Monday, January 30, 2012

Monday Musings

I've been staring at this blank screen for a while, wondering what to say in this space today.

I could tell you about school, but nothing particularly worth reporting occurred in the last week or so.  We worked in groups for four to five hours a day.  I didn't kill anyone (or feel particularly inclined to, for that matter.)  I gave a mandarin orange multiple injections.  I learned that influenza that you are vaccinated for, is NOT the same as the stomach flu bugs that make the rounds each and every year.  I finished the week tired, worn out from all of the constant noise and interaction, but maybe not quite so tired as the previous weeks.  Maybe, just maybe, I will find a rhythm in this that works for me yet!

I could talk to you about food, and eating disorders, and body image, and how Jesus is speaking and moving and challenging my heart in all of these things.  But these are things that are still fresh, that still have words forming, and even as I tell you that I could talk about these things, my heart knows that it is too soon, and that any attempt to write them out would be stilted and clumsy, and would prematurely expose the precious bits of my heart that are being shaped in these areas.

In the same way, I could talk to you about ministry, about leadership, about encouraging words from a friend.  All of these are topics where Jesus is speaking, where odd things are emerging and making themselves known within me.  And it would be premature to do more than name the existence of any of them.

I guess what I'm saying is that Jesus is working, and I'm finding myself in the position of waiting and listening to the new voices and spaces emerging within me, rather than expressing those things outwardly.  It's not a bad place to be, really.  It's peaceful, and quiet here, as I wait and watch and listen.  And I am thankful for these signs of life within me.  It makes for odd, cryptic, and quiet blog posts, but it does lovely things in my heart.


terri said...

i think it's so wise to hold these things close to your heart until you're very ready to share. i know for myself, sometimes having a blog creates a temptation to say things too soon and then regret it.

i'm glad these things are stirring inside you and i'll be happy to hear about them more when and if you eventually share it here.

Lisa said...

Thanks, Terri.

I tend to process externally, and by writing, and I find that I know something isn't quite ready to emerge and share yet if I can't figure out how to write it! That's definitely the case with the things I mentioned, so I will continue to hold them close to my heart, knowing they will one day spill out here :)