Smiling

Nolan left a comment a couple days ago on one of my posts that talked about the fact that it was good to see me enjoying life lately. It made me smile, because I'm still surprised every morning when I wake up not depressed. Five years of depression and it's only been eight months without.

It stuns me every time I'm walking to the train, or getting dressed for the day, or sitting at my computer, or reading a novel, or just basically engaging in the mundane stuff of day to day living and I realize that God has healed me, that He continues to do crazy things in my life.

Today was another quirky day. I didn't get a call with a job offer, but I've definitely decided to decline the offer if it comes. I've scheduled a couple of interviews for Monday, and we'll go from there. I worked a short shift (4 hours) this morning, and my boss called me in to talk to her for a few minutes. My heart still races every time this happens and I flash back to the day I was basically fired from a job because of my depression. But this was a happy thing. We talked about the fact that I'm still looking for work, and she told me that they're giving me a raise, effective at the beginning of the current pay period of almost two dollars an hour. God is so funny - I'll be making at the bay what I would have been making at the job that I haven't felt the peace to accept, and have decided to turn down. And one of the interviews on Monday is a second interview, so that's really promising.

I've been caught lately by the "Lord's Prayer". In high school I learned it in Spanish. These days I can only remember the first two or three lines in Spanish, but they flow beautifully, and I often find myself praying them as I walk to the train - inviting God's kingdom to come in flowing words of the Spanish language. I've been caught, too, by Eugene Peterson's translation of the prayer in "The Message." Interestingly, again the only lines I've managed to memorize and retain are the first several. I never seem to get much past acknowleging God as my Father, acknowledging His glory, and inviting His kingdom to come - in either Spanish or English!

Peterson translates the lines that have so caught me like this:
Our Father in heaven,
Reveal who you are.
Set the world right;
Do what's best -
as above, so below.

I love that - "As above, so below" - such a neat picture of what we're asking for - the intimate presence and action of God to overwhelm and mark our daily existence, but also something so much larger and all consuming - world consuming.

And the God as Father thing that has always been so hard for me? These days I find myself praying an awful lot to "Papa God." I don't know where I picked up that phrase, but it has for me an intimacy, meaning and understanding, without the negative connotations that terms like "Father," "Daddy" and so on so often have attached to them.

I'm smiling. Because God is faithful. Because He has a sense of humor. Because there is a peace and joy in my heart that is still so overwhelmingly new. Because there are new and deeper things coming. Because God is drawing me ever closer to His heart, and sending me friends to journey with.

Amen, Papa, God.
Reveal who you are.
Set things right. As above, so below.