Risking Failure

Yesterday I completed the final statistics assignment.  Within hours I'd received the mark back - 100%.  That made me smile.  Math has never been my "thing" but the grades are rolling in with smile inducing numbers in the statistics course.

I wish I could say the same thing for my anatomy course, but I just can't.  The amount of information is overwhelming, and I'd guess that the grade is going to be far less (by maybe 2 letter grades, or 20%, however you prefer) than what I'd anticipated it would be at the beginning of the summer when I began this crazy adventure of completing a course normally taught in a classroom over the space of eight months by myself in the space of two months.

And that grade reality has weighed heavily on my mind.  I even failed and had to repeat one quiz.  I'm not sure I've ever failed a school assignment (non-math related, anyway) before.  It's weighed most, heavily, though, because my acceptance into a nursing program is in part dependent on my grade point average - a grade point average I'd hoped to help, not hinder further, by taking these summer courses.

Unwittingly, I've been putting off the process of applying for admission to the nursing program.  Late last week I realized that I was putting it off, in part, because I was afraid of facing the reality of possible failure.  Of not being accepted.  I was afraid of the risk.  The day before yesterday I was reading a chapter in the book I'm currently making my way through, "The Happiness Project" by Gretchen Rubin, and the author talked about happiness coming in part from successes, but that successes can't come unless we risk failure.  I'd have to go back and look to confirm that that was the point she was making, but it was the point that stood out in my brain.

Yesterday I took a risk.  It sounds ridiculous, but it was a really hard thing for me to sit down at the computer and submit my application to the university for the nursing program.  But I did it, even though I still fear I'll be rejected based on my grade point average.  And I'm glad I did.  I have a contingency plan for future study, and I'll be okay (though very disappointed) if I don't get accepted.  I'm convinced, still, that nursing is the direction in which God is leading, and I'm choosing to trust that even this will work out in His timing, and not mine.

It's real now.  I've applied.  And so the waiting begins.  Well, after I finish up all this course work.  Only 6 days remaining!

Daily 5 - Day 330

Today's Daily 5:

1. 330 days of daily 5 lists
2. getting back another stats assignment with a grade of 95%.  What you need to understand is that the last time I got a grade like that in math, I was probably 6 years old and just learning to add and subtract.  I barely scraped through math in high school with a grade that would get me admitted to university, and that grade was a blessing, since the year I wrote the diploma exam, the math one was being tested, for new curriculum, and was only worth 20% of our grade instead of the usual 50%.  So, to get a grade like the 88% I got back yesterday and the 95% I got back today really shocked me and encouraged me and gave me hope.  I've been absolutely slogging through stats this week, and wasn't at all confident in the work I was doing on these assignments, and to get those grades felt like such a gift and confirmation of this crazy path I'm pursuing these days.
3. managing to focus and study for probably close to nine hours today.  I really needed to feel well enough to put a day like that in, and I haven't all week, so it was a blessing to do so today.
4. a couple of really good chats in the last few days with a very dear friend
5. taking the evening (after about 8:00) off to just do nothing, putter online, etc.  Not bringing homework home with me tonight.
6. fresh cherries
7. peanut m&m's
8. 10 minute yoga for a third day in a row
9. finishing a third stats assignment today as well
10. walking home to grandma's after mom dropped me at the office supply store to get another assignment scanned.  After all those hours of studying, it was nice to just be outside (after the heat had dissipated a bit) and get a bit of exercise.

Tuesday

Is it bad that it's only Tuesday and I'm already feeling a bit panicked about the way that the week is shaping up?

This is an incredibly busy week, and I absolutely, positively MUST accomplish the things on my list.  And there is a lot of stuff (mostly school work) on my list.  This is the first week that assignments can be submitted, quizzes written, and tests scheduled, and I've got some of all three on my list.

But it's going slower than I'd hoped.  Yesterday wasn't as productive as I would have liked (though it was productive) because I wasn't feeling well - I was busy fighting with a headache and aching muscles all day.  Today, well, a stats assignment that I'd hoped would take a couple of hours has taken most of the day.  I'm confident in the answers I've arrived at for the assignment, but it was time consuming.  Other than ten minutes of yoga, a few emails, a shower, and a brief lunch break, it's all I've done today.

You can imagine what kind of a good mood all those hours of math (with more to come - there are more assignments left to do!) has left me in.

Tomorrow is going to be a bit crazy.  Coffee with a friend from out of town will fill part of my morning.  And coffee with a different friend in the evening removes those hours from my day as well.

It's looking like it's going to be the kind of week where the weekend holds quite a lot of homework as well.  Ah, well.  Here's hoping that the hours left today, the hours I fit in tomorrow, and the hours of Thursday and Friday are highly productive.  Perhaps I won't have to cram too much into the weekend.  At least I'm hoping not anyway.

A Slight Gripe

One of the two courses I'm taking this summer is statistics.

Let me say first that I have never particularly liked math.  In fact, I have mostly had a rather hateful relationship with said subject.

And statistics is reminding me why.  Words that make perfect sense in everyday life take on an extra head and a totally different meaning in math.

For example, one sort of graph that I was reading about in the stats textbook today instructed me that it was a curve.  Okay, got a mental image of a curve?  Well, think again.  Apparently, this is a "curve" which is drawn by connecting various points with straight lines.  There is no curvature whatsoever.

That said, having read and reacted to those ridiculous instructions, I'm probably not going to forget that you draw an ogive by connecting dots with straight lines, thus forming a "curve."