Saturday, June 13, 2009


I'm awake way too early.

Granted, I have to be out of the house by 9:15 on my way to the day's plans, but this is too early.

And I'm feeling neurotic and insecure.

I shared some rather vulnerable thoughts with a dear friend last night (and, to clarify up front, the response was fine).

But, even when the response was fine, the neuroses and insecurities rise up. The voices get loud, and sometimes they gain power.

I always forget that that's going to happen when I share myself, particularly the deeper parts of me, in writing. But it happens every time. I think it's kind of like how they say that women forget the pain of labor so that they'll have another child. If I remembered how strong the voices of insecurity would become, I'd be less likely to share.

These days I'm better at combatting them, and the lies they tell. In fact, I was quite amused as I journaled about one of the lines they were using last night. It was, I wrote, both the most difficult, and the easiest to counter.

They get loud, and for a day or two I'm neurotic.

In any case, I liked this line that Hope posted to her blog last night. You can find it here. I'm praying for my authentic self to appear.


Natalie said...

I am glad you "forget" how loud the voices get, because they need to shut up! You have good things to share my friend!

Hope said...

I keep writing pithy little sentences to encourage you and then deleting them because they make me grit my teeth.

I have my own days of feeling neurotic and insecure. Thankfully they are temporary and it takes scads of energy to challenge the sometimes negative self talk that can go on in my head. At the end of the day, neurotic or not, I still like me.

I'll be in your neck of the woods tomorrow night but not able to see you. I have a medical test at the PLC early on Monday and will be leaving town as soon as it's done. :(
I'll be back there by myself in July and am going to make time to meet you if you want. Maybe we can enjoy being neurotic and insecure together then.

Thanks for your continued presence in my life.

Lisa said...

Nat - thanks friend :)

Hope - thanks for telling me that you avoided the pithy little sentences - that was actually far more encouraging and smile inducing than a pithy comment ever could have been!

It does take so much energy to challenge the negative voices... some days are better than others... I set them aside mostly today in favor of the plans I had, and was glad they went semi-easily...

And yes, I'd love to meet you in July - just let me know!

And I'll say thanks back, for continuing to write and encourage me, and for stopping by here every once in a while :)