Today

Today:

• I'm feeling lonely.  I always feel lonely after trips where I get to spend time with the people who know me best.
• I'm having a hard time shaking off the morning oppression and fear and general sense of disconcertion that so often comes.
• I'm talking to myself.  A lot.
• And working on paying attention to stopping the really negative self-talk.
• And remembering how funny it was last week when I was in California and either my friend or I would talk out loud to ourselves, and then realize that calling oneself by name when there is a friend with the same name sitting across the room creates a general sense of hilarity and confusion.
• I'm reminding myself that part of the reason I'm struggling today is medicinal.  In the crazyness of a transition home, I realized late yesterday that it had been three full days since I'd taken any of the natural supplements I normally take at least three times a day.  Including the one that I know makes a difference with anxiety.  Ooops.
• Because of my supplement misstep, I'm also reminding myself that I can't expect to feel 100% today.
• I'm praying for a few different friends who are going through some really challenging things.
• I'm obsessing, and thus failing to enjoy a rare opportunity for solitude in a place where I actually feel comfortable
• I'm pondering a bunch of thoughts that will eventually become blog posts
• I'm watching lots and lots of Grey's Anatomy, working on finishing up last season on DVD so that I can watch last night's season premiere on the internet later
• I'm doing some of the little items on my "to do" list
• I'm pondering ways to make certain parts of my life more "liveable"
• I'm needing to stop, and be really honest with myself.
• I'm procrastinating about some other items on my "to do"list
• I'm listening for God whispers, and hearing them oddly, partly in the last four words of the statement "love others as you love yourself"
• I'm thinking about honesty and vulnerability, and how I'm usually glad for the moments I make it to that point, but how long I avoid them and obsess over them, and fear them, leading up to them
• I'm wearing a skirt, just because I needed to wear a twirly skirt.  I have three quarter length tights under it, and am wearing a scarf and hoodie over my t-shirt, but I'm wearing a bright green twirly skirt, just because it reminds me of freedom and joy.