I liked this quote on Hope's blog today:
"When we can see the image of God where we don't want to see the image of God, then we see with eyes not our own." (Richard Rohr, "Everything Belongs")
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Snapping Back
For a brief, two or three hour period last night, the mental, emotional, and spiritual space I generally occupy shifted. For that time the weight and the cares vanished, and I laughed and talked with my brother. We planned and schemed for a special event in his life that’s happening tonight. We did a bit of Christmas shopping, and shared our own uniquely twisted sense of humor, upon seeing a woman out walking her dog. (The dog had booties with reflective tape on them, which was the only thing that made it visible as the woman walking it crossed the street in front of us. We both did double takes as we saw four little reflective booties moving across the street, seemingly attached to nothing. And the jokes regarding the possibilities surrounding reflective clothing for small animals flowed from there.)
And then, he left my house, and I abruptly and harshly snapped back into my more usual hyper-aware state. The news of a friend’s very ill child. A deep ache in my ribcage. An email from a friend. Some photos of people I love.
I seem to move between spaces – between worlds – a lot lately. I’m getting used to it, and can survive it with dignity and even peace most days. But last night was particularly harsh, the transition was quick and rough. And I’m feeling like I’m still reeling a bit from that today.
And then, he left my house, and I abruptly and harshly snapped back into my more usual hyper-aware state. The news of a friend’s very ill child. A deep ache in my ribcage. An email from a friend. Some photos of people I love.
I seem to move between spaces – between worlds – a lot lately. I’m getting used to it, and can survive it with dignity and even peace most days. But last night was particularly harsh, the transition was quick and rough. And I’m feeling like I’m still reeling a bit from that today.
Practical Thoughts
My heart is still uneasy. Tears are close to the surface, and my heart aches and prays and longs. (I'll probably write about that later.)
For the moment, though, here are some practical things:
I'm concerned about the fact that I need to get my roommate to the airport for 8:00 tonight. It took me nearly 2 hours to drive home yesterday (it normally takes 3o -40 minutes). If that happens tonight, we won't make it to the airport in time.
It's only been two weeks, but I'm already tired of the cold and snow. I am definitely (despite being born and raised in this ridiculous climate) a fair weather kind of lady.
As much as I hate public transit, if this weather keeps up, I might go back to taking the train. I'll drive to the train station and go from there. It's got to be better than sitting in stop and go traffic in the snow for 2 hours. (That said, the practical part of my brain is also reminding me of the many transit weather delays over the years.)
I'm exausted again. The weight of the things making my heart uneasy, and driving me to pray has been heavy again this week, and sleep has been even more fleeting than usual. Once I get home from the airport run tonight, I'm going straight to bed. Or at least to curl up in bed and do semi-relaxing things. Or maybe just to sit quietly in my candle lit bedroom and pray.
For the moment, though, here are some practical things:
I'm concerned about the fact that I need to get my roommate to the airport for 8:00 tonight. It took me nearly 2 hours to drive home yesterday (it normally takes 3o -40 minutes). If that happens tonight, we won't make it to the airport in time.
It's only been two weeks, but I'm already tired of the cold and snow. I am definitely (despite being born and raised in this ridiculous climate) a fair weather kind of lady.
As much as I hate public transit, if this weather keeps up, I might go back to taking the train. I'll drive to the train station and go from there. It's got to be better than sitting in stop and go traffic in the snow for 2 hours. (That said, the practical part of my brain is also reminding me of the many transit weather delays over the years.)
I'm exausted again. The weight of the things making my heart uneasy, and driving me to pray has been heavy again this week, and sleep has been even more fleeting than usual. Once I get home from the airport run tonight, I'm going straight to bed. Or at least to curl up in bed and do semi-relaxing things. Or maybe just to sit quietly in my candle lit bedroom and pray.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Heart Un-Ease (A Heart at Prayer)
My heart is unsettled again today. Perhaps because of the continuing pull of Advent. Perhaps for other reasons.
In any case, today my heart is praying:
In any case, today my heart is praying:
- for two very special children whom I gathered to myself, offering comfort and prayers with my hands and my hugs and my love in a dream the other day.
- for a dear friend
- for the deeply needed outcomes seen in recent dreams
- and the outcomes that are less than desirable too.
- for wisdom as I seek to make decisions for the new year
- for the ability to make those decisions without fear.
- for the continued provision of a loving Father who knows my needs
- for continued obedience, even knowing how badly it hurts at times.
- for right words, right actions, right timing.
- for countries and continents that rise to the surface of my heart and call me to pray
- for those who are grieving
- for those who are drawn to mind through various reminders, aches and pains, symbols and smells, words and thoughts and deeds
- for my baby brother, who has encountered many challenges as he has sought to be obedient and serve Jesus this year
- for life and joy and hope.
- for those waiting and longing
- for friends scattered
- for old and changing relationships
- and recently established ones
- and newly budding ones
- for healing and restoration
- for the light to come.
Amen. Come Lord Jesus.
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