- Having an apology accepted
- eating a banana for breakfast
- An unexpected phone call from a friend on a really rough morning, inviting me out to lunch
- an email from another friend that reminded me that I am loved
- another email reminded me I am being prayed for and taking steps towards being really free
- lunch and prayer with a dear friend
- sunbeams
- basil mayo and Mediterranean flat bread at the restaurant for lunch
- learning a new word in Spanish
- a long hot shower
- leftover Chinese take-out for supper
- dropping off a few resumes and getting an almost immediate call scheduling an interview for Wednesday afternoon
- a day that was so much better than it seemed it would be upon waking
- really great service (above and beyond) at the Blacks Photo location I went to to get photos printed
- complimentary printed photos because of issues I'd been having with the website for Blacks this last week
- lighting candles
- spending a chunk of time sticking photos of people I love and of moments that are happy memories to a wall where I can see them easily.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 64
Today's Daily 5:
Limbo
If I could take back the last hour and a half, I would.
Sometimes this living my entire life in limbo business catches up to me, and exhaustion piles up, and I stay stuff I regret.
out loud. to people I love.
this was one of those nights, the sort of ridiculous capper on a day that actually wasn't too bad.
honestly, after moments like this I contemplate life as a hermit, and battle against feeling convinced that I don't fit in any sort of polite company.
and I speak out of this place of limbo.
and out of a place where the longer the limbo lasts, the more invisible and discouraged I feel at times.
and I battle some long held thought patterns. lies mostly.
thankfully with a bit more help than I used to have.
tonight I am reminding myself that I'm not a total disaster all of the time.
that for most of today I was not an emotional basket case (or that I at least didn't share my basket-case like feelings with the world at large.)
that not every day will be like this.
that I am taking steps in my life to make this better.
but today, right this minute, with tears running down my face, after having another tired, emotional and angry conversation with someone I love, I feel just a bit helpless and hopeless and alone.
and living in limbo feels like hell.
Sometimes this living my entire life in limbo business catches up to me, and exhaustion piles up, and I stay stuff I regret.
out loud. to people I love.
this was one of those nights, the sort of ridiculous capper on a day that actually wasn't too bad.
honestly, after moments like this I contemplate life as a hermit, and battle against feeling convinced that I don't fit in any sort of polite company.
and I speak out of this place of limbo.
and out of a place where the longer the limbo lasts, the more invisible and discouraged I feel at times.
and I battle some long held thought patterns. lies mostly.
thankfully with a bit more help than I used to have.
tonight I am reminding myself that I'm not a total disaster all of the time.
that for most of today I was not an emotional basket case (or that I at least didn't share my basket-case like feelings with the world at large.)
that not every day will be like this.
that I am taking steps in my life to make this better.
but today, right this minute, with tears running down my face, after having another tired, emotional and angry conversation with someone I love, I feel just a bit helpless and hopeless and alone.
and living in limbo feels like hell.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 63
Today's Daily 5:
- peanut butter toast
- a morning laying in bed without wondering if the noises upstairs were my sketchy uncle moving around, and wondering what he was doing
- a reminder in a chocolate wrapper that it's okay to say "no" sometimes
- reminding myself of truth in the midst of some really tough moments
- watching a bit of food network early in the day
On Boss's Day
Someone sent me a link to this e-card the other day, and I had to laugh. For those of you who remember reading the little I shared about the job I lost in May, you'll laugh too. For those of you who don't have that context, well, my former roommates referred to that place of employment as "The Soap Opera" and would ask what had happened each day when I got home.
(just as a side note, I find quite a few of the cards on someecards to be funny, but a whole lot of them definitely cross my line into inappropriate and crude.)
(just as a side note, I find quite a few of the cards on someecards to be funny, but a whole lot of them definitely cross my line into inappropriate and crude.)
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 62
Today's Daily 5:
- Sitting in the sun at the bus stop this morning
- laughing over a particularly goofy conversation involving yoga and downward dog with my parents
- an appointment on the other side of the city only requiring one bus to get there (so nice when there are no transfers involved, and I can just settle in and get lost in thought.)
- having GPS on my phone (made it so easy to find the right stop to get off the bus when traveling to my appointment at an unfamiliar location.)
- laughing as the bus became a multi-cultural experience when it passed through China town and there was a sudden influx of very elderly, loudly chattering Chinese ladies.
- giggling over a particularly feisty old lady at a different bus stop, who was giving directions to a couple of very lost tourists, and loudly informing us that she got around pretty well for someone who was 88, thank you very much!
- a quiet evening at mom and dad's and staying here overnight
- an unexpected phone call from my dear friend, A, just checking in
- friends who offer deep encouragement and prayer
- finding things to laugh about in the oddest of places
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