Conglomeration

Here are a collection of somewhat random thoughts...

My brother came through the surgery today okay. It's now a waiting game. The trauma from the surgery has to heal before we can know if his ability to use his wrist will be restored. I continue to pray for healing and restoration.

A friend from a while back recently posted a recording of a song he wrote on his blog. I remember way back when he first wrote this one, falling in love with the song, with the encouragement it offered. I listened to it quite a few times today, in the midst of praying for my brother. You can find the post (with the song) here.

I am grateful for a quiet night tonight. I really needed it. I'm also grateful for a gentle push from a friend to spend some time honestly in front of Jesus.

I'm still caught by the fact that today is the anniversary of St. Clare leaving her wealth to follow Christ. I talked about that a little this morning. It just feels oddly important in the midst of this crazy season of deepening relationship with Jesus. I can't explain it yet without far too many words that don't quite fit. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to explain it. But it is important.

I'm hanging out with my best friend tomorrow. It'll be one of the last times we get to be together before she heads overseas for the next year and a half. I'm praying for special moments, for times with Jesus.

I'm planning to spend the rest of tomorrow curled up somewhere - a park, a coffee shop, my bedroom, doesn't much matter. I just need time to read and think and pray and write. I need to make the time and space to listen for Jesus on Good Friday, to listen and wait as Lent draws to a close.

I bought a book by Henri Nouwen last night that I'm quite excited to begin reading. The title? "Clowning in Rome"

At this moment, I have that book, as well as the following titles within arm's reach:

• my bible
• Francis & Clare of Assisi: Selected Writings
• The Living Reminder: Service and Prayer in Memory of Jesus Christ (Henri Nouwen)
• Take This Bread: A Radical Conversion (Sara Miles)
• The Last Eyewitness: The Final Week - John Relives Christ's Last Week Before the Crucifixion (Retold by Chris Seay & David Capes, with illustrations by Rob Pepper)

I like the aforementioned Rob Pepper's drawings of Rome. I quite easily recognize some of the things he's drawn from my trip there in February. You can find the Rome drawings here.

I think I'm going to move from the couch to my bed, curl up, and read myself to sleep. Here's hoping for a night of peaceful sleep.

A Day for Pushing Through

This is a mixed up sort of day.

Maundy Thursday. The day we mark the washing of the disciple’s feet, the institution of the Eucharist, the agony in Gethsemane, and the betrayal by Judas. A bloody day, filled with questions.

My baby brother is having surgery today, to hopefully correct a wrist injury he’s suffered from for nearly two years. An injury I’ve written about here before. T. has taught me so much as I’ve watched him struggle through this season. He truly felt it was God’s will to study worship and music, to major in guitar. He’d spent a year seeking the heart of God for his life after high school, and made the decision to pursue music. Within months of beginning school, he was forced to give up playing the guitar because of this injury. Over the last year and a half he has asked Jesus the hard questions, he’s struggled with the pain, and he’s walked into increasingly deep sensitivity to the word and spirit of God. Today the surgeon will shorten one of the bones in his wrist, in the hopes that the pressure that the bone creates will be alleviated, and that T’s ability to use his arm without pain will be restored. I have seen patience and depth sprout in him through this season, and today, as I mark again the body broken and the blood poured out, I am praying that God will restore wholeness to my brother’s body, because I know that the glory will be given to God alone.

March 20, 1212. The day Clare of Assisi left behind her riches and went to St. Francis to be blessed, to assume a life of poverty and devotion to Christ. I’ve been reading about Clare lately, talking about her a bit with a friend. She is the patron saint of eyes – significant in a season that has been about “seeing” with the eyes of Christ. One of only three female saints to be depicted carrying the host – the body of Christ – significant in a Lenten season that has time and time again driven home the idea of the body broken and the blood shed.

This is a day for pressing through. For remembering the verse in Hebrews that reminds us that joy comes after the suffering. “For the joy set before Him he endured the cross…”

I’ll go home from work tonight, and break a fast I’ve engaged in for the last week with bread and maybe with wine. Remembering the body broken and the blood shed. I’ll eat, and I’ll read, and I’ll pray, and I’ll rest. But until then, I’m pushing through, and the slogging feels slow and heavy.

Plans - Dashed and Future

I had great plans to hole up tonight, enjoy a quiet house and rest.

I came home to discover that the bible study my roommate usually hosts on Thursdays had been move to tonight to accomodate some scheduling changes.

It was loud in my house. Five women laughing and talking loudly, discussing, then cooking and eating together.

I wanted to spend an hour or so in the bathtub, soaking, and resting. That didn't happen either.

I'm tired. This week has been full. Full of pressing in, of reading and thinking and way too many people. I need a break. It's a good thing that this is a short week of work. I don't think I'd make it two more days. One will be enough of a challenge.

Here's my new plan. My roommate, and our houseguest will be out tomorrow night. I'm going to enjoy a silent house. I'm going to quietly break bread tomorrow night. I'm going to read, and to rest.

Tomorrow, I'm finishing out a fast, and beginning a new one of sorts. I'm praying and working and listening and reading.

Those are my plans. Quiet. Books. Prayer. Jesus. Bread.

Moving slower, healing deeper

I was listening to Jason Upton's "Trusting the Angels" album this morning, and found myself quite caught by the following lines. So descriptive of this Lenten season, and the broader season of my life right now. I'm moving slower, and it's taking a little longer, but I'm healing deeper and feeling stronger. This is a painful space, but a good space.

Now I’m moving slower and it takes a little longer
But I’m healing deeper and I’m feeling stronger
It’s tearing down defenses and opening my senses
To the wonder of a lover crying out

Come now let’s reason together
Come now where blood turns to wool
Come now where fire is the measure
Come now where fools turn to gold

A Day Late - St. Patrick's Day!

I know I'm a day late, but I spent yesterday meditating on and enjoying St. Patrick's "Breastplate" Prayer, in honor of St. Patrick's Day.

You can find the whole prayer here.

I particularly like this bit:

Christ to shield me today
Against poison, against burning,
Against drowning, against wounding,
So that there may come to me abundance of reward.
Christ with me, Christ before me, Christ behind me,
Christ in me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ on my right, Christ on my left,
Christ when I lie down, Christ when I sit down, Christ when I arise,
Christ in the heart of every man who thinks of me,Christ in the mouth of everyone who speaks of me,Christ in every eye that sees me,
Christ in every ear that hears me.

I arise today
Through a mighty strength,
the invocation of the Trinity,
Through belief in the threeness,
Through confession of the oneness,
Of the Creator of Creation.