Like Jonah

A number of years ago when I was trying to arrange for a half-day alone with God, a friend sent me an article on ways to organize a half-day of prayer, along with the suggestion that I choose a bible character, or a short book of scripture and use the day to focus on that.  When I asked her what she suggested for me, her response made me laugh and feel slightly puzzled.  She said that I reminded her of Jonah, and perhaps I would like to spend some time with his story.

I didn't understand what parallels she saw between myself and Jonah then, but these days I think I'm beginning to understand, and I smile at the insight this friend had into my life and personality.

I was reminded of that conversation last night as the scripture reading plan I'm currently using had me working my way through the book of Jonah again tonight.

Years after that conversation, I see the patterns of Jonah in my life.

The thing where I knowingly flee from God's will and direction.

The thing where he meets me in that place of fleeing and offers mercy to me.

The thing where I then grudgingly, and often after disobedience move in the direction he first asked.

And the thing where I get disgruntled when what happens after I follow God's will is not what I expected or planned.

Last night I laughed and saw myself as I read the following verse, "This change of plans greatly upset Jonah, and he became very angry.  So he complained to the Lord about it..."

I know that feeling.  I've lived a good chunk of the last three years or so in that place.

I stepped out in obedience (and this was even one of the times where I wasn't doing after trying my own way first).  And what resulted, from either God's hand, or spiritual attack, or just the humanness of people, was nothing like what I expected or hoped for.

Jonah had a certain amount of pride in his skills as a prophet, and he was upset when God showed mercy.  But the pride - he actually said, "Just kill me now, Lord!  I'd rather be dead than alive if what I predicted will not happen."

I think we look at that and recognize the pride pretty easily.  I mean, really?  He's mad because God has chosen to shower love and mercy instead of the judgment and destruction he'd sent Jonah to proclaim?  What kind of man of God gets mad when God offers mercy?  This is the same guy who just had his life amusingly spared by being swallowed by a giant fish, praying in the fish bowels, and then being basically vomited onto dry land.  This guy who'd just been offered a great mercy, was angry that God was offering the same to the people he'd asked Jonah to condemn.

And yet, I think I recognize that tendency in myself as well.  There is a certain pride that can exist in knowing that I acted in obedience and a certain sense of feeling like I have a right to be angry with him at the results that he has allowed.  I can loose sight of the fact that it was God who called in the first place, and that I'm not responsible for the results, only for how I continue to walk in the midst of that.  All I'm responsible for is continually seeking God's guidance and choosing continually to walk in obedience to that which I sense he is leading me to.

And today I find myself thinking about Jonah, and confessing again that I have been prideful and passed judgment in places where my heart needs to extend mercy.