Reprieve - A Heart at Rest

Today has been a much needed reprieve. A quieting. A day where the joy that has been so hard to find could break through a little. A day for mischievous humor. A day for laughter. For Vietnamese food. For remembering who I am, and that I am loved, by God and by some very special people. For resting in all those things.

And so, I'm sitting here, in the chair in the corner of my bedroom. The spot where I come to sit and reflect. To read and pray.

Hillsong United's "The I Heart Revolution" is playing in the background. Worship recorded live all around the world, wrapping itself around my heart and drawing me into a space of prayer.

If you know me well, you could look at the space where I'm sitting right now and know that I'm in a much better heart space than I have been for most of this week. There are certain things that I do, certain signs in my physical space that indicate when my heart is quiet, and ready to meet with Jesus. Things like a tidied bedroom. Like candles lit all around my space. (There is almost always at least one candle burning in my bedroom, but when I light many it's for a different space.) Like a tall mug of tea waiting to be sipped. I do a lot of praying with my hands curled around a mug of tea.

I'm reflecting quietly tonight on a number of things. Spending some time simply sitting and listening. Spending some time talking with Jesus.

I was reading through some old emails this afternoon, and came across a link to a blog post titled "Dipping in Jordan" that my friend Kirk H. wrote just over a year ago. His words caught my heart and attention then, and they caught it again today. He speaks with great poignancy about healing (about freedom). He writes:

.... maybe true healing comes with less flash, less showmanship... maybe it comes in secret, after the praying is 'done' (though really it's never 'done').... maybe we wake up some day & go, "wow, I think I've experienced a miracle" & we wait for weeks to ensure there's no relapse & we don't shout it from the mountaintops 'cause we're really not sure what brought healing... but somewhere in our hearts, we hold on to the secret, the hope that it was a touch of the divine transforming our lives....

.... maybe healing seldom happens in the instant. Maybe it happens more over time. (Maybe I'm full of it & should stop trying to figure it out)....

... I feel a lot like Naaman, though... wanting healing, but wanting the big & flashy instead of wading into dirty old Jordan....

I love this idea of healing. Not the big and flashy (though sometimes, I too, like Naaman want it) but the gentle and simple. I've seen my own healing come in this manner. And I continue to pray that healing and freedom come in this way for my own heart and for the hearts of so many that I love.

This Sunday I'm teaching the passage in John 15 about the vine and the branches to my Sunday School girls. "Abide with me" one translation says. My heart is at rest tonight, learning again to abide in Him.