next week.
6. While I still love the idea of real books, I've kind of been converted to ebooks since buying my ipad mini.  I mean, seriously, I can read bits of each of my eclectic reading list, all on the same bus trip, and I only have to carry the light weight ipad, not all ten books.  Plus, I'm kind of into the instant gratification of downloading books to my kindle app immediately, and not having to wait out the process of shipping.
7. Which brings me to Lent, and the fact that I gave up book buying for Lent.  Which is challenging when I such an addiction to the cheaper kindle prices and it's instant gratification.  But which has been good for my highly limited budget. and a good reminder on a daily basis that I'm supposed to be sacrificing, studying, and remembering Christ in this season.
8. I'm going back to Florida in 22 days.  I pretty much can't wait.  Sunshine, friends, cute baby, flip flops, and great conversations.  And just a chance to settle into really feeling like myself and moving more slowly for a couple of weeks.
9. Not so long after that I'm going to become an Aunt.  My brother and his wife are expecting in early June, and though they've stubbornly resisted finding out what they're having, it really doesn't matter to me.  I will officially be "Auntie Lisa" and that is a role that I know I will excel at.
10. Plus hey, I get to spend my summer clinical rotation dealing with mamas and babies in one form or another.  Don't know the exact details yet, but I know I got assigned to a perinatal rotation and that that pretty much has me jumping for joy!

And just like that, I made it to ten!  Maybe I'll have to make this a weekly feature?  At least it gave me a bit of blogging mojo for the day!

A Few Smiles

Just a few things as a reminder of joys in my life right now:

• adding some images to my wall of smiles tonight
• the color turquoise
• Martha Stewart organizational products from Staples
• my Curly Girl calendar
• trying a new recipe
• slow paced but productive evening (the best kind!)
• pictures of honorary nieces and nephews that make me smile (or cry, or both!)
• reading, reading, reading theology these days, and praying and processing
• texting with dear friends who are far away
• a clean desk
• thinking and working through thoughts on health and my body
• netflix
• books and more books
• Call the Midwife (book and show)
• friends who keep me accountable
• being finished my psych rotation
• bus commutes with podcasts and audio books
• reading on the kindle app on my ipad
• anticipating the arrival of spring (even if in Calgary it won't be here for quite some time still)
• looking forward to a summer placement full of babies and mamas
• Words with Friends on my phone