On the Journey Toward Becoming Friends

The Henri Nouwen society also sends out a weekly email, written by someone who has been involved with the society, or L'Arche communities. This is the email I received this week...

On the Journey Toward Becoming Friends

written by DOUG WEIBE


Friendships are mysterious. They often begin and end when we least them expect them to. We sometimes become friends with people we are not initially drawn to. Sometimes we don't develop the kind of friendship we desire with someone we are attracted to. Some friendships take a lot of work, while others are as natural as breathing.

Friendship is a gift waiting to be revealed with every person I meet. With just a few people, the gift of covenant relationship will be revealed. With very many people, the gift of friendly waves and weather conversations will unfold. In between are the gifts of healthy working friendships, close lifelong friendships, friendships born in crisis, celebration, a shared passion for coffee, golf, children, faith, travel, et cetera.

Friendships are life-giving when we accept, nurture, and celebrate the particular gift that is present in each. Friendships are draining and difficult when we reject the gift by either not accepting the intimacy offered or trying to make the gift more intimate than it was ever meant to be.

These gifts of friendship are scattered like ripe fruit in the gardens of our lives, waiting to be tasted and enjoyed. Each gift is given by a loving God, who knows what we need and who desires a friendship with every one of us. Therefore, while we may choose our friendships, we do not create the gift of friendship. We can work on our friendships, but we cannot change them into something they are not gifted to be. This is the pain and the joy, the poverty and the incredible freedom we experience on the journey to becoming friends.