Today marks my 7th anniversary of blogging.
I still can't quite believe that something I signed up for as a whim has become an integral part of my life.
A friend was doing tsunami relief overseas, and I wanted to comment on his posts, but couldn't without an account of my own. On a whim I decided that blogging might be fun, and I've been writing in this space ever since.
Crazy.
I've flown to a different country to meet someone because of my blog. I've hugged the necks of several different people that I had never met in person before they showed up to meet me in a coffee shop. I've skyped with others, and facebooked or emailed with still others. I've made friends.
There has been a little community of friends and readers all over the world that has collected in this space, and it still astonishes me that anyone at all cares what I have to say in this space, much less wants to talk back!
This has been an outlet for healing, and sometimes it's been a place I hid from. But mostly it's been the space that's mine. One of the spaces where I can be the most "me" of anywhere in my life. And that's what I love about it.
7 years.
Crazy.
I've been hearing that blogging is dead, but I'm pretty sure I'm just getting started!
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Friday, April 20, 2012
Daily 5 - Year 3, Day 242
Today's Daily 5:
- Sleeping in
- a walk in the sun and wind
- doing errands on foot
- writing cards for some good friends, and mailing them
- accomplishing several tasks that had lingered over the last month of busyness
Friday Reflections - April 20, 2012
I don't have any quotes for you today, just the knowledge that I'm quietly recognizing that 24 years ago today, I knelt on the dark brown shag carpet, next to the itchy brown loveseat in my parents' living room at the time, and invited Jesus "into my heart".
My life changed that day.
It changes still.
Jesus does that, it seems.
He's gentle, not forceful, but he brings change.
Sometimes the change doesn't feel gentle. Sometimes the change isn't gentle.
Sometimes gentle and forceful aren't mutually exclusive.
My walk with Jesus for the last 24 years has been like that, and today I'm stopping to acknowledge that moment when the changes began in earnest. The moment when joy was mine in fullness for the first time.
I'm thank that fullness of joy can still be mine today.
My life changed that day.
It changes still.
Jesus does that, it seems.
He's gentle, not forceful, but he brings change.
Sometimes the change doesn't feel gentle. Sometimes the change isn't gentle.
Sometimes gentle and forceful aren't mutually exclusive.
My walk with Jesus for the last 24 years has been like that, and today I'm stopping to acknowledge that moment when the changes began in earnest. The moment when joy was mine in fullness for the first time.
I'm thank that fullness of joy can still be mine today.
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Daily 5 - Year 3, Day 241
Today's Daily 5:
- Shopping with a friend and her 2 boys (2 years old and 3 weeks old)
- lace shoes - bought some new shoes made of a lace fabric last week, and I LOVE the way they look.
- about 2 hours with the 3 week old baby in a sling as we walked around shopping
- greek food for lunch
- finding a new coat that will fit both my needs and desires for spring/summer
- being at a stage where therapy is less scary and more enlightening
- cookies
- getting a bit of an extra walk in
- house church with friends I love
- a day with lots and lots of laughter
Revisiting Thoughts on the Body and Food
I was pretty sure when I wrote my last post on this topic that the next post I would write in this series would be detailing the way I was managing to "control" my struggle with food and my body. How I was losing weight, changing my diet, and being successful at those things.
That's not the post I'm sitting down to write today.
The truth is, I think I have more questions than answers.
I read that last post to my therapist, and she asked me to take a break from the plan for weight loss that had been working for me for the first three months of the year. She asked me to take a break and spend some time learning how to honor my body.
In the month or so that I've been doing that, I've learned that I'm not very good at it. I've learned that discipline and willpower are not my strengths, and that an at times addictive personality just might another challenge I'll need to face. I'm fairly certain that I've gained back the weight I worked hard to lose (almost half of my goal) over those first three months of the year. I've been procrastinating on the homework she assigned, because I just can't quite figure out how to write a letter of appreciation and gratitude to my body. It hasn't been that hard to do as she asked and do one nice thing for my body each day. She set the limits wide, and since I live a generally healthy lifestyle, it wasn't hard to think of things like walking the stairs instead of taking the elevator, drinking lots of water, and using my SAD lamp as little gifts.
I could make excuses - that this was the worst month ever to remove limits. After all, it was the final month of the semester, and I was stressed beyond my limits by group work. Who could blame me if I had one cookie, or ten? Who would blame me for wanting to go for drinks with the girls after class, and deciding I needed a big juicy hamburger to go with the drink (after all, I'm a light weight when it comes to alcohol, and if I don't eat, well, half a drink can make me seriously tipsy.)
But the excuses ring hollow as I've pondered what I'd write here. They're just that - excuses for a lack of self-discipline. Excuses for not treating my body well. (Though I wonder if the guilt I feel for failing, and then making excuses is equally negative for this journey.)
I don't have any answers today.
I have a lot of questions.
How do I learn to see my body differently?
How long will it take?
Can I create limits without them being a mechanism for control? A mechanism for beating back fear? How do I do that?
What does healthy look like in my circumstances?
What are the lines between healthy choices and those self-care moments when chocolate or a drink with the girls really is a helpful thing?
Am I attractive?
Can I ever be attractive to others if I don't believe it about myself?
And most of all, what does Jesus think of all of this? How does he see me? How does he ask me to care for my body?
I don't have answers, just a lot of questions, and I'm inviting you into those today. I'd love to hear your questions, or just your thoughts about your own journeys with your body and food.
That's not the post I'm sitting down to write today.
The truth is, I think I have more questions than answers.
I read that last post to my therapist, and she asked me to take a break from the plan for weight loss that had been working for me for the first three months of the year. She asked me to take a break and spend some time learning how to honor my body.
In the month or so that I've been doing that, I've learned that I'm not very good at it. I've learned that discipline and willpower are not my strengths, and that an at times addictive personality just might another challenge I'll need to face. I'm fairly certain that I've gained back the weight I worked hard to lose (almost half of my goal) over those first three months of the year. I've been procrastinating on the homework she assigned, because I just can't quite figure out how to write a letter of appreciation and gratitude to my body. It hasn't been that hard to do as she asked and do one nice thing for my body each day. She set the limits wide, and since I live a generally healthy lifestyle, it wasn't hard to think of things like walking the stairs instead of taking the elevator, drinking lots of water, and using my SAD lamp as little gifts.
I could make excuses - that this was the worst month ever to remove limits. After all, it was the final month of the semester, and I was stressed beyond my limits by group work. Who could blame me if I had one cookie, or ten? Who would blame me for wanting to go for drinks with the girls after class, and deciding I needed a big juicy hamburger to go with the drink (after all, I'm a light weight when it comes to alcohol, and if I don't eat, well, half a drink can make me seriously tipsy.)
But the excuses ring hollow as I've pondered what I'd write here. They're just that - excuses for a lack of self-discipline. Excuses for not treating my body well. (Though I wonder if the guilt I feel for failing, and then making excuses is equally negative for this journey.)
I don't have any answers today.
I have a lot of questions.
How do I learn to see my body differently?
How long will it take?
Can I create limits without them being a mechanism for control? A mechanism for beating back fear? How do I do that?
What does healthy look like in my circumstances?
What are the lines between healthy choices and those self-care moments when chocolate or a drink with the girls really is a helpful thing?
Am I attractive?
Can I ever be attractive to others if I don't believe it about myself?
And most of all, what does Jesus think of all of this? How does he see me? How does he ask me to care for my body?
I don't have answers, just a lot of questions, and I'm inviting you into those today. I'd love to hear your questions, or just your thoughts about your own journeys with your body and food.
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