Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 106

Today's Daily 5:

1. A productive morning
2. eating yummy leftovers for lunch
3. our boss stopping by with a dessert treat for us
4. starting work early means finishing work early
5. a leisurely hot shower
6. quiet evening
7. finishing up the Jesse Tree ornaments and hanging the first one
8. watching the latest episode of The Amazing Race

Monday

My body has still not adjusted sleep schedules to be working.  I'm still up too late every night, and mornings come sort of painfully early.

But, it's something of a consolation to know that when I get to work, it's an office without the painful and constant tensions and frustrations of the job that ended in the spring.  That when I get here, the phone calls I make won't be from people with grievances, but from people who are delighted to hear from me, because I'm the person calling to tell them that they're going to be able to provide gifts for their kids this Christmas.

This morning I have an aching neck, and a scraped up forearm.  Last night I was hanging a string from my ceiling, while standing on a chair.  A string on which to hang the Jesse Tree Advent ornaments I spent last night (and most likely tonight) creating.  Unfortunately, with my usual athletic grace (have I mentioned that I tend to be sarcastic?) I managed to overbalance myself, and nearly fall off the chair.  I jerked my neck (again, no surprise there, either.  I have unique neck injuring skills.) and scraped a bunch of skin off of my right forearm as I careened downward while attempting to at least land on my feet.

In the meantime, I'm sitting here for a few moments in my office, before the usual maelstorm of crazy begins.  Christmas, it seems, is a little bit crazy around here.  I have a mug of pomegranate green tea.  I've managed to eat a little bit of breakfast, and I'm getting ready to wince as I hear just how many voicemails came in over the weekend, waiting for call-backs from me. 

But it's quiet, and I'm feeling peaceful.  And that's worth being thankful for.

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 105

Today's Daily 5:

1. 1 year, 105 days of making these lists
2. sleeping late
3. Starbucks from a friend
4. Painting pottery at a local shop with a friend and talking as we painted
5. recognizing growth
6. visiting a dollar store with mom and finding the items I was hunting for
7. laughing over the fact that the first advent candle that I was so dreading signifies hope
8. sparkly tissue paper for wrapping a gift
9. getting a ride home
10. spending the evening being creative, and assembling the first half of the Jesse tree ornaments from this blog, for the way I've chosen to uniquely recognize Advent this year.  I printed the ornaments and sat on the floor of my bedroom for a couple hours with various scrapbook supplies scattered around me, making the ornaments unique and personal and pretty.
11. a surprise few minutes of skype with a dear friend who is currently traveling
12. recognizing growth and being surprised and blessed to discover it
13. sitting here, propped in bed, and staring at the map of the world and "wall of happy" across from me
14. taking time to paint my fingernails
15. a weekend that was primarily quiet and full of restful things
16. escapist television on dvd
17. a mug of tea
18. sweet smelling oil in my oil burner
19. making choices out of care and restraint
20. finding reasons to laugh, and feel joy

First Advent

It's Sunday morning again, and I'm again laying in a darkened room, pondering.

It's the beginning of Advent today.  A new church year.  Just another season of waiting and longing.

And honestly, as I was laying here, I was pondering if I would even choose to acknowledge that this year.

This whole year has been full of drama, of feeling ripped apart, of waiting and longing.

I'm pretty tired of the longing.

Ironic for me to say that, given that just recently I wrote here about the fact that I feel like God has been challenging me to really long for things, to really dream and long for those dreams to be fulfilled.

And so I was laying here, pondering if this year I would "celebrate" (what a ridiculous word for recognizing this season) Advent.  I feel guilty for wanting to ignore it, for ignoring that part of my heart that just naturally tunes itself to the church year.  But honestly, I don't know that I'm up for that this year - for the aching that comes in these four weeks, waiting again for the coming of a Savior.

So I thought about how I could do it differently.  Could I skip the candles?  Is there a way to make this less of an achingly painful journey of waiting and more of a joyful expectation?  Could I just ignore it all together and show up on Christmas Day, and welcome a Savior?

Out of curiosity I clicked through here, to a site I bookmarked in one of the last several years, to see what candle is the first for Advent.

And the part of me that has fallen in love with a God who has a very ironic sense of humor in our conversations started laughing.

Hope.

The candle for today is Hope.

Hope followed by love, joy and peace.

Those don't so much sound like achingly painful concepts.  Maybe the opposite, actually.

And here's the thing - I'm on this journey of recognizing some twisted concepts in how I relate to God.  Like, for example, the idea that the only true moments of encounter with God are intense, scary, and painful.  The Advent season, for example, perhaps doesn't have to be marked solely by pain.

And that, that is a thought I needed to have whispered to me this year.

I don't know yet how I'll mark this Advent season.  For the last year, the Christ candle from my previous wreath has sat on my dresser, waiting, only being lit occasionally through the months. 

Tonight, though, if only for one week, I'll probably light a candle.  The space I live in could use the light of hope today.

And I'm pondering this.  Having a "Jesse Tree" this year.  (Though in my odd living reality, it will probably be not so much a tree as a string, hung across my map of the world and wall of happy memories.)

And who knows?  Maybe an Advent wreath will make an appearance.  Because hope, love, joy and peace are concepts I'm wanting a little more of in my life these days.  Because God is a God of those things, and meeting Him can be filled with those, instead of with fear, intensity, and pained exhaustion.

So, Come Lord Jesus.  Come and bring hope this day.

Daily 5 - Year 2, Day 104

Today's Daily 5:

1. sleeping in
2. waking without the terror and weight that some mornings bring
3. having one of dad's favorite apple streudels for breakfast this morning
4. a winter day sunny enough to require sunglasses
5. reading on the bus (I read another fabulous book about autism - Dancing With Max - more thoughts to come)
6. a Kit Kat bar
7. cute kids on the bus
8. being referred to last night by a long time friend addressing her daughter as "Auntie Lisa" - I love that I get to be Auntie Lisa
9. a stop at the farmer's market
10. the little sausage shop having my favorite sausage in stock for the first time in weeks (I don't actually like much sausage, but this little shop at the farmers market sells a turkey mango sausage that is so good when it's grilled with potatoes)
11. Google maps on my iphone and the transit directions it provides, making my ability to get to various places around the city so much easier
12. laughter
13. making friends through blogging - how fun is that?  that I'm "meeting" people all over the world because five years ago I started writing in this place
14. green beans (steamed, with butter and sweet chili sauce)
15. coconut scented bubble bath from The Body Shop
16. actually feeling relaxed and trouble free for a few hours instead of tense, scared, exhausted
17. green grapes
18. dad treating me to an old fashioned plain donut
19. magic bags
20. escapist television