Insecure

I'm awake way too early.

Granted, I have to be out of the house by 9:15 on my way to the day's plans, but this is too early.

And I'm feeling neurotic and insecure.

I shared some rather vulnerable thoughts with a dear friend last night (and, to clarify up front, the response was fine).

But, even when the response was fine, the neuroses and insecurities rise up. The voices get loud, and sometimes they gain power.

I always forget that that's going to happen when I share myself, particularly the deeper parts of me, in writing. But it happens every time. I think it's kind of like how they say that women forget the pain of labor so that they'll have another child. If I remembered how strong the voices of insecurity would become, I'd be less likely to share.

These days I'm better at combatting them, and the lies they tell. In fact, I was quite amused as I journaled about one of the lines they were using last night. It was, I wrote, both the most difficult, and the easiest to counter.

They get loud, and for a day or two I'm neurotic.

In any case, I liked this line that Hope posted to her blog last night. You can find it here. I'm praying for my authentic self to appear.