My plans for tonight looked something like this: Write the midterm in abnormal psychology. Skip the lecture that follows the midterm. Catch the bus home, relax in front of the television or a movie for a couple of hours. Maybe take a bubble bath for an hour or so with a great novel. Head for bed early, and sleep in late tomorrow since I don't have to work until 1:30.
I got to the catch the bus home part before God or life or fate or something intervened. (I think the midterm went ok - won't be a stellar grade, but for the time I put in, it should be fine.) I got another crisis phone call while on the bus. I spent 20 minutes talking to my friend, and determined that this was not an emergency that could be solved via phone. She was going to be near the station where I get off the bus, so I arranged to meet her there.
After hanging up with her, and before arriving to meet her, I made several calls down my list of "crisis" response/prayer response people. I called home, to let them know I was changing plans, and to get my mom's advice on the situation I was about to walk into. I called several friends and begged them to pray for my friend and I over the next couple hours. I called our pastor and left a message saying that a crisis was happening and please call back. Then, with prayers on my lips, I turned and met my friend with a hug.
I think the crisis has been averted for at least one night. I'll phone her again tomorrow, and every day after that for as long as it takes to walk her through this time. I think she realizes the scope of some of the things in her life, and will seek help. I pray that she will begin to believe truths instead of lies, and that light will break into the overwhelming darkness she is inhabiting right now.
Mostly, though, I'm thinking about how rarely my plans for my day, my week, my life seem to match up with what God has in store. The number of times these last two weeks that I have dealt with situations like this are stunning. And God is there. But I am overwhelmed by my own ill-equippedness. I have just barely begun to heal myself, and I have been called on to be a voice of love and healing and life that I don't understand in the lives of others. I think it's good that God knows what he's doing, because I just look at this week and wonder if anything I've said has mattered, if I even have anything to say, and I know that God is orchestrating things anyway, and I am grateful.
Thursday, November 17, 2005
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2 comments:
I can understand your feelings of being ill-equipped for the plans God puts you in~ who can feel adequate when they're dealing with the healing of other souls?
Hi Christine!
Welcome to my blog! you caught me on a crazy day! thanks for your encouragement in your comments. You could probably tell that my life has been a little bit wild these last few weeks (praying "God, my life is open to you" would seem to be a dangerous proposition!). But I am overwhelmed by the things God is doing, and my only longing is to find greater healing in my own life, in order to bring that same healing to the lives of the people surrounding me. I am in awe of what God is doing, and I am exhausted by what he is doing, and I am okay with that. I slept several hours last night, and that helps (a rare thing, as one of the things my own depression causes is insomnia and nightmares.) But yeah, thanks for dropping by and leaving your feedback. It always encourages me to know that my words have connected, that I am not alone in the things I am feeling and experiencing.
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