Of mice and broken things

I cried about mouse poison this morning.  Well, more exactly, about the need to purchase mouse poison.

I heard it in the ceiling last night - that horrible skittering sound - and I talked myself out of believing it. I convinced myself it was grandma's dog upstairs.  I popped in earplugs to block out ambient noise, and turned up the Grey's Anatomy re-run I was watching on Netflix, and I convinced myself it was okay to sleep, and there wasn't something skittering around in the ceiling above my head, and that it wouldn't come through the pop-out ceiling tiles that my grandpa shoddily put in place decades ago, and land on me while I was sleeping.

It worked, too, until this morning when I heard it again, just before heading upstairs and discovering that the dog was outside.

And then I called my mom and I cried.  Because I needed to go out and buy mouse poison.

More exactly, I cried because this seemed like the last straw in a week that had been filled with hard stuff.

Two different good friends are facing major illnesses in parents right now.

Others are facing major illnesses of their own.

My nursing semester hasn't started off anything like what I was hoping, and I'm playing a waiting game, getting more and more stressed about getting in the hours that I need before the deadline in early December.

It just seems like the last week has been full of hard things in my life, and in the lives of people I love.

And now there's a mouse in my ceiling, making my already ridiculous living situation just that much crazier.

The mouse was the last straw.  I ended up leaving the house, walking to a local bookstore, and browsing until I'd managed to calm myself out of an anxiety attack.

Then I walked home and put mouse poison in my ceiling, and convinced myself that earplugs are a great invention.

I'm drained - so drained that I couldn't even make a decision about what to make for dinner.  I let a friend on facebook do it for me. (I'm going to make a turkey burger and some steamed veggies).

I'm drained, and I'm sad, but I did manage to fight off an anxiety attack today.  And I'm going to have a healthy meal, and then maybe go for another quick walk in the sun, just to gear up for bed.

So I cried over mouse poison, but really, I cried over broken things - a broken world, broken bodies, broken organizations, and a broken house.  And then I got up and did something about the one of those things I could tangibly manage.  And that made me feel just a little bit better as I walked home from the bookstore, and from buying mouse poison and tried to pray.

Monday night musings

Here is a random assortment of things I'm currently thinking about.

I have an ongoing, friendly argument with my roommate about whether you can eat pancakes and bacon for supper. If I cook pancakes, it's only ever at suppertime. My roommate says that pancakes cannot be eaten for any meal other than breakfast. I had pancakes and bacon for a late supper tonight, and it was extraordinarily satisfying.

Today started off very poorly. I felt ill, and stressed, and defeated. Somehow, as the stress of trying to accomplish a thousand things on a very short deadline at work took over, the illness and the defeat melted away a bit.

I often forget that God is faithful to answer the prayers I cry out on mornings like that - the desperate pleas, even demands, for strength and energy on which to lean.

I was thinking about trust a lot today. It's a word that has come up rather frequently of late. I generally am not a particularly trusting person. I have a lot of hope, but not a lot of trust. I realized, though, that there is one thing that I almost unfailingly trust - that in the moments when I am most exhausted, but still need to meet up with a friend, or a youth kid, and be able to listen and pray and see and exercise discernment, that even in the exhaustion the Lord is faithful to meet with me and give me the strength, energy, words and discernment necessary for that moment. It almost unfailingly leaves the second I leave the person, but is always there in the moments I most need it.

This is a week for slogging. Work is insanely busy, and I will be away for the weekend at a conference for work. (There's nothing like working through a weekend without compensation, and then going right back to the office first thing on Monday morning!) So, I'll push through, and I'll be really glad when the following weekend comes along.

I still haven't caught the mice in my house. But I do definitely have mice. So, I've cleaned my closet, restored order to it (and put things up on little shelves and off the floor), left traps set, and decided to move on with life. We'll keep things clean, keep an eye on our food cupboards for signs that the infestation of rodents has spread, and move on with life.

I'm hoping to buy new glasses sometime in the next couple of weeks. This is an exciting prospect for me, as I've been wearing my current glasses for over five years. I have benefits that will cover $200 of the cost (which will be $400-$500 - for two pairs as I generally get a 2 for 1 deal), which is also helpful. (Just as a random fact, my glasses always cost more than some people's because my vision is wonky. I'm nearsighted in one eye and farsighted in the other. My left eye is also lazy.)

I am so over winter. Over the weekend it got cold here again, and snowed a couple of inches. It's nearly April, warm weather would be much appreciated. I need spring. In fact, I bought daisies to put on our dining room table from the grocery store yesterday because I was so desperate for a touch of color and spring.

Okay... I have some poetry to read, and some stuff to sort through, and some emails to send. Happy last day of March!

Home Sick and Mice

I'm home from work today.

Praying that it's just exhaustion (from months of sleeping only 4 or 5 hours a night) and not a flu bug. Queasy, exhaustion, aching body, possibly fever.

I got up just long enough to send my office an email telling them I wasn't going to be able to come in today, then went back to bed and slept another three hours. Planning to take a nice long nap this afternoon as well.

Oh yes, and a mouse update.

After some maneuvering, Mom and I figured out how to arm the mousetraps yesterday afternoon. (Mom nearly broke her finger in the process - her fingers being notoriously fragile).

I put several traps around the house and set out to wait.

Nothing.

Figures.

Maybe the mouse I saw was a figment of an overstressed imagination? I was involved in an intense conversation at the time.

If I don't catch anything for a couple more days, I'll patch a few holes in my closet wall (discovered upon emptying the closet) and put my belongings back in place, instead of them being strewn across my bedroom floor.

Awake? and mice?

I'm awake.

After approximately 3 hours of sleep.

Does that even count as enough to be called a "night's sleep"?

Does that even count as awake?

I'm sitting and praying, and hoping to fall back to sleep on my couch.

Also. I have mice. Or at least a mouse. In my house. (bad rhyme - did I mention I only got three hours of sleep?)

I was sitting in my chair in the corner of my bedroom last night, when I noticed movement in my closet. The third time I saw it, there was a mouse attached.

I'm really excited to find myself living somewhere with rodents.

25 years in Calgary, and we've only ever had one mouse (and that was in the garage). Now, I have one in my closet. Fantastic.

As soon as it's not 7:30 am any more, I'll be phoning my dad and asking for mouse traps.

I'm not really any better with dead rodents than live ones.

My roommate - who grew up in Africa and is a bit more used to creepy-crawly things is leaving any minute for a week long road trip.

Which means I get to deal with the mice issue all by myself.