Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Holy Visitation

The fact that this post that I wrote about six months ago has been getting hits the last few days caused me to pull out Rita Springer's "Effortless" album again. And particularly to listen to the song "Holy Visitation" which is the one mentioned in the other post.

I still think about the young woman I reference in that post from time to time, and pray for her. Our lives intersected in a crazy way, just at a time when I began to be certain that I'd finally met Jesus in a way that was absolutely, completely and totally going to destroy the safe and controlled life that I'd planned to live.

A dear friend of mine reminds me consistently when I gripe about this destruction that I have been "ruined for the ordinary." I usually need her reminders, and have it jotted in the front of my Bible with the date of the first time she said it to me. It's also the tag line (simply "ruined") on my cell phone, when the ringer is on (which, admittedly, isn't all that often.)

But as I've been listening to "Holy Visitation" again these last few days, I haven't so much been thinking about the young woman so associated with that song for me, as about my own journey these last few months with Jesus. Not so long ago, a friend encouraged me to "get scrappy" about some things in my life. I'm not entirely sure that I've been that successful in that. But it was a challenging thought, and as I've been listening the last day or two, I've been thinking about the eagerness in my young friend's voice as she shared how the line "I was made for war, I was made for battle Lord" had encouraged her.

And oh so slowly I feel like I'm finding my fight again. Like I can stand up and be who I'm called to be. Like I'm figuring out just who I was made to be.

Don't get me wrong, I'm asking oh so many questions this week. The conversation I was so apprehensive about on Monday night left me with some questions about things that are core to me, and deeply unsettling. I'm slowly processing them as well.

But today, today I feel like maybe, just maybe, I'm going to find life again. I'm really going "see Him in the land of the living."