Persevere - One Word for 2014

My word for this year came later than normal.  I toyed with a few options all afternoon on December 31st, but nothing quite fit.  I headed (begrudgingly, I admit) off to mass to fulfill my New Year's Obligation, sat through mass, and still didn't have a word.  I came back to my parent's place where I've been staying for a week or so break from my own crazy living situation, had some dinner, watched the tail end of a movie with them, and still didn't have a word.

And then I sat down with my laptop and began looking up definitions.  I sat with the emerald green moleskine journal I've set aside for 2014 - the one that tucks into the pocket of the front cover of my day planner for the year - and I listed goals.  I thought about the things in my life that seem overwhelming.  I went upstairs and had a bit of a tearful conversation with my mom.  And then I looked up more definitions.

And somewhere in there, a word emerged.  It came quickly, and as it did, I copied the definitions into the moleskine.  And then three passages of scripture came, too.

My word for 2014 is Persevere.

It's a fitting word, as I wait for the culmination of a number of things in my life over the coming year. It's fitting as I look at some of the things that I'm dreaming and praying about, and it's fitting as I consider some of the things that are currently major stressors in my life, leaving me feeling overwhelmed and maybe a bit adrift.

The definitions from Dictionary.com are as follows:

1. to persist in anything undertaken, maintain a purpose in spite of difficulty, obstacles or discouragement; continue steadfastly
2. to persist in speech, interrogation, argument, etc; insist
3. to bolster, sustain, or uphold

That's about right as I consider the list of goals I jotted down for the year, and as I consider the things left incomplete from 2013.

And then there are these three passages of scripture, which speak to the attitude and persona I'm sensing will be necessary for 2014:

Matthew 15:27-28 (The Message)

She was quick, "You're right, Master, but beggar dogs do get scraps from the master's table."  Jesus gave in. "Oh woman, your faith is something else. What you want is what you get!" Right then her daughter became well.

Luke 18:7-8 (NIV)

And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? I tell you, he will see that they get justice, and quickly.

John 2:3-5 (NIV)

When the wine was gone, Jesus' mother said to him, "They have no more wine." "Woman, why do you involve me?" Jesus replied. "My hour has not yet come." His mother said to the servants, "Do whatever he tells you."

That's my prayer for this year - the strength to persevere - to live joyfully and press forward steadfastly. To persist in the face of what seems overwhelming and impossible - and to do it with the faith that the perseverance will be rewarded.  It's a big challenge - a huge prayer - I'm not actually all that good at the trusting and having faith thing - but it's what my heart feels called to for this year, so I'm going to try for it.  There is grace for when I fall short, and grace for when I push through, and that grace makes this journey worthwhile.

So, here's to 2014, my year of "persevere"!

Anticipating Still (One Word 365 Update)

Anticipating.

I know, I know - I write about anticipation every Tuesday.

But here's the thing - it's the theme of my week this week as I begin to taste the forthcoming promise of a month or so of rest.

My one word for 2012 was Still, and to be honest, sometimes I wonder where it is that that word emerged from - what God was thinking when that word was whispered into my heart.

I kicked off 2012 by beginning nursing school, and my life has not exactly been defined by stillness.

On the other hand, I've learned to really value the little moments of stillness, to sink into them, to appreciate and rest in them.

I was thinking about that as I took the bus yesterday morning - about how I sink into those moments when I can steal them.

I look forward to my Wednesday morning bus commute.  It's the time in which I settle in to listen to Christianne's "A Cup of Sunday Quiet".  I start my day with a scripture reading, then plug in my headphones, close my eyes, and steal a few minutes of quiet with Jesus.

I look forward to the few evenings when nothing is scheduled and there isn't any pressing homework.  When I can enjoy a little bit of cleaning or reading or cooking, or simply crawl onto my bed and lose myself in a television show or movie.

And this week? This week I have the taste of forthcoming rest in my mouth.  I'm writing the last paper of the semester, wrapping up clinical notes, preparing in a lazy fashion for finals next week.  I'm organizing travel insurance for my trip to Florida, and staring at a calendar that is getting emptier by the day.

I'm so looking forward to a month or so where stillness is something that doesn't have to be stolen, but that can be the norm.

Lazy Day

For those of you who missed it, last Thursday was my last day of classes for my first semester of nursing school.  I have an exam this coming Wednesday, but it's not too bad, and so I've been luxuriating in quiet and space.  I slowly feel myself re-emerging from the haze of school.

And now, now it's Monday.  I'm house-sitting for my folks for a couple of days, and it's lovely to have a slight break from my usual more challenging living situation.  It's also lovely to have hours on end of alone time.

And so I'm propped in bed, knowing that in a little while I'll be propped in a sunny chair, and I'm making plans for today.

My day today will include:

• just a bit of studying, to get things going for Wednesday's exam
• cooking or baking of some sort
• a short trip to the university, to wrap up my clinical placement in a 15 minute meeting with the instructor (trying not to think about the hour each way I'm going to spend on transit for that 15 minute meeting)
• maybe some bus reading (you know, since I have that time on transit, and it's sunny outside)
• a bit of creative time
• a bit of television time
• sending a few emails I've been waiting to dedicate some time to
• curling up to do some writing that has also been on hold

It pretty much sounds like an ideal day as far as I'm concerned.  Nothing too strenuous.  A lot of time for creating, resting, being still in a different way than what I've been learning about since school began.  This sort of stillness is preferable if you ask me. It doesn't teach or challenge in the same way, but it's preferable.

And so I'm off to engage this day.  And I'm smiling, because days of rest are far too rare to waste!

Learning to Juggle

Most days, I wake up grouchy at the alarm that dared wake me at 5:30 am, a full 3 hours before there will be daylight in these winter months.  By the time I make it to the bus, though, it has usually hit me that I am up at this rather unholy hour because I am finally in nursing school.  Eight weeks into the program, that still amazes me almost every day.

It has not, by any means, been a bump free transition from the year and a half of working and waiting, and the month off over the Christmas holidays, to the daily schedule of student life.  If you ask me to describe the more, umm, creative learning activities, I'll preface them with a statement that begins, "I think we were supposed to learn..."  The fact that I am paying thousands of dollars each semester in tuition and must preface my descriptions of learning activities in such a manner is, well, a point of tension in my life to say the least.  The fact that these activities regularly resemble junior high social studies class?  Well that's definitely the icing on the cake.

Most days, though, if I stop for a few minutes, and sit quietly on the bus at the end of the day, I go back to the amazement that marked my mornings.  The slightly stunned feeling that after a year and a half of waiting, of risking my heart hurting by longing for this, it's happening!  I am learning things like administering vaccinations, and taking blood pressure readings.  Granted, the method of learning might sometimes include a slightly twisted version of charades (read: my idea of hell), but I'm learning!

I've been thinking about all of this this week, while I'm at home, reading, doing homework, and preparing to dive back in to the second half of the semester.  I've been thinking about all sorts of things that deserve (and will eventually get) posts of their own.  Things like longing and fulfilment, like coming into my own skin, like this odd new voice that sometimes leaps out from inside of me and begins to speak.

But this week I'm particularly thinking about school, and about my one word for the year, still.  I'm thinking about how I sometimes feel resentment about my school schedule, and the demands that it places on my introverted self.  How I resent the decisions and prioritizing that it forces.

I was thinking about it yesterday as I contemplated the merits of silence, versus the desire to catch up on some favorite television shows.  I thought about it as I pondered sitting in stillness versus doing some homework, and doing that homework versus catching up on my friends in bloggyland, whose writing I've fallen hopelessly behind on once again.  I was thinking about it as I pondered the dozens of times I've had to consider whether or not I could say yes to an invitation from close friends, knowing that I need to conserve the energy that time with people requires of me, so that I can make it through a week of classes and the hours and hours of group work each day.

I don't like being forced to choose, to prioritize.  I want it all.  I want to be in school, but still have ample time for quiet and stillness.  I want to have the stillness, but stay caught up on my favorite blogs and television shows.  I want to be with my closest friends unfettered, without having to consider that saying no to them just might be the way I make it through to Friday without melting into a puddle of tears at the end of the day.

It's fascinating to me how different it is to live in the reality of something, rather than my idealized expectations of it.  I didn't think about the demands that nursing school would place on me.  I just followed my heart into the direction it felt Jesus leading.  I didn't think about the challenge of the word "still" as I headed into a year where my schedule would be more full than it has been in the last five years, I just followed that Jesus voice inside me again.  And reality is different than ideal.  It's more explored, and it comes with tensions and tradeoffs.  It comes with its own beauties, and its own raw places.

And so it was that yesterday I juggled.  I watched a little bit of TV, did some homework, and sat for a bit in quiet.  I lit a few candles and tried to let my heart lead the way, asking myself and Jesus continuously what it was that I needed in that moment.  Did I need to write?  Could I do that with something playing in the background, or did my heart crave silence?  Could I head out to see some extra people, or do some errands, or did I need to sit quietly at home?  It's new to me, this juggling, this sitting in this particular tension that comes between the reality of two callings in my heart - one to the demands of school, and one to my word and to stillness.  And so I juggle, and I learn the importance of checking in regularly with myself and with Jesus.  And slowly, oh so slowly, even when sometimes it looks like acknowledging that I feel just a bit resentful over these forced choices, I am making my way forward.

Present Even With This

The moments when the exhaustion and sadness hit seem odd sometimes.

This week they came at the end of two days that were truly good.  One day in which I embraced silence and created space for my soul to breathe, and one in which new things went well, and some old things were resolved.

And yet, at the end of each of those days, I found myself wondering as the feeling that sometimes precedes tears came upon me.  I found myself questioning the sudden appearance of sadness.

It was (and is) tempting in those moments to argue with myself, to shame and scold myself.  To tell myself that the days have been good, the weeks have been good, that all things considered, even life has been good.  To scold myself for feeling sad, and work to talk myself out of it.

Instead, this week I tried to be present, even with the sadness.

To acknowledge it.  To allow it to exist without shame.  To ask some questions of myself, of it.

I'm not so good at this being present with pain.  My preference is to avoid it - the partial topic of a long and lovely conversation I had this week, and most likely of a post in the future.  Mindful of that conversation I have tried to sit in the presence of the sadness and the exhaustion and allow it to be present.

And in sitting, this week, I noticed some things.  I noticed that last week was full of hard things, things where I can say with pride that I handled them well, that I was able to walk through them in a way I wouldn't have been able to a year ago.  I noticed that embracing the quiet space that my soul was craving gave time for my feelings to surface more truly.  I noticed that though some of the ongoing challenges of my living space have been tempered lately, the questions and the pain of the situation, the grief that goes with it, those remain, and when I am quiet they have space for expression.  I noticed that some of what I was feeling was exhausted relief, as bits and pieces of last weeks challenges came full circle to their resolution.

And in pausing to be present with those things, to notice them, I discovered that the urge to cry from sheer exhaustion was passing.  That instead of anger and frustration, I was feeling grace for myself, grace for the things I was experiencing.  The sort of grace I've always been able to offer freely and deeply to others, but have rarely managed to extend inward towards myself.

And so, I choose to be present even with this.  Even when being present doesn't look like joy.  Because I am learning to understand that I am loved, by Jesus, and by friends, and that I need to offer love to myself.  And I am learning that when I am able to be present with myself in the painful moments, I am more able to allow Jesus to be present in them as well.  And that being present with myself, and accepting Jesus' presence brings deep peace, even amidst the pain.  And since my heart cries out for that peace, I will choose to be present with myself, even when it hurts.

Group Work Might Be The Death of Me

Week two of nursing school has come and gone, and the title of this post summarizes the prevailing thought in my head for the week.  If you are a kinesthetic and social learner, than nursing school as I'm experiencing it just might be your perfect fit.  Since I am neither, it is a challenge.  It's not an academic challenge, it's a deeply personal one.

I am spending four to five hours a day working in small groups, with tons of interaction.  It's draining for my introverted self, and by Friday afternoon, I am finding myself completely exhausted.  (Let me add here that I really enjoy the people in the group that I am working with, and I am making friends.  I appreciate these people, and my exhaustion doesn't reflect on them, it's completely a reflection of my personality and learning styles.)  When Friday arrived, I was so happy to get on a bus, and finally arrive at home.  When I got on the bus, all I could think was "If I don't ever see another human, I'd be okay with that right now."  I didn't turn on music or television when I got home, the way I normally would.  I sat in the quiet, sinking onto the edge of my bed.  Slowly, as I made some dinner, sat in the quiet, did a bit of laundry, and tackled some organizational stuff that needed to be done, the exhaustion abated, and I started feeling human again.

The kinesthetic learning that I mentioned is challenging for me as well.  I was excited when our clinical instructor told us that we would spend an hour that afternoon reviewing everything we'd learned thus far.  "Finally," I thought, "I'll make some succinct notes, and gain some clarity."  Nope.  The review involved taping a term to each of our backs, and having us ask questions to discover what the term taped to us was.  Then we stuck the terms to the walls all around the room, and took yarn, stringing the terms together, demonstrating their intensely interconnected state, and resulting in a mission impossible sort of maze of yarn to navigate on our way back to our seats.  It was a helpful visual in terms of illustrating the interconnectedness of the terms.  It was completely unhelpful in terms of abating the confusion over the meaning of many of the terms.  Looking back, I can't help but laugh.  Clearly I'm going to have to figure out some independent study strategies, since it would seem thus far that nursing school is not geared to highly auditory learners like me!

And so, in week two I find myself challenged again by my word for 2012.  Still.  It's hard to be still when every moment of the day is noisy and filled with conversation and people.  I'm finding it challenging to still have energy at the end of the day to interact with my close friends and family.  The people who feed my soul.  And so, I am quietly considering my commitments, and my habits, finding ways to embrace stillness.  Finding ways to be still even when I'm working at home.  And I'm actively seeking coping strategies to make the constant group interaction a more fulfilling and less draining component of my week.

Reflecting on the First Week of Nursing School

It's kind of a weird thing to have a first day of school in an undergraduate program when you're a lot closer to thirty years old than to eighteen.  Fun, but kind of weird.  Thankfully, the program I'm in is one where the majority of students are closer to my age than eighteen.  There are a few who did a year or so of university, and transferred in, the students who are 20-22 years old (and you can tell which ones they are), but most of the students have similar stories to me - we studied something else, worked for a while, and we're entering nursing with a certainty that this is where we're supposed to be.  A certainty that I think can sometimes be hard to have when you're 20.

I had the fun of picking out my first day of school outfit, and the fun of the anticipation of realizing all over again that this dream is finally happening for me.  I went with a pair of jeans, a hoodie, and boots in case you were wondering - deciding that comfort trumped fashion sense for classes that start at 8 am.

And that's another thing.  I have to be at the university campus for 8 am four days a week.  I live at the opposite end of the city from the university, which means I'm back to rolling out of bed at 5:30, and catching the bus at 6:30.  Not the most ideal study schedule for this night owl who truly believes that nothing of consequence should happen before 10:00 am!  (Definitely something I'm going to have to get used to, though, since by 10:00 am, my lectures are two thirds over!)

The expectations were high, and the first day met them.  The morning theory lecturer seemed like she would be a good communicator, and the afternoon, well, the afternoon was pretty cool.  Tuesday afternoons for three hours, we get to learn practical skills.  They're pretty much the only practical skills in the whole semester, so I fully intend to cherish those three hour time blocks.  In the first week, we spent about two-thirds of that block learning about asepsis, and hand-washing.  The last while we learned how to properly remove soiled gloves, and how to assemble a syringe.  We may even get the chance to do some school vaccinations in a few weeks!  (Which, by the way, makes me laugh!  The only human patient I'm liable to see this semester, and my job will be to inflict pain!  Too funny!)

If I'm honest, the first week was confusing.  The material in each of the four classes seems to hopelessly overlap, and the clinical placement for the semester is the least defined of any that we'll encounter over the course of the degree.  I'm taking comfort in the fact that in talking to other students, everyone is confused, and even our clinical instructors are telling us that it's quite normal to be confused at this point, and that it will become clearer as the weeks progress.

My other observation would be that nursing school is apparently going to involve a whole lot of group work, random games, and everyone talking at once.  In my first week I speed dated ten other women, played the part of an affluent politician on a version of Survivor and was promptly voted off the island to meet my death at the hands of a zombie apocalypse, and survived a day with close to six hours of 19 women and one man talking all at once.  It was a little bit nuts, and hard on my introverted, prefers one on one or very small group interaction self.

And then there's this - after the first week, I find myself grappling with my One Word for the year.  My word is "still" - a word that fits my reflective, introverted heart well.  A word that is easy to live when there aren't other demands on my time.  A word that is easy to live when I have hours a day to engage in creativity - to read, to write, to sew, to cook, to knit, and to reflect.  It's not a word that's quite as easy to live when 8 hours a day are spent in the company of others, and at least half of those are spent in the course of constant interaction with others, and largish groups.

After only one week, I am realizing that I will need to prioritize my life.  That there will be times when I will need to say no to meeting with friends I truly love, in favor of valuing my need for rest and stillness. That I will need to create ways to maintain health - to exercise and eat well.  That many things will have to be assessed in terms of whether they will give or drain life and energy.  Thankfully, most of the things that are priorities in my life outside of school have already been assessed in that manner - that's how they have become priorities.  I am realizing, though, that the rigorous school schedule is going to require me to develop discipline in new ways.  To learn to rest more actively - to procrastinate less, and do the things that feed my soul without frittering away an hour online or watching a video first.

I'm cautiously excited.  There are things that scare and frustrate me, and there are things that make my heart sing, and I am learning, even after only one week, to balance them inside me, and grow stronger, heal more deeply, and tell a better story.  I am learning to live all of my One Word's from the last several years in new ways, and that thought causes an involuntary smile to spread across my face.

Still: Goals, Hopes and Dreams for 2012

Yesterday I shared that my One Word for 2012 is Still.

Today I want to share some of the ways that I'm hoping to flesh out that word in the year to come.  Some of the goals and dreams I have for 2012.

Physical

• Get back into a routine of yoga
• at least 30 minutes a day of physical activity - walking, yoga, situps, whatever - just make the time to move
• Continue to adapt my eating habits towards healthier choices
• Continue the habits that have improved health - vitamins, flossing, winding down for sleep at night, medications etc.
• Drink lots and lots of both tea and water

Emotional/Spiritual/Relational

• Continue to cultivate the friendships that have become important - the ones that are open, honest and like family
• Continue the practice of daily time in scripture by reading through the Bible in a year again
• Start the year by cultivating a more regular practice of listening prayer, using a 40 day devotional "Rivers from Eden" by Brad and Eden Jersak, then carry on a practice of daily prayer/meditation/listening, using in part "Common Prayer" by Shane Claiborne, and "Can You Hear Me?" by Brad Jersak
• Continue seeking help from professionals when needed (something that became invaluable in the last year)
• Cultivate deeper relationships with the people I gather with on Thursdays for House Church
• Study carefully and prayerfully to prepare for the times I lead and teach at House Church
• Consider the possibility of meeting with a spiritual director and/or taking further classes in spiritual development/theology
• Finish reading "Boundaries" by Cloud and Townsend
• Look for opportunities to widen my circle of friends and meet new people in a way that is comfortable for my introverted self

Mental/Educational/Creative

• Start the year by revisiting several books that have challenged me personally and creatively - "The Echo Within" by Robert Benson, "Bird by Bird" by Anne Lamott, "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years" by Donald Miller
• Focus, discipline and excel wherever possible in my nursing studies.  I've been waiting a long time for this, and it's worth it to me to work hard at it.
• Find time to learn even little bits of a Spanish.  Even if it's just a word here and there.  There are apps on my phone to help with this if needed, and friends who are fluent who can teach.
• Find new authors to read, and read broadly, feeding the things that fascinate me, and opening myself up to new thoughts and ideas.  Read a minimum of a book a month, but aim for more.
• Time on pinterest - this has been a huge boost to stirring creativity within me over the last number of months, and that's a part of myself that I want to continue to cultivate.  This also plays into the mental, emotional, and spiritual parts of myself.  I feel alive when I'm creating with my hands - whether it's in the kitchen, sewing, crafting, or knitting.  There is a part of my soul that cries out for this, and I've discovered it in new ways, and want to help that part of my being come alive more fully.
• In that vein, craft something, anything, once a month at least, and continue to try out new recipes, aiming for a minimum of once a month.

Financial

• Continue to support various friends and ministries
• Continue to give to Kiva
• No new debt except student loans - live within my means (this means finding a job, and living simply)

Personal/Random

• Buy a pair of Toms (the third year in a row that this is on my list - maybe this will finally be the year for it?)
• Find a more suitable living situation
• Simplify - sort through belongings and pare down - less clutter, no holding on for "someday".  Balance beauty with usefulness and necessity.  I'm not hunting for a spartan lifestyle, just a simpler, even less consumer driven lifestyle.  This also means finding ways to reduce, reuse, recycle wherever possible.
• In the note of consuming less - hang more clothes to dry (my exceptions here are sheets and towels - I just like those softer and smelling pretty); recycle more - it's simple thanks to the blue bin program; I just have to be willing to go out of my way a bit.  Buy used when possible.  Reduce the clothing I buy, and consider the versatility of various pieces.

It seems like a crazy list when I look at it all written out like this.  And yet, the vast majority of these things fit with "Still" for me.  They are nearly all things that call me to a quieter, deeper, and fuller life, or are a continuation of habits and practices and passions that are already in play in my life.  They're not hard and fast rules for me.  In my mind and heart they're simply the fleshing out of the way the word Still came to me.  They're guidelines for living out the words that have already made themselves at home, and for welcoming Still to grow and shape me.  I'm looking forward with joy and anticipation and much hope and peace to seeing the way these things play out within me. I enter 2012 with more anticipation than any year in recent history, and I'm so excited to see where it goes!

Daily 5 - Year 3, Day 134

Today's Daily 5:

1. Sleeping late
2. Having the house to myself for most of the afternoon, with time to think, plan and write
3. Sharing my one word for this year with the world in a post earlier today
4. going through magazines to clip words and images for future collages and art journaling, and finding my one word in a size small enough to clip it and tape it just above my laptop monitor
5. the continuing tradition of eating Chinese take-out with whatever immediate family members are available on New Year's Day

One Word 2012

I'm joining Alece and many, many others again this year in choosing a word that will give shape and form to the 365 days ahead.

Two years ago, my word was Story.  It was an informally chosen word, but by the end of the year I knew it was a word that would shape all of the years to come with the desire to tell a truly great story with my life, even if it was a story that only seemed truly great to me, a story that is never noticed by the rest of the world.

In 2011 I had chosen a word, and was pondering it on December 31, 2010, as I walked to the passport office to renew my passport.  As I walked, a different word than I had chosen appeared, and made itself at home in my heart, settling in, and choosing itself for me.  That word was Heal.  It didn't look the way I thought it might, that day it made itself at home within me, but it was ultimately a challenging, moving, and deeply true journey.  It was a year for healing.

As December 2011 came, I began pondering what word I would choose to shape 2012, trying different words on for size, inviting them into my heart, and seeing if they would make themselves at home there. I tried words like "grow," "learn," "nurse," "study," "maintain," and "pursue" on for size.  All of them spoke to parts of me, but none settled in for a long stay.

And so I waited for a word to arrive, to make itself at home within me.  I wondered if this would be the year that was wordless, and I constantly reminded myself that 2011's word arrived at the last moment to take up residence.  I thought and pondered, played word games inside my head, and waited.  I needed a word that fit with that life-shaping word of story.  I needed a word that continued the work of "heal" within me - a word that moved story and heal forward into new places and chapters.

Early last week a word appeared, and as I checked the definitions for clarity, it began the process of unpacking and settling itself in for a long stay.

My word for 2012?

                                            Source: weheartit.com via Lisa on Pinterest

Still.

I chose it for these definitions:

1. remaining in place or at rest; motionless; stationary: to stand still.
2. free from sound or noise, as a place or persons; silent: to keep still about a matter.
3. subdued or low in sound; hushed: a still, small voice.
4. free from turbulence or commotion; peaceful; tranquil;calm: the still air.
5. in the future as in the past: Objections will still be made.
6. even; in addition; yet (used to emphasize a comparative):still more complaints; still greater riches.
7. even then; yet; nevertheless: to be rich and still crave more.
8. to silence or hush (sounds, voices, etc.).
9. to calm, appease, or allay: to still a craving.
10. to quiet, subdue, or cause to subside (waves, winds,commotion, tumult, passion, pain, etc.).

Ten definitions. 

Still is a word that speaks to my soul.  It's a word that speaks to me of the life I've found in the times when I can embrace quiet and creativity.  It's a word that calls me to find time for balance, to embrace those moments, to truly stop and rest, and care for myself.  It's a word that speaks to me of my growing awareness of myself, and my needs, and how to best meet or have those needs met.

It's also a word that speaks to me of action, and continuation.  Of still telling a great story with my life.  Of still healing and carrying healing within me.  Of carrying forward the things that have meant so much to me over the last years.

My word for 2012 is Still, and I'm curious and excited to see what it holds as it builds itself a home in my heart.

(p.s.  I'll be back later today, or sometime tomorrow with some thoughts and dreams that go with this word for the next year.  I'm looking forward to sharing those here, and then beginning the journey of living them.)