I feel a little bad for ranting a bit about my church yesterday. Because, the truth is, I did attend out of obligation - I'd promised someone else that I would pick them up (I've been driving anywhere from 1-5 other women who don't have access to vehicles for several months now.) And, quite honestly, I sat there, feeling mostly dead inside from my own exhaustion, and missing my close friends, who were travelling or couldn't make it out last night.
The worship time washed over me, and I relaxed a little. I could feel my emotions settling into the simple realization of my exhaustion, rather than the tumult they had been.
I chatted with a new friend and an old friend, and enjoyed it.
I listened to other people share what their holidays had been like, and was both happy and sad as was appropriate to the stories.
I ate cookies - we have the best cookies ever at house church.
And I had the opportunity to have a conversation about my friend in crisis. With someone else who she'd dropped her bombshell's on last week. And it was here that God encouraged me. Because the person I talked to was understanding. She took the time to simply listen to my exhaustion - because of my own journey lately, and because of my friend in crisis. And I so appreciated those minutes as we sat there. The chance to get some things off my chest. To know that I made some wise decisions in talking with my friend last night.
Our house church was smaller (less than half) than normal last night. And I appreciated it. Because people who don't normally share were able to speak out. Because it felt intimate instead of an extension of the more impersonal large gathering Sunday nights. And yes, I still missed my friends greatly, but I'm not sorry I dragged myself there out of obligation. Because it was good. And I was encouraged.
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
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2 comments:
I have the same reaction to large gatherings vs. small gatherings. Small is better because it's more connecting and intimate.
Sorry to hear you're exhausted~ I hope this isn't usual.
I don't believe God wants that for you, or for anyone ~ I've come to believe that ongoing exhaustion is actually a sign that we're taking on more than God wills us to do.
It's unavoidable, sometimes, but truly, I don't think that exhaustion as a regular thing is part of God's plan. It looks like you have a real need to slow things down a bit, take a breather, and refresh yourself.
Christine, no, exhaustion isn't usual, just occasional. Right now, it's a combination of things. I am not a good sleeper - never have been - and I am not sleeping that great right now. I am dealing with some fairly intense issues in my own life, with the help of God. I am also continuing to serve as the point of contact for a friend in crisis, and that adds. Add to that the fact that the people who are my major support system in both my life and in handling the crises of my friend are out of town for three weeks, and things have stacked up a little. I actually slept last night, and that helped. I feel a little more ready to face the world this morning.
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