Broken

I'm thinking a lot about a line from Psalm 51 this morning: "You have broken me, now let me rejoice."

The transition between worlds that I wrote about yesterday was harsher even than I knew at the time I wrote.

My heart is bruised and shattered.

I'm working to not assign blame, to not hate, to not play the "what if" game. Because, as a dear friend reminded me last night, speaking out the truth my heart was already wrestling with, "Jesus doesn't blame that person, or hate them."

The same friend reminded me that sometimes broken is "sweetly broken".

And so, I'm resting here. Praying deeply for those I love. Praying for my own heart scattered about in bits on the floor.

There are two days of work left. I just need to get through them. This week has been full. Too full. I need a weekend, and some rest. I need the ability to stay in bed, to curl up with scripture and a journal, and to be broken in peace, without needing to put on the facade of wholeness that my job requires.

"You have broken me, now let me rejoice."

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy.