soul weary

Psalm 42
For the director of music. A maskil of the Sons of Korah. [a]
As the deer pants for streams of water,
so my soul pants for you, O God.
My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
When can I go and meet with God?
My tears have been my food
day and night,
while men say to me all day long,
"Where is your God?"
These things I remember
as I pour out my soul:
how I used to go with the multitude,
leading the procession to the house of God,
with shouts of joy and thanksgiving
among the festive throng.
Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.
My soul is downcast within me;
therefore I will remember you
from the land of the Jordan,
the heights of Hermon—from Mount Mizar.
Deep calls to deep
in the roar of your waterfalls;
all your waves and breakers
have swept over me.
By day the LORD directs his love,
at night his song is with me—
a prayer to the God of my life.
I say to God my Rock,
"Why have you forgotten me?
Why must I go about mourning,
oppressed by the enemy?"
My bones suffer mortal agony
as my foes taunt me,
saying to me all day long,
"Where is your God?"
Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.

I added the italics to certain parts of this Psalm, the bits that are really catching me at the moment.

I’m tired. And sick. Heart-sick.

I believe I’m going to make it through this season. At least I believe that most of the time.

I’m having a hard time figuring out what to write here.

It seems that there is much that can’t be said in a public forum right now. Much that is not safe to publicly voice.

I’m going to make it through. But the other side seems distant just presently.

I am clinging to hope with desperation and determination.

And to the belief that even here, He walks with me.