Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Tuesday. Start Again.

I'm feeling minutely restored over yesterday.

An afternoon of sleeping, and a night where I was in bed relatively early (for me anyway) helped a bit.

Focusing on other things is helping too, I guess.

There are big things going on around me and in me, and, to be honest, I'm not quite sure that I know what to do with any of it, and I definitely haven't been coping well.

I'm seeing my doctor later this week to discuss a number of concerns, among them my sleeping issues. I'm expecting to get lectured, because, while the sleep problems have definitely become more of an issue in the last two years, I've been dealing with them for probably about 15 years, quietly, without ever mentioning them, since they were usually sporadic and relatively manageable. I'm also expecting an argument about sleeping meds, since at the moment I'm taking a natural supplement that seems to be allowing me to sleep in increasing amounts, and I'm not crazy about the addictive qualities of prescription sleeping meds.

Sleep is only one of several issues I'll be chatting with my doctor about, in the hopes that if I can deal with some of the physical health issues, I'll be better equipped and have the energy to deal with the emotional and spiritual issues.

So. It's Tuesday. And I'm starting again. Let's just call yesterday a false start to the week.

Today is going better, if for no other reason than I wasn't in tears three times before 10:30 a.m.

I had a cup of passion tea this morning.

I don't have to cook dinner tonight.

I'm considering the purchase of U2 tickets for next summer, to fulfill an item on my "things to do before I die" list.

All of these are smile list type items today.

Some of them are a little bit weak and pathetic, but hey, when joy is hard to come by, I'm going to take it even in weak and pathetic doses.

And be thankful for starting over. I needed that today.