Monday, July 13, 2009


I slept more poorly last night than I have in a very long time.

I'm sure it was a combination of a number of factors.

Heat - it was very hot and stuffy in my bedroom last night, and my window doesn't particularly open, so there wasn't a good way to combat that heat.

Viewing - I watched a television show online last night that looked interesting. Half-way through I began to get that "this is not an okay thing for me to be taking in" feeling that I've become familiar with. I talked myself out of listening, because the show had caught my attention. In retrospect, it was rather dark, and messing with stuff I know better than to allow myself to absorb.

Others - I am as always, innately connected to some others in my life, and there were a few who were engaged in things last night that generally stir things up.

Work - we are launching a new product today, and are definitely not fully ready for this launch. It's been rushed, and everyone seems to know that except for a few managers who've pushed the launch. As tensions in the department handling the launch were already running high, with people on the verge of resigning their positions, it's likely to be an interesting week around here.

I dressed more cautiously than usual this morning. Picking comfort items and specific things I wear when I'm feeling on edge. When I have that sense that a day is going to hold challenges.

It's a weird balance, that "premonition" I sometimes get. If I pull too strongly into it, it's easy for the day to be a disaster just because I'm expecting disaster. If I ignore it entirely, I am blindsided by the numerous "disasters" that arise.

So I dressed cautiously today, wearing items that are reminders of prayer, and the nearness of Jesus. A bracelet made of cream colored resin roses. Another bracelet with a variety of saints on it, a gift from a dear friend. A scarf (because they bring warmth, and have been something I've prayed deeply with) - in this case a gift mailed to me recently by another friend. I have on (as I do nearly every day) the necklace with a St. Clare medal on it. A reminder of a dream I had a while back - a deep encounter with Jesus. I need that particular reminder quite a lot today.