Relational Highs and Lows

I've had a bit of a crazy week in terms of the relationships of people around me. Some very high highs, and some very low lows. It always fascinates me, the way relationships can be like that.

I've watched a friend struggle as a member of her immediate family is slowly dieing. She has been in pain, in hiding, wondering where God is and why this is happening. I thought about her all week, prayed for God to intervene, for her to know God's peace. I've winced internally everytime I thought of her, of what she's going through. I've longed to make it better.

Then, tonight, I celebrated with a different close friend. A week ago she celebrated o­ne year of dating a fantastic guy. Tonight, she celebrated her engagement to that same guy. It has been a priviledge to watch their relationship grow - to watch them love God, and love each other, to watch him care for her, protect her, support her. I screamed when she called and told me (a fact my mother finds infinitely funny). I was supposed to spend the day with her today, but she called me late last night to cancel - her boyfriend needed to spend time with o­nly her. I told them at the party that this is o­ne of the few acceptable reasons for ditching me for a day. I couldn't be happier for them.

And so, Jesus, tonight my prayers are somewhat bipolar. Lift my friend from the darkness. Heal the wounds in her life. Heal her family member's illness. Pour your peace o­n her life. And, Jesus, bless my other friends' engagement and marriage. Pour out every good thing o­n their lives together. May they know you deeply both personally and corporately as they prepare over the next months to join their lives. Thank you, Jesus, for friends. Thank you for the depth of relationship that allows me to share in their pain and in their joy. Thank you for making the world a relational place. Thank you for being a relational God.

Listing

In case you hadn't figured it out from several of my previous posts, I am somewhat of a list fanatic. I will attempt many things, as long as they are on my list for the day. I make mental lists. I plan my day, and what I'm going to pack for trips in lists. Lists are my attempt at controlling the uncontrollable. Most days it doesn't matter if I stick to them too closely, as long as they are there, giving me the comfort and security of knowing that I at least attempted to plan my day!

And so, today on my first day off in a while, I have a list of what I need to do (and the rationale in my head as to why I need to do them):

• pick up the book that is waiting for me on hold at the Library
• finish organizing bedroom - I now have all my furniture, and my parents are getting restless about the boxes of things still living on my floor.
• put the things I'm storing for right now up into the garage attic - dad is getting annoyed and wants his floor space back for work
• pick the raspberries and strawberries - mom comes home tomorrow and dad is covering the bases with whoever happens to be around when the idea occurs
• clean the bathroom - same logic as the raspberries, but also one of my usual weekly chores
• make phone calls - there are some people I need to catch up with.
• spend time writing - I've been putting it off for a week, and I think I need to vent. The tears that bubbled out of my while I watched a movie last night, and read a novel start to finish in one sitting until 2am are probably a good indicator that I need the release of writing down some things that have percolated for a week or so.

With all that listed, it's time to go get started. I'll change out of my pajamas and head into my day.

An Excellent Afternoon

For the record, my last post was quite tongue-in-cheek. Just in case you missed that. It was true that I felt much more self-confident in nice clothes, and that I was noticed, but I also felt better simply because I devoted more time to caring for myself, to caring about my appearance, and I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing.

With that said, let me tell you that my afternoon of "retail therapy" has left me in a fabulous mood. It was a great time of good conversation, walking all over downtown Calgary in search of fun shoe shops and to avoid buying a transit ticket, and just generally having a good time. We hit two bookstores, and I bought books at each. (I have a disease where I can't walk into a bookstore without purchasing at least one book.) I bought some "unmentionable" items, and...

I'll have you know that I did find the "perfect" pair of shoes. If I had a digital camera, I'd put a picture here so you could all appreciate them with me. Since I don't, you'll have to either take my word for it or invite me out to dinner so that I have an excuse to wear them!

We wrapped up our afternoon with Vietnamese food at a little restaurant on Stephen Avenue. Vietnamese is my current favorite ethnic food - and it's affordable, comes quickly, and is (at least this is what I tell myself) relatively healthy. It was the perfect way to wrap up the afternoon.

Now that you know that I spent far too much money today, and had a great time doing it, I have to go bake a chocolate cake. My bible study is at my house tomorrow night, and I need to have something on hand to feed them! If you attend that Bible study, bring your appetite, because I don't really want a ton of leftover chocolate cake sitting around my house and tempting me to eat until all of my new clothes don't fit anymore!

Retail Therapy

I wrote about this in my "private" paper journal on Saturday night, but thought, after conversation with a couple friends, that I'd put some of it here, too. It's shallow, possibly facetious, slightly tongue-in-cheek, hopefully amusing, and somewhat truthful. Have fun!

I felt especially shallow all evening Saturday and all day on Sunday. Saturday night after work, I went shopping. I spent more money in one shot than normal for me, and purchased something like eight new tops, a scarf, and a couple of cool pieces of jewelry.

I went shopping because I needed some white tops for work - the dress code at my job is very waitress like - white on top, black on the bottom, black shoes. Then slap an ugly polyester vest over top with a store logo and a nametag, and you're good to go. UGLY! The problem with having to wear white tops for work is that they never stay white for very long - they always turn a sort of grayish color. Plus, if you're working five days a week, you can only wear the same two or three tops for so long before you want to kill something. So, I went out to buy white tops, and came home with three plus several other pieces as mentioned above.

None of this explains to you why I felt shallow. I spent something like $150, and bought not only clothes, but a temporary dose of self confidence. That's where the shallow comes in - $150 for a day of feeling better about myself?? I don't know who coined the term "retail therapy" but it did wonders for me on Saturday night. I put on the clothes that I knew made me look nice - nicer than normal that is, and I felt like a different person. I felt like I stood out. I felt like I would be noticed instead of blending into the background.

What is it about girls and clothes? Why is it that just the right outfit can make us feel so much better about ourselves - so much sexier and more attractive? And should a " good Christian girl" really be looking to be "sexier" anyway?! Do guys have this issue? Can just the right top, or that perfect pair of shoes make a guy feel better about who he is?

The truly funny part about all of this is that I really must have looked nicer, or different or something. I spent about half an hour getting ready for church last night - more than my usual ten minute run a brush through the hair, slap on some makeup and leave routine. I picked the right clothes, styled my new haircut (I cut something like 6-8 inches off my hair about two weeks ago), and headed out. No less than TWO guys who never normally compliment my appearance told me that they liked my outfit and noticed my hair looked different.

So, since it worked, I'm going shopping this afternoon with a friend! No, actually we are going for coffee, but then we are going to spend the afternoon at a number of different shops. She needs shoes for work. I have been on a summer long quest for the perfect sexy shoe - something to dress up a pair of jeans for dinner out, or look fantastic with a skirt or dress. We're going to hit a bookstore, and maybe a couple other places too. Today, though, is not so much about retail therapy as it is about sharing time with a new but quickly becoming deep/close friend. If we get the perfect pair of shoes out of the bargain, so much the better! As another friend would say "I feel like such a girl!"

Quote of the Moment

I've been collecting quotes for ages. Whenever I find a good one, I jot it and its source on an index card, and file them alphabetically by author in a box. I think I'll start putting some of them up here every once in a while.

The quote of the moment happens to be the first one I grabbed from my alphabetical box, but rather applicable to my life anyway. It's from "The Confessions" by Augustine.

"Through your own merciful dealings with me, O Lord my God, tell me what you are to me. Say to my soul, I am your salvation. Say it so that I can hear it. My heart is listening, Lord; open the ears of my heart and say to my soul, I am your salvation. Let me run toward this voice and seize hold of you. Do not hide your face from me: let me die so that I may see it, for not to see it would be death to me indeed."