Today

Things I've Done Today

• Gone to church.
• Speak at church and show slides from Malta.
• Initiate the possibility of a late spring retreat in Canmore with my youth kids
• Send several emails
• Eat leftover pancakes and a slice of back bacon for lunch
• packaged a birthday gift for a friend
• written a birthday card to go with the gift
  
• bought a notebook to keep in my purse for those "I have to write that down" moments
• gone to the post office to mail the birthday gift and card
• hung out on my couch
• bought some really great greeting cards (have you seen the Fresh Ink line from Hallmark? so suited to my sense of humor and that of my friends)
  

Things I Should Still Do Today (and may or may not accomplish)

• bake muffins
• wash dishes
• clean my bedroom
• work on a couple different writing projects
• change the sheets on my bed
• wash the dirty set of sheets
  
• grocery shop
• make some thank you cards
• cook something (anything really) containing either fruit or vegetables
• go through a stack of mail that accumulated while I was away
• return the dvds I rented on Monday
  

Reverting

My sleep schedule is completely messed up. And I've been home for two weeks now, so I can't blame it on jet lag.

I blame it on a couple of friends. They know who they are.

They messed up my life by introducing me to some really deep things. And now, I don't sleep. I dream, I see things, but I don't do a lot of sleeping. (Although, to be fair, I've never been known for my ability to sleep.)

But that's not the point of this post. The point is, I like weekends.

On weekends, I can take life slow, and I can revert to my natural night owl state. I can be sitting here, at 12:43 am, writing a post for you, instead of lying in bed, attempting sleep. I don't have to worry (too much) about the next morning, because I usually don't have plans. Or, if I do have plans, I can always take a nap later in the day. (Have I mentioned that I liked the whole "siesta" thing from noon-4 every day in Malta?)

Tomorrow night I'll attempt to be in bed by midnight, with my lights out. Because that's about when I normally go to bed. But tonight? the sky's the limit baby!

(okay, so, this is the last thing I'm doing, with the possible exception of reading a bit of a novel before sleep, but I COULD stay up if I wanted to!)

Real thoughts to come after sleeping... good night!

One of Those Days

This has been one of those days.

Where everything hits you in ways that you didn't expect.

Where everything is connected to something.

(You might say "everything is spiritual" - or at least my friend Shelley might say that!)

I've got a couple of long thought posts brewing in my brain. Coming soon.

Later.

Lenten Resolutions

I almost quit my job yesterday. My second day back was that bad. Thankfully today went slightly more smoothly.

I came home from my trip with the realization that what had been stripped from me over the course of five weeks, and magnified as Lent began, was the ability to disengage, to hide from the painful things, or to avoid them. These days, when I employ avoidance tactics, all I can think about is how I'm avoiding something.

I'm thinking the Lenten season could be LONG this year.

My Lenten resolution this year? To take care of myself for a change.

I am often guilty of pouring myself out for others, putting them well before my own needs. (Not that this is bad.)

I've just come from a really intense trip, and I find myself walking personally through some very intense things. For a little while I need to take care of me. I need to make decisions to do things that are life-giving for me. I need to do things that are not done out of pure obligation.

I'm going to make choices that are caring for myself for a little while. To try and set some new habits - ones that will serve me well long term. I'm going to eat more conciously, instead of grabbing whatever is handy. I'm going to try and exercise a bit more regularly. I'm going to spend time daily writing in my journal.

For just a while I'm going to take care of me, and it feels really selfish to say it, but I think it's necessary.

True Intimacy - Henri Nouwen

I received another very challenging email from Henri Nouwen this morning... speaks to some things I've been thinking about lately...

True Intimacy

Human relationships easily become possessive. Our hearts so much desire to be loved that we are inclined to cling to the person who offers us love, affection, friendship, care, or support. Once we have seen or felt a hint of love, we want more of it. That explains why lovers so often bicker with each other. Lovers' quarrels are quarrels between people who want more of each other than they are able or willing to give.

It is very hard for love not to become possessive because our hearts look for perfect love and no human being is capable of that. Only God can offer perfect love. Therefore, the art of loving includes the art of giving one another space. When we invade one another's space and do not allow the other to be his or her own free person, we cause great suffering in our relationships. But when we give another space to move and share our gifts, true intimacy becomes possible.