Friday, June 04, 2010


3100 blog posts seems like a milestone.

I feel like I should have something profound to say.

(I never seem to have anything that feels profound to say when the milestone posts roll around.)

Instead I'm just going to acknowledge that I've written 3100 posts.  That I've been showing up here consistently for over 5 years now, and writing about whatever happens to be on my mind at the time.  And I'm going to talk a little about my day.

Today is just one of those days.

I sent out a pile of resumes, and I have a pile more to send.

I heard back from one place I applied yesterday, telling me that I was not going to be a candidate.

I did an errand or two with my mom.

I'm discovering the weird balance of being an introvert and needing human interaction.  Apparently my previous job, however I felt about it, was meeting a need for some human interaction.

I'm finding myself tired of myself the last few days.  Tired of being alone with my thoughts, and the battleground they can tend to be.

Tired, I think, of the ongoing neccessity to choose joy.

Tired of the deep internal wrestles I was walking through with God even before I lost my job and that tension was added to the mix.

And tired of too much time alone.

It's partly why I've been hanging out at my parents' house during the day.  That, and their internet access is better for job hunting than the access at the place I'm house-sitting.  Because they both work from home, I get a bit of human interaction as they come and go from their respective home offices.

Tomorrow I'm hanging out with a friend and her daughter for a while.  I think the plan is for us to go to the farmer's market together.  I'm flexible.  I'll just enjoy time with a friend.

I've been hesitating to set up times to see various friends during the day, always wondering if I'll get a call for an interview, or be starting a job and have to cancel.  I think I'm going to change that.

Since the majority of my job-hunting is online, I can be flexible in which hours of the day I apply myself to that (and I'm determined to apply myself to it for at least an hour or two a day or more.)

That means I can make time for friends.

Yes, I'll maybe have to cancel if a job or an interview comes up.  But I'd rather have those things to look forward to, than stare at empty days.  I'd rather feed my soul and be with people I love.

Because feeding my soul in that way seems wise.  And it makes the choice for joy just that much easier.  And it seems smart, somehow, to try to make what can be such a hard choice easier.