Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 176

Today's Daily 5:

1. "provocative snit mode"
2. sleeping in a bit this morning (even if the night wasn't that restful, it was nice to not have to rise early, and snag any extra little bit of rest)
3. booking flights for an escape that is less than two weeks away
4. I French braided my hair today, just for a change.  I liked how it looked.
5. glancing down and catching sight of the pretty bright, deep pink color that I painted my toenails last night
6. wearing earrings I hadn't worn since the day I spent wandering the LA garment district with a dear friend in September.  I love those earrings, and the memory of that September day was lovely too.
7. corn bread with honey butter (have you ever had honey butter?  SO good)
8. coming home from school to find a tasty supper prepared and waiting
9. thankful that when I fell on some ice today, it wasn't at all serious
10. a good natural health treatment tonight.

Lesson Learned

Today I learned that attempting to read a memoir about India and learning Hindi, while fighting off a drifting off to sleep, and attempting to filter out the voice of the woman sitting behind me on the bus, talking loudly in an unidentified language (not Spanish, probably Portuguese or Tagalog), is enough to make one's head spin.

I was also reminded that if I am drifting off to sleep every time I get on the bus and sit still for a while, then I perhaps need to take aim at an earlier bedtime to compensate.

Praying Out Loud

I hate praying aloud.

Hate it.

Even blessing the food at a meal.

Please don't ask me.

I will do anything I can to avoid it.

Years ago, when I was in the twelfth grade,  my young life leader caught wind of just how much I hated praying aloud.  (Actually, at the time, I would have used the word "hate" for prayer in general.)  She, being wiser than I'd care to admit at times, forced the issue.  I no longer had a choice.  She could control me with her eyes.  If we were in a small group setting, and praying aloud was optional for everyone else, she'd tell me with her eyes (and sometimes with her words) that it was not an option for me.  If we were sharing a meal together, guess whose job it was to bless the food?

It's been a decade since that year I spent being forced into prayer by a loving friend.  These days prayer, the silent kind anyway, is as natural as breathing, and one of the things God has consistently asked of me and gifted me for. 

But I still hate praying aloud.

I've been thinking of it more often lately, that perhaps it's a discipline I need to cultivate again.

But I hadn't really felt any great drive or conviction until last week.

Last week I met with a long-time friend of mine who is the pentecostal chaplain at the university that I'm attending.  We spent an hour or so catching up, and, as I looked at my watch and realized that I needed to head off to class, he closed our time together by praying for me.

I walked away from that time refreshed.  It's not often these days that I am prayed for in person, and I had forgotten how encouraging it can be simply to hear someone lift me before the Father.  And as I walked away, I began to tell God how thankful I was for that time, for that needed encouragement.

And as I told him that, I felt God reminding me that perhaps I should be more willing to offer that encouragement and blessing to others.

I haven't figured out what that looks like, yet.  I'm not often in settings where prayer aloud would be appropriate.  Perhaps, in my case, it looks like asking one or two of my far away friends if we can close our phone conversations and skype dates by praying together, for each other.

In any case, I feel that strong internal nudging, that reminder to be willing, and so I'm seeking to be obedient to that, and aware of opportunities to life others before the Father, in their hearing.

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 175

It was a nasty sort of day, and I was in full meltdown mode by about 3:00 this afternoon.  A long, weird day had ensued, the weather was awful, and a phone call informing me of a change of evening plans that I hadn't even been particularly invested in was the tipping point.  I found myself talking on my cellphone, in a green tiled university hallway, with tears welling up, and not even understanding why there were suddenly tears.

I ended up deciding that what my bruised and weary soul needed was a night of nothingness, and that's what I gave it.  Brainless entertainment, laughter in several forms, and a moratorium on homework.  Oh, and chocolate and my favorite soup (now discontinued, and slowly dwindling in my freezer.)

It's the kind of day when a Daily 5 list is important, and the kind of day when it's harder to write.

Here's what I came up with for Today's Daily 5:

1. A late night exchange last night with my former roommate, L, about the nasty weather we were expecting overnight.  I wrote her commenting "Why on earth do I live here?"  Her response made me laugh out loud, and basically involved her telling me that she'd wondered that herself when she was living here!
2. That the city had actually cleaned their portion of the sidewalk that I had to walk to get to the bus this morning.  That doesn't sound like much, but when you're slogging through 8 inches of dense, newly fallen snow, a shovelled walk is a blessing.
3. Cozy mittens
4. Recognizing choices differently
5. Being able to duplicate some work from one class for another class, thus saving myself hours of research time
6. a class getting canceled that allowed me to attend a Monday noon-hour worship gathering led by my chaplain friend on campus.  I needed that 40 minutes of worship and quiet space fairly badly today.
7. the reminder, via some hard things, to be praying for some friends
8. my last class of the day ended early
9. both of my current favorite targets for sarcasm and snarking were out in full force this evening, allowing for brainless entertainment and laughter
10. "watching" The Bachelor with a far away friend tonight and laughing together
11. wearing a cute scarf and earrings to school today
12. giving myself a pass on something I'd told myself I should do, but is absolutely unneccessary
13. Italian wedding soup for supper
14. good drinking water
15. going to bed early tonight, in my own bed, and knowing I don't have class early tomorrow at all, and can thus sleep in without setting an alarm, and hopefully feel a bit recovered when I emerge to face the world tomorrow

Not Sure What I'd Do

On Saturday, Rachel Held Evans posted this guest post, written by Lisa McKay.

The post, entitled "The Blessings of the Bai Si" intrigued me. 

First, because I am fascinated by culture, and am particularly sensitive to the spiritual realm.

And second, because I'm not entirely certain what I would do in that sort of situation.  How comfortable I would be in a setting that involves a clear interaction with the spiritual realm.

And so, I've been pondering culture, and being sensitive to that, while still being true to my own faith.

And I honestly don't have an answer for you.  Not a single one.

Two years ago, even, I would have probably refused to be part of a ritual like the one that McKay described.

Now, I don't know.

Because I'm sensitive to the spiritual realm, and have wrestled with that sensitivity for years, I feel uncomfortable with the idea of knowingly involving myself with a ritual that emphasizes those interactions.

And yet, I am increasingly aware that I do not need to fear the darkness.  That I can walk amongst it, and be protected.

And that sometimes, it really just is about the blessing.  That God can allow me to receive the honor and blessing being conveyed to me, while protecting me from any evil that is also being conveyed, however unintentionally.

I don't know what I would do, but I'm curious to hear your thoughts.