Earlier this week I came across this post at Alece's blog.
"Our lives begin to end the day that we become silent about things that matter." Martin Luther King
I left Alece's post open in a tab in my browser for several days, looking at it, praying, thinking, remembering.
I was thinking about one specific conversation. About a moment of being silenced. About feeling like I couldn't safely express myself, and about the growing impact of silence, the sense of becoming invisible and unable to be heard.
I find myself wondering, sometimes, if there is a statute of limitations on hard things. Especially hard things that involve people you care about. How do you talk about them? Do you talk of them at all? Are vague references best?
I have no desire to lash out, really, but I've felt silenced and struggled with that.
Earlier this summer I sat outside a coffee shop called "Higher Ground" with a new friend, and, having shared some of the journey of the last number of years with her, she asked if there was anyone I'd been able to talk to about what I'd shared.
Her question stuck with me, probably because I'd felt so silenced.
My life is changing right now. A new beginning, I suppose, or at least I pray it is.
And I've thought all week about the quote from Martin Luther King - about how something fundamentally ended in my life when that silence began to be imposed.
I'm grieving those things that were lost, and thankful for new beginnings.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 7
Today's Daily 5:
- My parents gave me roses yesterday
- not having anything so pressing that it couldn't be set aside when I woke this morning with a migraine that ensured I would spend the vast majority of the day in bed
- home-made cookies
- dreaming and scheming
- trading emails with a number of good friends.
Spicy?
This quiz made me laugh pretty hard. I'd say the description is possibly quite accurate, but, I have to tell you, I HATE cilantro!
| You Are Cilantro |
 The bad news is that there are some people who can't stand you. The good news is that most people love you more than anything else in the world. You are distinct, unusual, fresh, and very controversial. And you wouldn't have it any other way. |
Friday, August 20, 2010
Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 6
Today's Daily 5:
- Starting the day slowly (and a bit later than usual)
- puttering
- getting some much needed errands done
- hanging out with a friend
- New York Fries
Risking Failure
Yesterday I completed the final statistics assignment. Within hours I'd received the mark back - 100%. That made me smile. Math has never been my "thing" but the grades are rolling in with smile inducing numbers in the statistics course.
I wish I could say the same thing for my anatomy course, but I just can't. The amount of information is overwhelming, and I'd guess that the grade is going to be far less (by maybe 2 letter grades, or 20%, however you prefer) than what I'd anticipated it would be at the beginning of the summer when I began this crazy adventure of completing a course normally taught in a classroom over the space of eight months by myself in the space of two months.
And that grade reality has weighed heavily on my mind. I even failed and had to repeat one quiz. I'm not sure I've ever failed a school assignment (non-math related, anyway) before. It's weighed most, heavily, though, because my acceptance into a nursing program is in part dependent on my grade point average - a grade point average I'd hoped to help, not hinder further, by taking these summer courses.
Unwittingly, I've been putting off the process of applying for admission to the nursing program. Late last week I realized that I was putting it off, in part, because I was afraid of facing the reality of possible failure. Of not being accepted. I was afraid of the risk. The day before yesterday I was reading a chapter in the book I'm currently making my way through, "The Happiness Project" by Gretchen Rubin, and the author talked about happiness coming in part from successes, but that successes can't come unless we risk failure. I'd have to go back and look to confirm that that was the point she was making, but it was the point that stood out in my brain.
Yesterday I took a risk. It sounds ridiculous, but it was a really hard thing for me to sit down at the computer and submit my application to the university for the nursing program. But I did it, even though I still fear I'll be rejected based on my grade point average. And I'm glad I did. I have a contingency plan for future study, and I'll be okay (though very disappointed) if I don't get accepted. I'm convinced, still, that nursing is the direction in which God is leading, and I'm choosing to trust that even this will work out in His timing, and not mine.
It's real now. I've applied. And so the waiting begins. Well, after I finish up all this course work. Only 6 days remaining!
I wish I could say the same thing for my anatomy course, but I just can't. The amount of information is overwhelming, and I'd guess that the grade is going to be far less (by maybe 2 letter grades, or 20%, however you prefer) than what I'd anticipated it would be at the beginning of the summer when I began this crazy adventure of completing a course normally taught in a classroom over the space of eight months by myself in the space of two months.
And that grade reality has weighed heavily on my mind. I even failed and had to repeat one quiz. I'm not sure I've ever failed a school assignment (non-math related, anyway) before. It's weighed most, heavily, though, because my acceptance into a nursing program is in part dependent on my grade point average - a grade point average I'd hoped to help, not hinder further, by taking these summer courses.
Unwittingly, I've been putting off the process of applying for admission to the nursing program. Late last week I realized that I was putting it off, in part, because I was afraid of facing the reality of possible failure. Of not being accepted. I was afraid of the risk. The day before yesterday I was reading a chapter in the book I'm currently making my way through, "The Happiness Project" by Gretchen Rubin, and the author talked about happiness coming in part from successes, but that successes can't come unless we risk failure. I'd have to go back and look to confirm that that was the point she was making, but it was the point that stood out in my brain.
Yesterday I took a risk. It sounds ridiculous, but it was a really hard thing for me to sit down at the computer and submit my application to the university for the nursing program. But I did it, even though I still fear I'll be rejected based on my grade point average. And I'm glad I did. I have a contingency plan for future study, and I'll be okay (though very disappointed) if I don't get accepted. I'm convinced, still, that nursing is the direction in which God is leading, and I'm choosing to trust that even this will work out in His timing, and not mine.
It's real now. I've applied. And so the waiting begins. Well, after I finish up all this course work. Only 6 days remaining!
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