Not Sure What to Say

I'm not actually sure what I want to say to you all right now.

I'm tired.

This has been another one of the hard days. (Though thankfully not quite so hard as others this week.)

I'm tired of the hard days.

My neck and spine ache.

I have a headache. A bad one.

I'm going to see if I can buy an audio Bible tonight. For two reasons. The first is that I've realized I cling to scripture, but I've been too exhausted to read and absorb lately, and I'm hoping that listening will do the trick. The other is that I fall asleep with a book or a sermon on cd playing nearly every night, and I like the idea of scripture playing over me as I try to sleep.

I'm not sure I'll actually buy one. I'm a bit ambivalent about spending the money right now.

I should really attack any number of projects once I get home tonight, but I think I'm going to take a night off. Light some candles, maybe some incense, and curl up in a chair and do something mindless for a while. Maybe lay on my floor and talk with Jesus. Maybe do a bit of reading. Maybe just a bubble bath and then attack the project of beginning to pack for our move. Either way, I need a bit of down time.

Quick thoughts...

Can I just say that when I set my mind to cooking, I'm very good at it? I had a fantastic dinner last night... Sweet chili beef and peppers and onions, done in a wrap, with lettuce, and tzatziki sauce. (And carrot sticks on the side). So good.

Also, I made significant progress on my list of "things still to do today" from my last post. Over half-way done (which is way more than I expected.)

I got some good time in journalling. I lit candles, and made my bedroom back into a peaceful, prayerful space, instead of a dumping zone for my belongings. I have a list of things that need to get done this week (yes, I'm back to using the list method of organizing my life.) I gracefully extricated myself from a committment I never wanted to be a part of anyway, giving myself one more free night to be at home, resting and writing this week. (The need for rest and quiet has been huge lately, and writing wise, my brand new journal, purchased the day after I returned home, and begun on Valentines Day is nearly a third full. The words have been coming - on paper at least - since coming home.) I burnt incense (a gift from Shelley) for the first time since coming home... I needed to smell it last night. I needed the reminders it carries with it.

And, I think I slept for almost 5.5 hours. Still tons of dreams. There hasn't been a night without the dreams since coming home, but, even though they remained full and intense last night, I don't feel quite as exhausted this morning.

Plus, I had a walk and train ride into work that was full of interesting thoughts for further exploration, all of which I quickly jotted in my journal on the last leg of the train ride.

This could actually be an okay Monday!