Pondering

I feel very unsettled these days, and I honestly couldn't tell you if that's a good thing or not.

The retreat over the weekend left more questions than answers in my heart as we ponder moving forward.  The part of me that hates change is cringing and wanting to cry at the prospects of the need for shifts to happen in my beloved little house church.  The part of me that loves God's heart, and being a part of the places where he's working?  Well, that part of me is excited.

And those two parts of me are pretty much warring over large areas of internal heart real estate these days.

I'm finding this life lived in limbo, waiting and praying to see what steps come next, to be a life that chafes.

And so, tonight, after work, I'm heading to mom and dad's to pick up my things from house-sitting last week and grab some dinner, and then I'm heading home.  Last week was good, but crazy full. And tonight I need just a bit of quiet and rest.  And I'm going to avail myself of that as much as I can this week.  Avail myself of it, and try to sit patiently, and gracefully and with trust in the midst of the chafing and the unsettledness.