- sleeping unexpectedly well, even after receiving sad news last night
- French toast
- mom taking me out for bruch
- A sunnier day
- good deals on a few groupons for future escapes
- accomplishing some small tasks
- A really funny text message that made me think again, "I know some really interesting people."
- "People. Are. Weird."
- "There are many shades of irony. Mine just happens to be a very, very, very bright shade."
- doing yoga again
- cuddling baby M for a while
- house church
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 60
Today's Daily 5:
Praying...
I'm pausing today to pray for friends who are grieving.
My friends F and N were with their mom as her battle with cancer ended yesterday. I sat and wept when I got the news a year ago that cancer had invaded, and I sat and wept when I got the news last night that the battle was now over. Each of them spoke of their mom's beautiful smile - a smile I've witnessed at various moments - most recently as she walked down the aisle with F and her dad at F's wedding in August.
I've known F and N for a long time.
I met N first. At a church I used to attend. In a time where I think we were both asking similar questions about this God we knew, and how a life of faith might look different from what we'd grown up with. Questions about God speaking and miracles and hope.
He would read my blog, and come and find me at church on Sunday nights. Especially during those bewildering months following my healing from depression, when my life turned upside down, and I was walking out a crazy journey of standing with others who were struggling, while simply trying to keep my head above water. N. asked good questions. And, I remember one Sunday night in particular, when he simply prayed for me.
Somewhere along the way, I met his little sister, F., and she became a very dear friend. The sort of friend whom one can be perfectly honest with. We shared a particularly twisted sense of humor (though I think hers is perhaps more refined, even, than mine!) and for the last several years have laughed our way through the craziest and deepest of conversations, checking in with each other from time to time, and trying to make it a priority to see each other once a month or so. There were several times during the challenging last few years, where on a really hard day she'd show up unexpectedly at my office to see if I was free for lunch. I remember one particular day, sitting in a Wendy's and laughing hard, as she reminded me I needed to "take pictures" of a coming weekend I was fearfully anticipating. When I looked at her quizzically, her eyes glowed, and she described the sorts of "pictures" she was mentally seeing. I still laugh every time I think about those "pictures" and the ridiculous twinge of humor they added to that weekend. Those mental images got me through that challenging weekend.
Only a few months ago, just before her wedding, F and I spent some time together, and she reminded me again that she is the kind of friend with whom I can be completely honest, no filters necessary. We were having our usual "what's up in our lives" catching up sort of conversation, and I was answering a sarcastic question she'd asked, "So how's that for you?" I started to answer and stopped myself, wondering if she'd caught the change in direction of my words. She waited patiently for me to finish and then paused, and asked, "You were going to say 'it's been hell,' weren't you? You know you can say that, right?" I did know, but that reminder has stuck with me, reminding me of the sort of friendship she has offered unconditionally, in the moments when I didn't seem to have much to offer in return.
I'm praying today, for F. and N. and their siblings and foster sibling and dad, and all of the many, many people who are grieving because their lives were touched by this family, and by F and N's mom.
And I'm sitting in thankfulness for their mom, and the children she raised, who have offered me parts of their lives and hearts.
May you know the peace of a God who is good, who offers mercy both harsh and tender. And may you be surrounded by those who love you, and who's lives your mom touched. May you know comfort in words, but also in silence.
Much love and tears to you and your family today.
Lisa
My friends F and N were with their mom as her battle with cancer ended yesterday. I sat and wept when I got the news a year ago that cancer had invaded, and I sat and wept when I got the news last night that the battle was now over. Each of them spoke of their mom's beautiful smile - a smile I've witnessed at various moments - most recently as she walked down the aisle with F and her dad at F's wedding in August.
I've known F and N for a long time.
I met N first. At a church I used to attend. In a time where I think we were both asking similar questions about this God we knew, and how a life of faith might look different from what we'd grown up with. Questions about God speaking and miracles and hope.
He would read my blog, and come and find me at church on Sunday nights. Especially during those bewildering months following my healing from depression, when my life turned upside down, and I was walking out a crazy journey of standing with others who were struggling, while simply trying to keep my head above water. N. asked good questions. And, I remember one Sunday night in particular, when he simply prayed for me.
Somewhere along the way, I met his little sister, F., and she became a very dear friend. The sort of friend whom one can be perfectly honest with. We shared a particularly twisted sense of humor (though I think hers is perhaps more refined, even, than mine!) and for the last several years have laughed our way through the craziest and deepest of conversations, checking in with each other from time to time, and trying to make it a priority to see each other once a month or so. There were several times during the challenging last few years, where on a really hard day she'd show up unexpectedly at my office to see if I was free for lunch. I remember one particular day, sitting in a Wendy's and laughing hard, as she reminded me I needed to "take pictures" of a coming weekend I was fearfully anticipating. When I looked at her quizzically, her eyes glowed, and she described the sorts of "pictures" she was mentally seeing. I still laugh every time I think about those "pictures" and the ridiculous twinge of humor they added to that weekend. Those mental images got me through that challenging weekend.
Only a few months ago, just before her wedding, F and I spent some time together, and she reminded me again that she is the kind of friend with whom I can be completely honest, no filters necessary. We were having our usual "what's up in our lives" catching up sort of conversation, and I was answering a sarcastic question she'd asked, "So how's that for you?" I started to answer and stopped myself, wondering if she'd caught the change in direction of my words. She waited patiently for me to finish and then paused, and asked, "You were going to say 'it's been hell,' weren't you? You know you can say that, right?" I did know, but that reminder has stuck with me, reminding me of the sort of friendship she has offered unconditionally, in the moments when I didn't seem to have much to offer in return.
I'm praying today, for F. and N. and their siblings and foster sibling and dad, and all of the many, many people who are grieving because their lives were touched by this family, and by F and N's mom.
And I'm sitting in thankfulness for their mom, and the children she raised, who have offered me parts of their lives and hearts.
May you know the peace of a God who is good, who offers mercy both harsh and tender. And may you be surrounded by those who love you, and who's lives your mom touched. May you know comfort in words, but also in silence.
Much love and tears to you and your family today.
Lisa
Goodbyes
I received two emails in the last hour or two.
One from a brother.
and one from his sister.
both of whom I'm privileged to call friends.
she is a very dear friend.
their family had been deeply on my heart this afternoon, though I didn't really know why.
today they said goodbye to their mom.
I read their words and wished I could gather each of them into a hug.
I will, I'm sure, in the coming days and weeks.
I read their words and wept.
at their love for their mother.
at the fact that they and so many they love walk now in the valley of the shadow.
with joy that, as one of them put it, "the end is not the end".
I sat and wept tonight.
Because it was all I knew to do.
One from a brother.
and one from his sister.
both of whom I'm privileged to call friends.
she is a very dear friend.
their family had been deeply on my heart this afternoon, though I didn't really know why.
today they said goodbye to their mom.
I read their words and wished I could gather each of them into a hug.
I will, I'm sure, in the coming days and weeks.
I read their words and wept.
at their love for their mother.
at the fact that they and so many they love walk now in the valley of the shadow.
with joy that, as one of them put it, "the end is not the end".
I sat and wept tonight.
Because it was all I knew to do.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 59
Today's Daily 5:
- waking up in my own bed
- a mostly peaceful sleep
- talking on skype with a good friend
- Watching the rescue of the Chilean miners (and the ascent of all the rescue workers). What a moment to remember, and how emotional!
- Chinese pork bun for lunch
- ordering a book I've been wanting to read online
- getting an encouraging note in response to a prayer request from my friend J. in the US
- exercise and a long hot shower
- a rice krispy square
- replying to an email I'd been procrastinating on a reply to, because it stirred a bunch of confusion about my current life/job situation
- cooking dinner at mom and dad's and making a new recipe for the first time in months
- unexpectedly getting a necessary errand from my list for the week accomplished
- hitting a good sale on toilet paper (hey - it is about the small things that make me smile, and having a necessary item on sale, when I actually needed it was fabulous!)
- getting a treatment from mom
- hanging out at home for an evening... in my space, with my stuff... sometimes it just feels good to be here, even if I don't like where my space and stuff are currently located.
From Other Voices
This has been a harder week, and I'm struggling quite a bit.
Some other's voices and images from around the blogging world struck me this morning, and since I'm feeling a lack of my own words, I thought I'd share those links with you.
Dead Weight - Alece's words about her heart "death gripping" struck me today, because I know that place well.
This photo that Dana posted hit hard. I hope the journey depicted in this sculpture is the one I'm on. I so desire freedom!
Ann's words about rain, and a wounded healer grabbed my heart today too.
and Jon Acuff's words about being loved were a bit like water for a very thirsty and tired soul.
And then there was this. Annie's post about shopping for "girly things" and her crazy shopping experience. That one just made me laugh out loud. And that was maybe the best medicine of all for my weary heart today. To picture that experience and giggle as it played out in my mind's eye.
So on this day when I'm tired, I'm pausing to be thankful for other people's words. For the ones that made me feel less alone, for the ones that carried hope, and the ones that made me laugh.
And I'm pausing, too, to pray for friends.
For a few different ones facing some health challenges.
For marriages and babies.
For two I heard from last night who are watching the life of one dear to them draw to a close, barring the miracle so many are beseeching God for. For their family, and the many who are connected to them and love them. For comfort and grace and peace. For that miracle.
For provision for myself and others who are struggling with tight finances.
Because maybe pausing to pray is one of the better things I can do for my heart today.
Some other's voices and images from around the blogging world struck me this morning, and since I'm feeling a lack of my own words, I thought I'd share those links with you.
Dead Weight - Alece's words about her heart "death gripping" struck me today, because I know that place well.
This photo that Dana posted hit hard. I hope the journey depicted in this sculpture is the one I'm on. I so desire freedom!
Ann's words about rain, and a wounded healer grabbed my heart today too.
and Jon Acuff's words about being loved were a bit like water for a very thirsty and tired soul.
And then there was this. Annie's post about shopping for "girly things" and her crazy shopping experience. That one just made me laugh out loud. And that was maybe the best medicine of all for my weary heart today. To picture that experience and giggle as it played out in my mind's eye.
So on this day when I'm tired, I'm pausing to be thankful for other people's words. For the ones that made me feel less alone, for the ones that carried hope, and the ones that made me laugh.
And I'm pausing, too, to pray for friends.
For a few different ones facing some health challenges.
For marriages and babies.
For two I heard from last night who are watching the life of one dear to them draw to a close, barring the miracle so many are beseeching God for. For their family, and the many who are connected to them and love them. For comfort and grace and peace. For that miracle.
For provision for myself and others who are struggling with tight finances.
Because maybe pausing to pray is one of the better things I can do for my heart today.
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