Crashing

One midterm down for the day, one to go. I'm exhausted. I was ill-prepared for this morning's exam, but by a stroke of luck may have done alright. I'm ill-prepared for tonight's exam, but can't quite bring myself to cram more information into a brain that is refusing to focus for more then ten seconds at a time.

I'm exhausted - physically, emotionally, maybe spiritually. It's been a crazy couple of weeks, and I'm feeling like I need to regain equilibrium. I'm struggling with emotional overload (darn those "real" emotions!). I haven't slept well for a couple of weeks again. And I can't quite figure out what it will look like to regain equilibrium.

The trouble is, I don't want to go back to the low point I was at just over two weeks ago. The last two weeks and a bit have been insane, but so good. I have known God's presence in ways I would never have expected, or even wanted, but I am tired. I don't want to go back - I'm loving this new place in my journey - loving that breakthroughs are finally happening, but boy is it tiring. I think I know why the ancient monks spent so many hours alone!

I've been so stressed this week about school on top of everything else. After I finish my midterm tonight, I still have a paper to write - it was supposed to be due today, but I begged, and my professor was gracious enough to grant me an extension. The trouble is, the extension is only until Monday. I work Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday. I also have church Sunday night, and will hopefully manage to see friends Friday or Saturday night or both. I also have a midterm next Tuesday that I need to prepare for. Somewhere in there, I have to produce a quality 2000 word term paper on Dietrich Bonhoeffer - with my computer still located in the loud and lacking privacy common area of our basement. I've been more stressed because I haven't been able to summon the energy to prepare properly for the midterms today. And, when I finally managed to gather myself enough to study, I was interrupted by a variety of things, including a friend in crisis.

Can I just say that the middle of December has never looked quite so appealing as it does this year? As much as I love school, I can't wait to be done. I think I'm going to spend the whole month of January reading nothing but novels or whatever happens to strike my fancy. I'll be working full time, but it's shift work with strange hours, so I'll have lots of quiet time at home to read. I'm also going to take the time in January to renew some friendships that I haven't had the time to properly maintain during the crazy months of this semester. Maybe I'll take a road trip somewhere, just for the heck of it! In short, I plan to RELAX! And then get down to the business of figuring out what to do with my year off, and with the rest of my life - nothing stressfull there!

Alright, with all that said, I'm off to find some supper and do a little studying before my next exam. Or maybe I'll just read a novel and try to stay awake enough to show up for the exam on time! Either way, know that as soon as the exam is over I'm headed for home. The mind numbing blessing of television is definitely summoning me tonight! One evening to regain equilibrium before plunging back into the fray tomorrow morning. Not enough, but it'll do!