Unsettled

It's funny, this living on my own thing. I had a perfectly enjoyable evening - a birthday dinner for my grandma, held at Mom and Dad's house, and then my aunt came over to help my roommate and I hang some artwork (we have Paris on our living room walls). I drove my aunt home, and on the way back from her house, the unsettled, edgy, not quite fear settled in.

This feeling is becoming so very familiar. The sense of fear just waiting at the edges to take over. The unsettledness that comes with paranoia, and lack of comfort with my surroundings. The wondering if someone is creeping around outside my windows, who's nearby and who isn't.

The loneliness that comes from no longer having family immediately at hand to chat with, and the lack of really close friends living in the same city as me. I am lonely for people who share that portion of my heart - who are seeking a life that is deep and full. A Jesus life. I am hungry for that, lonely for the community of people who used to surround me, and have scattered to various spots across the world.

And with that, I'm going to bed. I have a long day tomorrow - one I'm not sure I'm totally excited for. I'm taking my roommate to Banff, Canmore, and Lake Louise to look around for the day. Should be fun, but I'm not into the tourist thing, and we're very opposite people. I still find her somewhat draining to be around, and wonder how well I'll handle a whole day with her. I'll enjoy the hike we've planned, and the coffee with a friend for a bit in Canmore. On Sunday, I'm going to hang out with just my family - no roommate. Coffee with my mom, time working on a budget. Those sorts of things.