Thursday, December 31, 2009

A Few New Year's Thoughts

I think, after the busy day I had yesterday, today is probably going to be a mostly "at home" day.  (Though I think I'm going to make a quick trip to a local scrapbooking store to see if anything catches my eye and inspires me to create a bit.)

I need to do some cleaning, and some reading, and some resting.

I was reading facebook statuses this morning, and people are so excited for the new year and the new decade.

I suppose I am excited, and tomorrow, when it's actually here, I likely will be excited, given that I do have that often professed love for newness and new beginnings.

But New Year's Eve is one of my least favorite holidays of the year.  Actually, it's probably absolutely the least favorite.  I like it even less than Valentines Day!

I think it's because, of all the "holidays" in a year, New Year's Eve is the one that seems to be the most about being with friends, or with a significant other.  I think it's also a holiday where it definitely helps to be a bit extroverted, and to love a party.

It's New Year's Eve that I probably most feel the change of relationships in my life over the last couple of years - the loss of some valuable friendships, and the changes in others.  That I feel the most isolated and alone.  It's probably the night that I feel the most out of step with the people around me, too, preferring by personality a quiet evening shared with perhaps a few close friends, or watching a movie, over a boistrous party and games.

Last year was a particularly challenging New Year's Eve.  I think I spent a very large portion of it in tears, wrestling within me over brokenness, before quietly forming a communion of my own and heading for bed long before the midnight change of years.

I've been invited to join my parents and some of their friends tonight.  And I probably will for a while anyway - for some food and some laughter.  But if I was guessing, I'd say that I'll still be home long before midnight, and, that if I'm up at midnight, I will be quietly welcoming a new decade with prayer and possibly tears.

Don't get me wrong - I'm looking forward to the newness.  Dreaming about what the year to come may hold.  But today I'm also feeling a bit the melancholy of things that have ended, and it's a funny balance within my heart.

So with that, I'm off to take in at least part of the day.  See you later!