Thursday, January 28, 2010

A Bit Discouraged

I'm feeling a little bit discouraged tonight, as the reality that I will likely be moving in a month, and won't have a vehicle begin to hit home.

I haven't really cried since the accident - I was too busy holding it together, convincing myself that I was okay, making necessary phone calls, handling details.

Tonight I've cried, and am crying.

I'm sure it's some combination of exhaustion, left-over adrenaline, pain (yesterday it wasn't too bad, and I only took painkillers a couple of times, today I've been clock-watching, waiting for the four hours to be up so that I can take the next dose), and shock, but I also feel a bit of discouragement and loss of freedom.

The reality is that there are not many apartments in a price range I can afford, and even fewer of those are in a location that won't have me spending 3-4 hours a day commuting via public transit.  I don't really want to take on more debt to buy a car right now, and my savings certainly won't pay for a vehicle.

Tomorrow, I'm sure things will somehow look more hopeful, and an hour from now, I'll show up here and make a list of things that I'm thankful for from today, or things that made me smile, but just in this moment, I'm feeling discouraged, and if the tears will flow, I'm going to let them.

2 comments:

tea said...

Sometimes crying helps. (At least for me.) I will be praying for you Lisa.
Hugs to you..

Lisa said...

crying did help a little.
thanks for the prayer Tea, I really appreciate them today. And the hugs too :)