Worth It

I can't go into all the details, but this week has been truly unique in the sorts of conversations I've been having with Jesus. We've done rather a lot of arguing, because some of things he's been asking have been painful, and seemingly worthless, pointless, and invoking of unnecessary trauma and tears.

I had a rough night last night. Dreams and emotions. I'm working hard today not to sob, and fighting a headache that's been present all week but has spiralled into something truly to be reckoned with this morning. The drugs seem to just be starting to touch it, and I'm praying their effect grows. I have a full day ahead of me, and the ability to concentrate on something other than the pain would be helpful.

It's been the sort of week where I've been quietly (and sometimes very loudly) asking the Lord again if all of this is really worth it?

Just now, as I finished a task I'd been praying about and struggling with, the following song from Rita Springer started playing on my ipod. It's one that has a long back-story for me, but let's just say that the timing of the lyrics this morning was particularly poignant (and funny in a way.)

I don't understand Your ways
Oh but I will give You my song
Give You all of my praise
You hold on to all my pain
With it You are pulling me closer
And pulling me into Your ways
Now around every corner
And up every mountain
I'm not looking for crowns
Or the water from fountains
I'm desperate in seeking, frantic believing
That the sight of Your face
Is all that I need
I will say to You
It's gonna be worth it
It's gonna be worth it
It's gonna be worth it all
I believe this
It's gonna be worth it
It's gonna be worth it
It's gonna be worth it all
I believe this
You're gonna be worth it
You're gonna be worth it
You're gonna be worth it all
I believe this
You're gonna be worth it
You're gonna be worth it
You're gonna be worth it all
I believe this