Saturday Morning Frustrations

I woke from a dream again this morning. This one was more of a working out of ongoing frustrations with my current living situation, and was thankfully in some ways less intense than many of the crazy spiritual dreams I've been having on such a regular basis lately.

However, it was still very real, and left me frustrated and angry and working to separate actual reality from that which I'd dreamt.

So, I decided to take out the frustrations in the most positive way I could think of, and I've spent the morning cooking and cleaning. Our kitchen floor (which had been, to use one of my roommate's words, very "grubby") is now immaculate. The kitchen counters have been scrubbed and tidied. The clean dishes have been put away, and the dirty dishes are in the dishwasher, which is now running. I baked scones (or maybe they're biscuits - my terminology for baking has become hopelessly confused after months of living with two New Zealanders who have a different word for every sort of baking.) The living room has been tidied, and so has my bedroom. The bathroom has been cleaned, and I've done a load of laundry.

This afternoon I'm going to visit my parents for a bit, get gas for George, and probably settle in for a while with a Bible, book and journal and just read. I'm attending a church service tonight, and then possibly going out afterwards for a bit to spend some time with my youngest brother. The plan for tomorrow is rest, and maybe a few errands.

But, all that cleaning has at least resulted in a somewhat improved mood from that which I woke in, and the ability to laugh a bit at life again. Plus, my house looks greatly improved.

Headlines - morning edition

Zimbabwe Refuses Annan Group Visa

Powerful Earthquake off Sumatra

Voices Heard - Friday Night Edition

Some thoughts that have been catching at my heart the last little while...

When it is genuine, when it is born of the need to speak, no one can stop the human voice. When denied a mouth, it speaks with the hands or the eyes, or the pores, or anything at all. Because every single one of us has something to say to the others, something that deserves to be celebrated or forgiven by others.

- Eduardo Galeano,
The Book of Embraces

Peace is not the product of terror or fear.
Peace is not the silence of cemeteries.
Peace is not the silent result of violent repression.
Peace is the generous,
tranquil contribution of all
to the good of all.
Peace is dynamism.
Peace is generosity.
It is right and it is duty.

- Archbishop Oscar Romero

The November 20, Daily Text from the Moravians:

"The Lord is my portion," says my soul, "therefore I will hope in him."
Lamentations 3:24

Through Christ you have come to trust in God, who raised him from the
dead and gave him glory, so that your faith and hope are set on God. 1
Peter 1:21

We turn our eyes on you, Christ. By faith we look into your face and
receive blessings found nowhere else. But we are sometimes distracted by
the waves around us as Peter was. When we look away, take us by the hand
and lift us. Amen.

Today's Daily Text from the Moravians:

Be still, and know that I am God! Psalm 46:10

Jesus prayed, "Righteous Father, these know that you have sent me. I
made your name known to them, and I will make it known, so that the love
with which you have loved me may be in them, and I in them." John
17:25,26

Heavenly Father, we long to know you fully, but we will never understand
all that you are. We rejoice that there will never be an end to our
discoveries about your glory and power. In this moment, we wait before
you - touch us, we pray. Amen.

Headlines

A few headlines catching my attention tonight...

Florida Teen Commits Suicide Live on the Web

Cholera Outbreak Strikes Zimbabwe

False Comfort

This has been an odd sort of week.

Things went haywire at work, and on a personal level I've occupied some intense spaces once again.

I'm thinking a lot about idols - what are they for me, and for those I love, and how can they be torn down.

I'm back in a space of fasting and praying. I don't understand why I'm fasting, but I know that I've been asked to fast.

I've been listening to Jason Upton's "Dying Star" album again lately, and as I drove this morning it was speaking deeply to my heart again, summing up themes of the week.

I was particularly caught by this line from the song "Burning in the Sky":

Sometimes to trust in your false comfort
Is easier than trusting me...

Over and over and over again I'm encountering this theme of tearing things down, of laying everything down before the Lord.

Trust is not something I'm particularly good at. And this has definitely been a week where the Lord has been calling me to trust him in new and far deeper ways. It's so much easier to cling to what I know, than to trust him with what I don't.

And yet, I keep coming back to the many verses of scripture I've encountered lately that speak of obedience - obedience as far better than sacrifice.

And so, I'm working to trust him, and not my false comfort.

Jesus Christ, have mercy on me.