Grey

The sky keeps spitting white stuff today.  Nothing sticking to the ground like yesterday, but cold and damp white stuff.

It's not helping that my neck and back tightened up painfully overnight for some reason, and left me with a headache to fight off too.

I have a government employment insurance session to attend this afternoon.  One that may or may not be fully necessary, but is somehow mandatory. 

It's one of those things that highlights, somehow, this season of deconstruction.  Months after I lost my job, and am finally within reach of a new position, my government benefits kicked in a few weeks ago, and last week I got a letter informing me that I needed to attend this session.  And, now, after a crazy summer of studying, after a wild and ongoing emotional ride, going to a session like this is almost like having the deconstruction of my life waved in front of me like some sort of macabre flag.  "Look, your life looks like nothing you ever expected!"

I feel grey today.  Not particularly down, not black and blue.

Just grey.

Blah.

Like the skies outside.

Like the boredom of a government information session.

So, I'll take the train, and read a book, and maybe some scripture, and I'll look for color amidst the grey.  I'll make the effort to focus on the the things that remind me of joy and life.  And I might just come home from the session and spend the evening taking a bubble bath or sipping a big mug of tea.