Saturday, October 09, 2010

And on again...

It was a short night anyway.  The kind where I was up too late, because I got home late, and then turned my attention to a number of things, and I was up too late, knowing I needed to be up kind of early this morning.

I wasn't sleeping in my own bed.  It seemed easier to stay at mom and dad's, knowing I'd be home late, and need to be back at their house early.  It was easier to sleep here, than to try and get home late and then navigate an early morning bus on the Saturday bus schedule.

I don't usually have vivid dreams when I'm not in my own bed.

But I did last night.

Processing dreams.  Too much on my mind.

I dreamt of Kirsten.  She and her husband James are walking through the valley of the shadow right now.  Today is the funeral service for Ewan Eliezer.  Kirsten's words this week have been powerful, and yesterday morning, as I watched the slideshow in this post she wrote, I sat and wept for this family that I've never met, but whose life I've shared a little, online.  I wept as through the beautiful images a friend of their family took, I got to sit with them as they said goodbye to their son.  And today, this afternoon, I'll be praying for them as they attend the funeral for Ewan Eliezer.  I dreamt of Kirsten, images from some of her posts this week, and I woke praying.

I dreamt of other things too.  Of a challenging situation I find myself in the midst of right now.  Of so many things that require some thought and prayer.  The snarky, feisty person who was laughing because it was really the only choice other than cry before going to bed went into hiding overnight, apparently.  She'll come back, at some point, but I woke tired, and heavy-hearted.

the kind of day where I reach (and I rarely reach) for over the counter painkillers to numb the headache before I ever crawl out of bed.

Not really wanting a day filled with people.  I want a day of holing up somewhere to pray and think, and maybe wallow just a little.

But, in a moment, I'm going to crawl out of bed, and in half-an-hour I'm going to walk out the door, and set aside the dreams for the morning at least.  I'm going to spend the day with people and choose to enjoy them, to enjoy the things we do, even when everything in me wants to spend the day as a hermit.  Because that's my choice too.  To set aside those moments and just be.  To shake off the remnants of dreams.

and on it goes...


Anonymous said...

Praying for you, especially for wisdom. And praying you enjoy your day although it's filled with people. Praying, too, that you can set those things aside, as you did after one heavy start to a day on your trip, and really enjoy and be present in the moments, even if it's a fight at times. Hugs!

P.S. The palm trees are happy to have the sun back here - I thought of you.

Lisa said...

thanks friend... the prayers are much appreciated... hugs back.

(picturing the palm trees in the sun, and smiling :) )