Catch-Up

It's only Tuesday morning and this week is overwhelming me already.

Work was nuts yesterday with the receptionist out of the office.  In between answering the phones (which picked yesterday to ring off the hook), I was frantically trying to make calls to people who are notoriously hard to reach to schedule two last minute conference calls.  I managed to handle both, but that's about all that got done yesterday.

After work I unexpectedly had the opportunity to head to mom and dad's for dinner and a treatment from mom.  So much for the "to do" list for last night.

I'm playing catch-up already.

This morning at work is for catching up if at all possible on the "it just didn't happen" tasks from yesterday.

As for the personal "to do" list, well, I'm out every night for the rest of the week, so most of that will probably have to wait for Saturday.

Overwhelmed and Discouraged

Okay, so, here's the scoop.

I got the final confirmation this morning that I will definitely be moving at the end of February (barring the miracle provision of a roommate in the next two days).  Even though I knew that that news was likely coming, it was sort of the final straw, and I've been bawling off and on ever since.

I seem to have lost the ability I've relied on for the last couple of days to hold it together.

I've known I was likely moving for quite some time, and I'd made my peace with it.

What I hadn't expected was to have to move into a new location without the freedom that having a car provides.

I hadn't talked about it here yet, because it was never my ideal situation, but I was/am looking at moving into my Grandma's basement for a while.  It wasn't the ideal situation because my grandma and I are about as opposite in personality as humanly possible, and I was pretty concerned about having privacy and freedom in that situation.  A car made it a doable thing, not only in terms of freedom, but in terms of the ability to get to and from work conveniently.  Grandma's house is convenient to where I work if I'm driving.

And then Tuesday happened.  And I suddenly don't have a car, or really any prospect of purchasing one in the next couple of months based on my finances.

And so I find myself staring at the reality that the only living situation I can really afford on my own right now is to live at Grandma's.  But that I've lost the vehicle that made living there a seemingly doable prospect.  Living there now, without a vehicle, will mean about three hours a day on city transit.  It will mean that to get anywhere I need to go, I can plan on it taking at least an hour by transit.  To get to my parent's home - a five minute drive - would likely take close to an hour by transit because of the way the connections work.

I don't really know what to do, and I'm feeling like there really aren't a lot of options.  And that all hit home this morning, so I've been busy bawling.

I'm overwhelmed and discouraged, and a bit lonely as well.

(oh and did I mention that even though my parents have been generous in offering to let me borrow a car for short periods of time, right now the idea of getting back behind the wheel is enough to spark panic attacks and a fresh round of tears?)

I'll snap out of it eventually.  I always do.  But, in the moment, I can't stop crying.  (maybe that's okay...)